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post #16 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 10:16 AM
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Re: hoping for some hope

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I am well aware of the anger issues and am totally willing to work on things.. through my own practice and counseling...she however is not... she is convinced time is the only thing that can help and that even then there is no guarentee...
LOL. All of the "time" that she's talking about will be time spent in a relationship w/ OM.

You need to take the blinders off.


Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #17 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 10:40 AM
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Re: hoping for some hope

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Divorce is not a route im willing to take.. I feel like anything besides physical abuse can be worked through... Also.. I'm tempted to tell the wife.. but i fear that may cause problems for her at work and make our situation worse.. or he ends up getting divorced and is free to pursue my wife without fear
Abuse is abuse... scars are not reserved for the flesh alone.

Prepare yourself for multiple affairs... there is no mindfulness in this.

File... it can always be rescinded if her heart finds it's way back to you.

Take control of your path...
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post #18 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 11:13 AM
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Re: hoping for some hope

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Divorce is not a route im willing to take.. I feel like anything besides physical abuse can be worked through... Also.. I'm tempted to tell the wife.. but i fear that may cause problems for her at work and make our situation worse.. or he ends up getting divorced and is free to pursue my wife without fear
Translation: Wife you can do whatever you want unless you hit me. There is nothing noble in letting yourself be abused even if it is not physical, actually it is morally wrong. Don't be surprised when she takes your offer.
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post #19 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 11:50 AM
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Re: hoping for some hope

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How do I try and save things without coming off that way?! Or are you saying it's obvious that there is nothing to save so I should just drop it?
There are so many things you say that lead me to believe you are afraid to be alone. Reconciling after any time of affair takes a lot of time, and most say at least 2 full years to fully recover.

You have to understand that there are major changes that need to happen, and is she willing to absolutely do that? She had the EA, but yet, she wants to set the guidelines as to how things will go forward because she says she doesn't know if she loves you the way she once did.

For any time of reconciliation to work, she needs to be fully transparent and I do not forsee that happening. She needs to get a new job, and always be willing to hand over her phone no matter what.

Being alone is a scary thing, and the unknown is even scarier. I remember when I went through my divorce, I felt like a failure (I absolutely did not want to get a divorce nor did I believe in it), however, I could not make him want to work on it. Relationships are a 2 way street. If change needs to happen, the person making the change needs to do it because THEY believe it needs to happen, not because of their spouse.

The way you write, I believe you want to rush this all because you are just so scared she is going to leave you. Where is your self respect? SHE had an EA on you, she should be begging for forgiveness and doing whatever YOU need for you to get through this.
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post #20 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 12:39 PM
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Re: hoping for some hope (posting in second location because im not sure where it fit

Sorry to say it, but I agree 1000% with @Evinrude58.

When I was done, there was nothing ANYONE, most of all my XH could do to change my mind.

I wish I could give you a different hope. Warm hug...

Ciao,

Spicy
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post #21 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 12:40 PM
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Re: hoping for some hope (posting in second location because im not sure where it fit

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Sorry to say it, but I agree 1000% with @Evinrude58.

When I was done, there was nothing ANYONE, most of all my XH could do to change my mind.

I wish I could give you a different hope. Warm hug...
Yep, same here.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
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post #22 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 12:45 PM
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Re: hoping for some hope

allnamesaretaken,

You posted this same thing in two forums. I merged your two threads. Please keep to one thread on a topic.

Also, you will get more and better input with just one thread on the topic.

If you decide that this should be moved to another forum, let me know and I'll move it.
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post #23 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 09:36 PM
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Re: hoping for some hope

It's worth noting that reconciliations DO happen.

No reconciliations happen with the male in the emotional state you are currently in.

Work on yourself.
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post #24 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 10:17 PM
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Re: hoping for some hope

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Whats keeping me going is thinking tht everything happens for a reason... like there was a reason why i came home early and found her phone just days before she crossed another line with him..
Yeah things happen for a reason. She had an affair for a reason.

There's more than enough reasons to leave, not so many to keep on going.
She crossed too many lines already.

Reminds me of this joke. Read it and try to understand.

A very religious man was once caught in rising floodwaters. He climbed onto the roof of his house and trusted God to rescue him. A neighbour came by in a canoe and said, “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll paddle to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A short time later the police came by in a boat. “The waters will soon be above your house. Hop in and we’ll take you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

A little time later a rescue services helicopter hovered overhead, let down a rope ladder and said. “The waters will soon be above your house. Climb the ladder and we’ll fly you to safety.”

“No thanks” replied the religious man. “I’ve prayed to God and I’m sure he will save me”

All this time the floodwaters continued to rise, until soon they reached above the roof and the religious man drowned. When he arrived at heaven he demanded an audience with God. Ushered into God’s throne room he said, “Lord, why am I here in heaven? I prayed for you to save me, I trusted you to save me from that flood.”

“Yes you did my child” replied the Lord. “And I sent you a canoe, a boat and a helicopter. But you never got in.”
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post #25 of 27 (permalink) Old 11-29-2016, 10:31 PM
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Re: hoping for some hope

My bet is she the H is waiting for his newborn to age a bit before divorcing his wife and then your wife will leave you for him. No one divorces their wife after she has just given birth.

You're too weak to reconcile. She's wearing the pants in this relationship. You think everything happens for a reason huh? Let's say she is screwing her boss, so it means you get to divorce her, start over, and bang all kinds of chicks in the next couple of years and living the bachelor life. That sounds like a great reason for divorce, righto?

Do us a favor, read No More Mr Nice Guy tonight. Tonight! It's free, only takes a few hours: https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf

You need to be the man in this relationship. This is what you do. Kick her cheating a$$ out of your house and expose the affair to the OM's wife, your family, her family, and your mutual friends. Don't give her a heads up you're doing this. Then see if she want to reconcile still. You'll get to see her true colors after you expose the affair.

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post #26 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-01-2016, 10:14 PM
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Re: hoping for some hope

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Originally Posted by GuyInColorado View Post
My bet is she the H is waiting for his newborn to age a bit before divorcing his wife and then your wife will leave you for him. No one divorces their wife after she has just given birth.

You're too weak to reconcile. She's wearing the pants in this relationship. You think everything happens for a reason huh? Let's say she is screwing her boss, so it means you get to divorce her, start over, and bang all kinds of chicks in the next couple of years and living the bachelor life. That sounds like a great reason for divorce, righto?

Do us a favor, read No More Mr Nice Guy tonight. Tonight! It's free, only takes a few hours: https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf

You need to be the man in this relationship. This is what you do. Kick her cheating a$$ out of your house and expose the affair to the OM's wife, your family, her family, and your mutual friends. Don't give her a heads up you're doing this. Then see if she want to reconcile still. You'll get to see her true colors after you expose the affair.
And, if you are fearful about exposing the affair.... ask yourself why you are fearful.
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post #27 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2016, 08:08 PM
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Re: hoping for some hope

Hasn't been back since 11/29

When people don't like what they read, they evaporate.
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