Mixed signals and false starts - Page 10 - Talk About Marriage
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post #136 of 145 (permalink) Old 04-03-2017, 01:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Mixed signals and false starts

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Originally Posted by Absurdist View Post
Golfpanther - scroll down to the thread started by MrPack. It's a long read and will take you some time. He was where you were. Watch his transformation. This can be you.
I've read some of MrPack's thread and it's definitely been helpful. Still have a good bit to work through on it, but it's been great to chart his and others' journeys on here and see the light at the end of the road.

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Originally Posted by MovingForward View Post
Thanks for putting your story out, I am currently going through some of this and good to read that things get better even though they move slower than we want.

I am still living with my STBXW and hoping this is the lowest part of all this because I cannot see me going much lower.

Good luck with the future and keep us in the loop on the online dating, I have not been on a date with anyone other than my STBXW for over 12 years so not even sure how to date anymore.
I can completely and totally empathize with this. I was with my STBXW for 11 years, and she was all I ever wanted or thought of in a romantic way. My fear is that when I do meet someone I really click with I will not have the skills to actually make a move.

My new roommates threw me a welcome dinner tonight and while the food was great and overall it was a good time, it made me realize just how much my life has changed in the span of 7 months. As I sit here writing this, for the first time in a long time I have that anxious feeling that is very reminiscent of what I felt right after she left. I still really miss her and I think being around a bunch of other people was jarring and reminded me of all that went up in smoke.

Sigh, I really thought I was done having bad nights but I guess at least a few more are in store for me. There's been a ton of change for me these past few weeks so it's probably just now catching up with me.

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post #137 of 145 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 03:33 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Mixed signals and false starts

Okay, so it's been a good bit since I've posted on here...

Things have been going great! New place is working out, went on a date last Friday that was fun, but no real sparks on my end. That was ideal actually; I got to get back out there and not have the pressure or expectation of feelings.

The TV show I optioned is picking up steam and I've been playing music out a lot. Overall, a lot of good stuff!

And then I come home tonight after playing music with a friend and see this e-mail from my STBXW:

"I received notice today that the paperwork was found to be null and therefor we have to start the process over including the 6 month wait time. I am going to hire a lawyer to redo everything and will keep you posted."

WTF! WTF! WTF! Seriously, I don't even begin to understand what the hell this is.

I mean, we were 3 months to do the day until our divorce was supposed to be final. I was finally accepting it, dealing with triggers much better and adapting (even enjoying) my new life. And now I have to go through the ENTIRE PROCESS all over again? Getting served? Filling out documents? Notarizing my paperwork??? Not to mention, BEING FREAKING LEGALLY MARRIED TO SOMEONE I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN IN 8 AND A HALF MONTHS TO DATE!

Sorry for the all caps stuff, I never do that, but this is just nuts. I mean, how do I even respond to that? I want to demand to see the notice she received and ask that we do everything in our power to make the original timeline stick.

I never wanted this divorce, but f#k, if this is reality just get it over and done with. I don't want to go through the whole crappy thing again.

Anyone have experience with this? Why would it come back null with no chance to fix whatever it was that wasn't right? Do any of you think this is a manipulation of some kind? Ugh, I thought I was finally on the other side of this.
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post #138 of 145 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 09:00 AM
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Re: Mixed signals and false starts

What does your attorney have to say about it?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #139 of 145 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 09:51 AM
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Re: Mixed signals and false starts

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Originally Posted by golfpanther View Post
Okay, so it's been a good bit since I've posted on here...

Things have been going great! New place is working out, went on a date last Friday that was fun, but no real sparks on my end. That was ideal actually; I got to get back out there and not have the pressure or expectation of feelings.

The TV show I optioned is picking up steam and I've been playing music out a lot. Overall, a lot of good stuff!

And then I come home tonight after playing music with a friend and see this e-mail from my STBXW:

"I received notice today that the paperwork was found to be null and therefor we have to start the process over including the 6 month wait time. I am going to hire a lawyer to redo everything and will keep you posted."

WTF! WTF! WTF! Seriously, I don't even begin to understand what the hell this is.

I mean, we were 3 months to do the day until our divorce was supposed to be final. I was finally accepting it, dealing with triggers much better and adapting (even enjoying) my new life. And now I have to go through the ENTIRE PROCESS all over again? Getting served? Filling out documents? Notarizing my paperwork??? Not to mention, BEING FREAKING LEGALLY MARRIED TO SOMEONE I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN IN 8 AND A HALF MONTHS TO DATE!

Sorry for the all caps stuff, I never do that, but this is just nuts. I mean, how do I even respond to that? I want to demand to see the notice she received and ask that we do everything in our power to make the original timeline stick.

I never wanted this divorce, but f#k, if this is reality just get it over and done with. I don't want to go through the whole crappy thing again.

Anyone have experience with this? Why would it come back null with no chance to fix whatever it was that wasn't right? Do any of you think this is a manipulation of some kind? Ugh, I thought I was finally on the other side of this.
Dam I am so sorry this is happening to you, I can relate to how you are feeling, I have been fortunate that mine should be all done in under 7 months and I never wanted the Divorce but the process wears you out and i am just ready for it to be over like you are.

Good luck and hopefully some better news comes out of this for you.

