First Christmas - Talk About Marriage
Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

User Tag List

 23Likes
  • 5 Post By Pluto2
  • 1 Post By pattyreed2011
  • 1 Post By Openminded
  • 4 Post By Thor
  • 2 Post By 3Xnocharm
  • 4 Post By mjlacher
  • 2 Post By Ynot
  • 1 Post By ChipperE
  • 1 Post By jb02157
  • 1 Post By AVR1962
  • 1 Post By mjlacher
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 05:03 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 6
First Christmas

I am now 2 weeks divorced after a 17 year marriage. We have two children, 15 and 11 and this being an even year, he gets Christmas...This will be my first Christmas single and without my children and I am having a really hard time with it...any advice, please?

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk

mjlacher is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 07:08 AM
Member
 
Pluto2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 4,608
Re: First Christmas

Go volunteer somewhere, a food pantry, the local hospital. There are people who are far worse off than us and we need to remember that from time to time. Yes, being divorced during the holidays suck$, and there's not much you can do to change your reality. So shift it to focus on others. You'd be surprised how it can lift your spirits.

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
Pluto2 is offline  
post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 07:25 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 39
Re: First Christmas

The children are going to leave sooner or later. For now can you spend Christmas with other relatives? Or your local church? You can also checkout your City's calendar of activities. Im sure they'll have a lot of public events.

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk
pattyreed2011 is offline  
 
post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 09:25 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Southeast
Posts: 4,181
Re: First Christmas

The "first" holidays without children are tough but Christmas is especially tough. It helps to get out of your routine and do something completely different but it usually remains a day you just want to get through. And you will. The good news is you never have to relieve those "first" holidays again. It gets easier with time.
Openminded is offline  
post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 10:10 AM
Member
 
Thor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 8,709
Re: First Christmas

Make it Christmas on another day.

This is my first set of holidays single. All the kids are grown, but still we did the big Christmas and Christmas Eve every year. The grandchildren live just a few doors down from the old house where stbxw still lives.

For Thanksgiving I just did it on Tuesday. Everybody except stbxw got together for a nice family meal. For Christmas I will do a get together either on the 23rd or 24th. The holiday is about getting together, not the exact date on the calendar.

On Thanksgiving day itself I just treated myself to a day without any pressures. I did what I wanted and I grilled up a nice steak dinner for myself. Christmas day I'll do something nice for myself, depending on the weather either indoors or out. I will have already done Christmas celebration with all the kids and grandkids.
Thor is online now  
post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 10:11 AM
Forum Supporter
 
3Xnocharm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 5,784
Re: First Christmas

Come up with a new tradition, so that on those years they are with their dad, you guys have your thing. We always have done Xmas eve at my sister's house, and my daughter then spends Xmas day with her dad's family. We would always get up early on Xmas morning and do her "Santa" presents, then her dad would pick her up later in the morning and they would spend the day at her grandparents'. Once she outgrew Santa, we still got up early and did gifts. This was our routine every year, rather than alternating every other year.

My daughter just turned 20 in October, this will be her first Xmas without her dad, he committed suicide back in May. We are all trying to keep things as consistent as we can for her to help her through this.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-c...ionships-fiff/
3Xnocharm is online now  
post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 04:42 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 6
Re: First Christmas

I thank all of you for your responses. You all have great advice. I have never been a part of an online group or posted on a blog before, but there is something very reassuring in knowing that there are people out there who take the time to be kind for no other reason than to try to be of help and comfort to a total stranger. Thank you very much.

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk
mjlacher is offline  
post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-10-2016, 05:10 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,876
Re: First Christmas

Quote:
Originally Posted by mjlacher View Post
I thank all of you for your responses. You all have great advice. I have never been a part of an online group or posted on a blog before, but there is something very reassuring in knowing that there are people out there who take the time to be kind for no other reason than to try to be of help and comfort to a total stranger. Thank you very much.

