I am just having a bit of a low day and venting.
I am almost at the end of my one year separation and I can't wait to file because then it will mean end of this chapter of my life.
Sometimes when I am having low days though, I try to "make sense" of it all. The funny part is - the logical part of my brain KNOWS that I will never make any sense of it all.
I never understood why my relationship went from a whirlwind romance, a proposal in Paris, to you are the biggest b**** on planet earth. You cry too much. You don't chop the green peppers right. You shouldn't hug male friends. You don't call my mom enough. You don't integrate into my family etc etc etc.
What I seriously fail to understand is - why/how our arguments escalated so much. Like we were both very highly educated people. you would think all those years in international universities gave us some wisdom to solve our own problems. I just don't understand what he gained from this process. What did injecting his mother into each argument achieve? What was to be gained from phone calls going to my parents from his mother after each fight? I mean who even does that? We were not 18. It ruined all relationships involved. And eventually all the bitterness ended up ruining a marriage within 1 year. I mean what did he achieve?
He is separated. He moved back to his hometown and had to move back in with his brother, sister-in-law, mom, dad and nephews and nieces after having lived independently in a different city for many years. But of course, its their house. Maybe he does feel happier there. I just don't understand what you gain from destroying your own relationship. I doubt his sister-in-law gives him the priority that I gave him as my husband.
I honestly keep going back over and over again to figure out what I did that turned a switch in a different direction. I just can't figure it out. It's so frustrating. Apparently, my expectations were too high.
Ugh, okay I am just rambling now. Just needed to get it off my chest today. I know no one has answers or solutions to this crazy thing called life...
The answers are there for you, obvious even. The problem is lack of acceptance.
Have you ever wondered why you have to argue, at all? You believe and participate in a connection destroying romantic system. Reality doesn't have to make sense. However, reality imposes consequences whether or not you understand it.
Too high expectations? Again, I disagree. You could have so much more than you expected, as long as you didn't expect endless infatuation. What could be realized is cooperative problem solving. These aren't myths. These aren't conditional (only) upon finding mr or Mrs right.
What to Do? Start by conforming to reality and then the process of it making sense will come. For instance, our minds cannot understand quantum mechanics, but we have research that dispits results, no matter how confounding and contradictory to relativity, etc. It is.In relationships, there are things you have to do and hings that must not be done to maintain connection.
You can come here for advice. You can go earn a PhD in Psychology and still come forth with these questions. But what all need to do is form the emotional competencies that engender positive life outcomes. Raw logic is going to get few people very far in life. It can even be counterproductive, in certain instances.
You don't need to know that 2+2=4, analagously, but how to get to that result. Also, you have to learn to easily get to that result no matter what emotional environment is encountered.
I'm here to tell you that the answers and understAnding are out there. With this comes the peace of mind you so desperately desire. This is good news.