I think you're going about this the wrong way. UNLESS she has been cheating (did you ever check her phone?), she was calling out for attention and proof that you loved her. And you walked away from that, gave her the 180, and proved to her that you didn't. Assuming you want to stay married, I suggest you sit down with her, tell her what you want, and ask her to give you another chance.
Thanks for the reply. Yes, I've checked her phone. There has been a lot of contact with a married male coworker and while it's possible something happened there, I doubt it. She's friends with his wife as well and considering she spent every major holiday alone, except Christmas with her family, that would be a pretty crappy affair. Although, it's possible it's entirely of the emotional variety.
On that note, she let me know today that she notarized her paperwork and asked to serve me this week. Interestingly, when I checked the phone records the last couple of days there were a flurry of calls between her and the coworker right before she called a pawn shop yesterday (pawning her ring I would guess) and the notary service today, so she is in some way using his emotional support and guidance to get through this.
In terms of the 180, I didn't do that at all the first two months. I was constantly texting, chatting and telling her over the phone that I loved her and wanted to make this work. I told her I'd started seeing a therapist the week after she moved out and gave her a very fair plan for how we could work on our marriage. All it got me were pics of onesies and how much she hated seeing that stuff now, texts telling me how lonely she was or just being ignored. I only stopped initiating after sending a heartfelt e-mail and making a grand gesture that got me a text saying she'd started to fill out the divorce paperwork.
Interestingly, the next two weeks after that, she initiated more than she ever had before, but even then when I asked for a meeting or invited her out Halloween weekend so she wouldn't be alone, she declined or told me she would just end up breaking down in tears if she was around me. Kinda at odds with someone that later said she was ready to file the first week after moving out, but I'm sure she's struggling with this too and it's helpful to form a narrative that protects you and your decision.
The one exception was Christmas/her birthday. As I wrote about on this site, I did send her an email and covers of two songs (I'm a musician) that meant a lot to us. She responded, "Thank you so much for your email. It meant a lot to me."
Was there some magic bullet out there in the ether that could have gotten her to agree to sit down with me and work on this? Probably, but it would have been almost impossible to get all the steps right in order for that to happen. A friend told me that her contacting me might actually increase from this point forward. Do you all agree? My friend thinks she'll do so in order to work extra hard at getting to me to be her friend.
For anyone reading that's been through the entire divorce process, what steps need to be taken after we've both turned in our initial paperwork? I think where I live there is at least one more set of papers that need to be served (the discovery portion). I'm trying to figure out the next steps I want to take in my life, but I want to be available for anything needed for the divorce.
Thanks in advance for any advice. Definitely a rough day but I'm trying my best to hang in there.