I never understood why my relationship went from a whirlwind romance, a proposal in Paris, to you are the biggest b**** on planet earth. You cry too much. You don't chop the green peppers right. You shouldn't hug male friends. You don't call my mom enough. You don't integrate into my family etc etc etc.
What I seriously fail to understand is - why/how our arguments escalated so much. Like we were both very highly educated people. you would think all those years in international universities gave us some wisdom to solve our own problems. I just don't understand what he gained from this process.
Education is generally backwards in most places. It should be called conditioning. Just recently dropped an Economics paper because all through the material there was the expectation that the student adopt, without critique/critical analysis, their worldview. Then it would be explained later, in terms of that worldview, why the assumptions are correct. In science this is actually known as circular reasoning. It sales it is known as a "con job".
Relevance to your OP and the quoted material?
You'll see a common theme in most of my posts that highlights the dissonance between "public expectation" and "private reality".
Clearly, your partner (and likely yourself) had a whole bunch of unspoken expectations - basically a secret unspoken agenda. Many of these would not have been deliberately examined and likely to just be assumed that your partner would comply with these unquantified unexamined targets. ...just like "education", you think you're going to learn something (public expectation), but really you're just expected to obey and conform to their expectations (private reality). they tell you that you're learning things, but do you actually know how to examine the basic fundamentals to prove them? Or would you find yourself falling on to the conditioning you've been given to explain your worldview.
eg in my case I needed my partner to communicate with my parents because my family has a group of centralised Trust funds collectively worth more than a few million dollars. It is the inherited expectation that each generation will establish their own, with a kickstart from their parents. These funds act as guarantors for childrens borrowing, and bridging finance for those loans in times of trouble (eg redundancy), and even for startup loans - there are rules; such as each loan must be financially viable, there is no provision for consumables or lifestyle, or even for things like total education funding (it will cover a few papers or certifications in emergency, as a loan). Connecting into such a family requires learning some of the business and finance rules, and proving that as a potential partner and future principal, that a person has to be able to get along with others, communicate openly and fully, and participate in shared goals. Learning to navigate the mother-in-law is essential in such families .... something my ex-partner just couldn't grasp (for my ex, everything was about her - her words said "family" but her actions said "I'm the central Mum")