Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Depends on time of year
Re: Long term separation, don't know how to move on
Honey, I feel for you. I have crummy health also, multiple serious health conditions, and one of my diseases is considered "terminal" and the best case scenario was 7 years. That was over 10 years ago, and I'm in my early fourties and still doing reasonably well.
In most cases, there is someone for everyone, it's a matter of finding that someone.
I ended a very unhappy marriage of 20 years. So there I was, with two kids in tow and crappy health. I have always known I was a wife and mom to my core, and even though I am a successful business owner, being a wife and mom is my "calling".
I entered the dating world after not having dated since I was a teen. I also married as a virgin like you. I had no clue how this was all going to play out. My personality as it is, makes me a full disclosure girl. I met my hubby very quickly once I threw my hat in the ring again to date. After our first date (where the connection was AMAZING) the very next morning I told him I had some more things about myself that I wanted to share with him before we had our second date. Now, I understand that most people will think this is absurd to share that much info with essentially a stranger, but it's simply the way I tick.
I had a lot of time like you after my XH and I seperated to think about how I would handle dating and the like. I personally felt that it would be really mean to allow anyone to become emotionally involved with me without understanding the seriousness of my health conditions. Since my illnesses are not readily visible, a person could conceivably have dated me and really fallen for me long before they figured out or I disclosed my health conditions. Any man that was going to want to get serious with me, didn't deserve to find that out a few months in once their hearts were involved. Weird as it was, I laid it all out to hubby the morning after our first date. He deserved the right (IMO) to make and educated decision if he wanted to pursue a relationship with someone like me. He was a man with a wonderful personality and sense of humor, no kids, no "baggage", gorgeous, athletic, gainfully employed etc who could have his pick of women...
He patiently listened on the phone to me telling him every flaw I had. As I finished each one he said, "I don't care." At this point I was like...Okkkkk, I've done my due diligence. Just last night over dinner he looked up at me and said, "You always tease me about all the hot girls I dated before you, but none of them were even close to how perfect you are for me. I LOVE US!" So I told you all that so I could tell you this...put yourself out there to find love again. If it is in online dating since you are in a smaller area, disclose as soon as your gut tells you that you should. You want to weed out those who aren't interested in a committed relationship with someone that has chronic illnesses. You also want to be fair to the men.
My grandmother was extremely chronically ill, two failed marriages, and FOUR kids in tow when she met my Grandpa. They fell in love and he adopted all the kids and they spent over forty years happily married. Like my husband, he WAS AN EXCEPTIONAL MAN. They are out there, but you will need to throw YOUR hat in the ring like me and my Grandma did to find one.
Blessings to you and your son, and hopes of you finding the love you deserve.