M - 12
Kids - 2
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post #140 of 145 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 10:54 AM
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Re: Mixed signals and false starts

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Originally Posted by farsidejunky View Post
What does your attorney have to say about it?
He didn't hire one.

Golfpanther- you really need to hire an attorney. Take a credit card advance if necessary. A competent divorce attorney can look at the docket and tell you in minutes about the procedural problem with the divorce. Don't screw around here. She's hired a lawyer. Together they can kick you around like a rented mule. Don't leave your future to chance. Don't stick your head in the sand but take charge for once. You've let her run this show while you've floated around on the waves like a piece of seaweed. Get cracking and come back and report how you've taken charge.
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post #141 of 145 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 10:57 AM
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Re: Mixed signals and false starts

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Originally Posted by Absurdist View Post
He didn't hire one.

Golfpanther- you really need to hire an attorney. Take a credit card advance if necessary. A competent divorce attorney can look at the docket and tell you in minutes about the procedural problem with the divorce. Don't screw around here. She's hired a lawyer. Together they can kick you around like a rented mule. Don't leave your future to chance. Don't stick your head in the sand but take charge for once. You've let her run this show while you've floated around on the waves like a piece of seaweed. Get cracking and come back and report how you've taken charge.
I know, brother.

It was a rhetorical question.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #142 of 145 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 11:00 AM
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Re: Mixed signals and false starts

Quote:
Originally Posted by golfpanther View Post
Okay, so it's been a good bit since I've posted on here...

Things have been going great! New place is working out, went on a date last Friday that was fun, but no real sparks on my end. That was ideal actually; I got to get back out there and not have the pressure or expectation of feelings.

The TV show I optioned is picking up steam and I've been playing music out a lot. Overall, a lot of good stuff!

And then I come home tonight after playing music with a friend and see this e-mail from my STBXW:

"I received notice today that the paperwork was found to be null and therefor we have to start the process over including the 6 month wait time. I am going to hire a lawyer to redo everything and will keep you posted."

WTF! WTF! WTF! Seriously, I don't even begin to understand what the hell this is.

I mean, we were 3 months to do the day until our divorce was supposed to be final. I was finally accepting it, dealing with triggers much better and adapting (even enjoying) my new life. And now I have to go through the ENTIRE PROCESS all over again? Getting served? Filling out documents? Notarizing my paperwork??? Not to mention, BEING FREAKING LEGALLY MARRIED TO SOMEONE I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN IN 8 AND A HALF MONTHS TO DATE!

Sorry for the all caps stuff, I never do that, but this is just nuts. I mean, how do I even respond to that? I want to demand to see the notice she received and ask that we do everything in our power to make the original timeline stick.

I never wanted this divorce, but f#k, if this is reality just get it over and done with. I don't want to go through the whole crappy thing again.

Anyone have experience with this? Why would it come back null with no chance to fix whatever it was that wasn't right? Do any of you think this is a manipulation of some kind? Ugh, I thought I was finally on the other side of this.
You were asking questions about paperwork back in February weren't you? Odds are she never filed the additional paperwork within the time frame so the court system bounced it out of system.

In general terms ws are notorious for not following up on paperwork, deadlines and are too busy "having fun" to be bothered.

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday
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post #143 of 145 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 01:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Mixed signals and false starts

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Originally Posted by honcho View Post
You were asking questions about paperwork back in February weren't you? Odds are she never filed the additional paperwork within the time frame so the court system bounced it out of system.

In general terms ws are notorious for not following up on paperwork, deadlines and are too busy "having fun" to be bothered.
She definitely did. It's in the system on the court's website.

I guess I will probably have to lawyer up this time. But I'm done dealing with her directly. First step is go to the courthouse to see if the previous paperwork is salvageable.
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post #144 of 145 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 05:15 PM
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Re: Mixed signals and false starts

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Originally Posted by golfpanther View Post
She definitely did. It's in the system on the court's website.

I guess I will probably have to lawyer up this time. But I'm done dealing with her directly. First step is go to the courthouse to see if the previous paperwork is salvageable.

If you hire an attorney you won't have to deal with her. That's the lawyer's job. Why waste your time going to the courthouse? It's like you trying to read your own MRI. The lawyer can do this in a matter of minutes.

I should have known FSJ wasn't being obtuse. He was asking you a pointed question.
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post #145 of 145 (permalink) Old 05-18-2017, 05:46 PM
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Re: Mixed signals and false starts

@golfpanther - sorry you are in this spot BUT two things lawyer up and cut her off...I knew a woman like your wife VERY well...she kept one guy on the hook while she moved on to the next guy..once the next guy was hooked she dropped the previous one...there is one and only one solution with a woman like your XW - CUT HER OFF COMPLETELY - change your cell phone number, your email address, whatever...thats it - she is gone and treat her that way -she is of absolutely no use to you anymore - she has NO place on your life - NONE...a lawyer will prevent any legal games she might be playing - you are not a lawyer so hire one ASAP..if you are a creative type she might be hanging on to see if she can get a piece of whatever you might sell...who knows...but one thing is for sure - her character leaves a lot to be desired..and I'm using that phrasing to be nice...

Even if she wanted to come back to you - what the hell would you be getting back? Move on and find someone who is well balanced. Its ok to grieve but frankly you havent lost much with this one. Good luck!!


“But not all men seek rest and peace; some are born with the spirit of the storm in their blood.” ― Robert E. Howard
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