She contacted me last night via text to say her paperwork had come in the mail and that she would try to file Thursday before her work, but that she was swamped and wasn't sure if it would happen. I was destroyed, but responded that while I didn't feel the same way I respected her decision and would be as helpful as I could be. I went on to text that there was no pressure on her to get it done this week if work was too busy.
She responded with a thank you and said that she was feeling really overwhelmed by it all and that it might be Monday before she can get to it. Then she really got me by texting that she'd been thinking about me a lot because my birthday is coming up. She said she understood that I wanted limited contact, but asked if it was okay for her to get in touch on my birthday. I contemplated and finally responded, "Of course, you know how I feel about you."
I went on to say that I hoped her life was going well and she said it was okay, just a lot of work and time with our cat. Then she asked about the cat I kept and we chatted about them for a bit before I told her that I truly hoped she was happier and she responded "ditto"—a word we used when we first started dating and had kept ever since
I told her I wasn't by a long shot but that if this is what she truly wants I would respect it and I'd be there for her if something serious popped up. She responded that she understood and I told her I would always love her.
So, I guess that's it or at the very least a divorce will be filed. Her birthday is Christmas day so I'll have a strong urge to contact her then, but I should probably just resist. I don't know, I'm confused and heartbroken.
Thanks again for all the support. I just wish she'd given us another shot with therapy. I have my faults, but I look back and we spent no less than 3-4 nights together on dates during the entirety of our relationship. I always made time to listen to her insecurities and try to help and genuinely wanted a future and family with her. The more I think about it, the more I think she built up the friendship I had with my coworker into something more than it was and that became a huge catalyst for this decision.
Once papers have been filed, what's the experience like? How much contact have you other posters had with STBX once it gets rolling? Are there are a lot of times where contact is necessary for the divorce proceedings or is it mostly just the occasional document request. I still love her but have made it clear that contact beyond emergencies, something for the divorce or possible reconciliation is off the table. I could of course cave, but I want to be strong on that as possible.
Lastly, any advice in terms of helping with the transition. For the past three months, she's been pretty much all I think about despite going out more than years and trying to stay busy. I don't want that to continue to think about her as much but I'm not sure how to move past that.