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post #136 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-02-2016, 09:22 AM
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,864
Re: Wife wants to separate

OP, you are experiencing "hysterical bonding". I know, because I did. And it is EXCRUCIATINGLY painful. You are holding on to that "glimmer of hope", and to be honest, that is your worst enemy.

ONLY when you ACCEPT that your wife doesn't love you anymore and there's nothing you can do about it, and that you MUST move on, will you begin to heal from this.

There is nothing that you, ESPECIALLY YOU, can do to make your wife fall in love with you again. This single worst possible thing you can do right now is the hysterical bonding thing. It will literally REPULSE her. IT did mine. They hate that crap, and the pressure will drive them away. But stop caring whether it does or not. I know it's hard. I know this is soul crushing and you don't want to wake up to the nightmare every morning. But as soon as you accept that your life is going to change, and embrace that change, you will start feeling better.

That's the goal I have for you, to start feeling better instead of being totally miserable. Nobody should have to endure the kind of pain you're feeling. I hope you accept she's gone soon. I know it took me several months, and they were the worst months of my entire life. I lost 35 lbs. in 2 months from not eating--- because I didn't want to eat. I was just crushed.
You probably think your life is just f'd now. I promise you it isn't. Your life will be fine when you release your feelings for her and move forward. There are lots and lots of other women. You will find one that loves you and respects you. Don't be afraid of the future. It's going to get better---once you accept what's happened and that there's not a damn thing you can do about it.

Please, don't chase her. Move on in your mind. She's still cheating, you know she is, and she's NOT going to stop just because she should or because you want her to. And logic will not phase her. NOthing you can say or do will change the fact that she is screwed up in the head by this guy. ANything you try will be thought of by her as you trying to control her. You can't nice her back, you can't logic her back, you can't un-nice her back. She is not coming back mentally, and that's what you want. You can't have it. Accept it. You will be happy again.

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post #137 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-09-2016, 12:30 PM
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Deep South
Posts: 371
Re: Wife wants to separate

How goes it Kesta?
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post #138 of 138 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 12:37 AM
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 47
First I want to say I'm sorry your going through this. It's not right your kids are in the middle of this mess too. I can understand the fear and the uncertainty of your future. I've been through the same feelings when my wife wanted a separation. At that time she also wanted to pursue a guy that eventually got her pregnant. I'm not saying that will be your situation but as hard as it is for me to say this. Your kids are the only thing you need to worry about right now. Your wife is being selfish and there is nothing you can do at all about it. Unfortunately she's not going to listen to reason because she's blinded being lead by temporary feelings. I know its hard... believe me. This will probably be the biggest mountain you will ever have to climb but your going to have to let her drown herself. Because she will end up hanging herself once she sees the grass wasn't greener. Again, there's nothing you can do to stop her. At this point all you can do is stay strong for your children. Don't let her see that her actions are effecting you. The saying if you love them let them go or whatever...that statement is so true. Because if she comes back you have all the options in the world. Whether you want to work it out or want to end it....it'll be up to you if she makes her way back. I tried stopping my wife...tried to convince her of what she was throwing away but all it did was make the affair that much more desirable. You tell someone no....they are going to want to do it even more. The only advice I can give you my friend is try to be still as a rock. Being strong for your kids and for yourself. Its going to suck but your going to be plagued with thoughts everyday to do something to try to fix it...Bruh, e ven if she goes and sleeps with this guy.....yeah your ego and heart will be destroyed but at the end of the day its all about how you play your hand during this trying time. Don't give her no type of control of your mind. She's going to have to come to some kind of realization on her own. If she decides to throw away her family.....let her because 9 times of 10 she will lose in the end. Continue to do the right thing. Also....patients.....it'll play. be a big factor for you. it'll be tough but if you can withstand the storm coming your way you will come out on top. I know reading this it just sounds like words because your the one going having through it. But friend there's a lot of people here that's been in your shoes. I just came out of a very difficult time.... I hope everything works out for you and your family. If you ever need a ear I'm just a message away. Stay strong brotha.
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