Originally Posted by allnamesaretaken View Post
How do I try and save things without coming off that way?! Or are you saying it's obvious that there is nothing to save so I should just drop it?
There are so many things you say that lead me to believe you are afraid to be alone. Reconciling after any time of affair takes a lot of time, and most say at least 2 full years to fully recover.
You have to understand that there are major changes that need to happen, and is she willing to absolutely do that? She had the EA, but yet, she wants to set the guidelines as to how things will go forward because she says she doesn't know if she loves you the way she once did.
For any time of reconciliation to work, she needs to be fully transparent and I do not forsee that happening. She needs to get a new job, and always be willing to hand over her phone no matter what.
Being alone is a scary thing, and the unknown is even scarier. I remember when I went through my divorce, I felt like a failure (I absolutely did not want to get a divorce nor did I believe in it), however, I could not make him want to work on it. Relationships are a 2 way street. If change needs to happen, the person making the change needs to do it because THEY believe it needs to happen, not because of their spouse.
The way you write, I believe you want to rush this all because you are just so scared she is going to leave you. Where is your self respect? SHE had an EA on you, she should be begging for forgiveness and doing whatever YOU need for you to get through this.