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk
There are lots of us out there. Way more than I ever imagined before the divorce.
My first was tough as well, it came about 4 months after she left, 3 months from moving to a new town, 2 months after what would have been our wedding anniversary and a little over a month post D-day. So it was still really bad.
Take the time to reflect on why you are even at this point in the first place. It doesn't matter who's fault or who idea or why you are divorced. Instead look for the reasons you should be happy now, the opportunities you will find, the chance you now have to become the person you always dreamed you could become. Make those thoughts your gift to yourself

At the center of every moMEnt of my life is ME!
Ynot is online now  
post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:51 PM
Member
 
ChipperE's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 107
Re: First Christmas

Keep yourself busy. Choose the day you have your kids and make THAT Christmas. You are going to be depressed, so just tell yourself that. It's going to be going through the motions and you're going to be sad and you're going to want to not do it. But make yourself. And if you have people you can surround yourself with, do that too. Tell them you are sad and need some people around. Good luck and hugs to you.
ChipperE is offline  
post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-14-2016, 01:57 PM
Member
 
jb02157's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,031
Re: First Christmas

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thor View Post
Make it Christmas on another day.

This is my first set of holidays single. All the kids are grown, but still we did the big Christmas and Christmas Eve every year. The grandchildren live just a few doors down from the old house where stbxw still lives.

For Thanksgiving I just did it on Tuesday. Everybody except stbxw got together for a nice family meal. For Christmas I will do a get together either on the 23rd or 24th. The holiday is about getting together, not the exact date on the calendar.

On Thanksgiving day itself I just treated myself to a day without any pressures. I did what I wanted and I grilled up a nice steak dinner for myself. Christmas day I'll do something nice for myself, depending on the weather either indoors or out. I will have already done Christmas celebration with all the kids and grandkids.
This is an excellent suggestion. Earlier in my marriage, wife demanded each year was Christmas with her side of the family. My side of the family then decided to celebrate Christmas on the 24th. I got so used to this Christmas for me is really the 24th.


"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
jb02157 is online now  
post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-16-2016, 06:04 PM
Member
 
AVR1962's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,117
Re: First Christmas

Married for 24 years and left my ex 4 months ago. My children are all adults and while one does live with me she has her own life. So this is my first Christmas alone in many years. I understand how you are feeling. I was in a slump this morning so I decided to make the day good by giving presents to my students and a guy I do some work for. They loved the gifts. It made me feel good. I am not a big TV watcher but there are a few old programs I really like, that make me laugh....last night I streamed some episode of Seinfeld. Do you have friends and family near? Try to spend some time with them. I am new to my location and know nobody. Do you work? Try to engage and out with some of the girls, kick up your heels and have some fun!
AVR1962 is offline  
post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 03:51 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 6
Re: First Christmas

Well, Christmas has come and gone; and yes, it was pretty awful. But I did follow the advice. Did surround myself with friends and family (I apologized in advance as I did not feel fit for human consumption) and that helped. I have to say I slept through most of the day though. My children come home in the morning and I'm getting ready to take them camping and celebrate OUR new Christmas tradition. How were your holidays?

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk
mjlacher is offline  
post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 04:19 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 117
Re: First Christmas

Quote:
Originally Posted by mjlacher View Post
Well, Christmas has come and gone; and yes, it was pretty awful. But I did follow the advice. Did surround myself with friends and family (I apologized in advance as I did not feel fit for human consumption) and that helped. I have to say I slept through most of the day though. My children come home in the morning and I'm getting ready to take them camping and celebrate OUR new Christmas tradition. How were your holidays?

Sent from my SM-N920P using Tapatalk
Sorry to hear that it was awful, but very happy to hear that you managed to spend it with friends and family. It's especially great that they were understanding about your situation and that you already have a new Christmas tradition planned!

As for mine... pretty awful as well. My birthday was on the 14th and it was brutal and then I found out that my STBXW filed on the 21st after almost four months separated. Her birthday is Christmas Day so I reached out with a nice email and a gift in the form of songs. She responded later with a thank you and that it had meant a lot to her.

I'm heading back home after spending the holidays with good friends and I'm dreading it. You're farther along in all this, but I'm guess I'll be served in the next week or two. A big boo to this year.

Hope the camping trip goes well and you have a great time!
golfpanther is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Christmas away from home Chana The Family & Parenting Forums 2 06-02-2016 09:52 PM
What are your plans for Christmas and New Years Eve? RisingSun Life After Divorce 35 12-26-2015 10:27 AM
The Christmas Hope Thread Philglossop1 Going Through Divorce or Separation 5 12-21-2015 02:44 PM
Where to Spend Christmas - his parents or my parents? muffin1983 General Relationship Discussion 19 12-04-2015 05:50 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome