My STBXW still has not told me that she turned in the rest of the paperwork. It's been two and a half weeks and frankly, I'm shocked, disappointed, angry and hurt. I guess I shouldn't be given her penchant for avoidance, but it seems like not only the decent thing to do, but the responsible thing as well.
I found a new place to live and will be moving in over the next few weeks. It's brought up a lot of emotions. In general, I'm doing much better but I still wake up with an anxious feeling and get triggered daily.
No communication at all with her since I sent my email the day after Valentine's Day (which she didn't respond to) and it's been a month since we both said we missed one another. I'm working on acceptance, but it's been tough.
Still have to file taxes, but I'm holding off on emailing her about that until I get settled into my new place. Hopefully, she doesn't file taxes on her own in the meantime thinking that's allowed.
My therapist suggested I start making memories with someone new. How did the rest of you out there that have gone through this know when you're ready to do that?
I havent read all of your thread but sounds like you ex spouse wasn't very considerate, to say the very least.
I know that anxious feeling every morning. It goes away, I promise. I found music helped me during that time of my life (And this was maybe 8 months ago for me). I also found this amazing - non-mindful task (There are papers with a bunch of numbers with dots - lets say upto 600 or something - I would just connect them) every time I get triggered. A friend of mine did kickboxing to help her.
I found it particularly hard to focus on work - my work requires me to really be there. For eg. I would read treatment options for a disease and then have no recollection of it and have to read it all over again. I'm better at this but it still worries.
I also made some brand new friends - friends that had nothing to do with my past life - that really helped. I focused my energy on getting to know them. This was fairly easy - I just joined a meet up group.
Acceptance is hard, I am not sure I am there yet, but the intensity of feelings get better with time. I think the sooner you get done with paperwork, the better. I found that I was able to sort of move along in life (with some bad days in between) as I was waiting to file. Now that I am in the middle of the process and it is sort of front and centre in my life - its hard not to think about it, get upset and feel those emotions again. I recommend moving forward with final divorce as soon as you are able. I also recommend as little communication as possible. If filing separately doesn't make you lose too much in terms of $$, I would do that. Lack of contact, I found, is one of the best catalysts as you move forward.
I guess different people are different in terms of when they are ready to be out there again. I have always dated seriously. As in, if I walked into a relationship with someone it was ultimately to settle down. Post separation, this has been troublesome. Because you are likely not ready to be in a serious relationship. I still don't feel I am there. I don't build castles and dreams anymore. Not sure if I ever will. Regardless, I found that going on a date or two every now and then did help with my self esteem. It made me feel desirable for lack of a better term. And it made me feel like I could still be on the market.
Men however work differently, so maybe you feel differently based on your gender and age. Good luck, hope you are feeling better everyday.