pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 06:55 PM Thread Starter
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pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

Decided to post this in a new thread because it could be a useful discussion relevant to many people.

What are your thoughts on purchasing new items for the home before the divorce. Things like kitchen tools, utensils, a bed, stuff you know you are going to need when you actually move out. Do you consider this wrong because you are using essentially marital money to make the purchase?

In my situation our finances are basically split but not legally split as in we have different bank accounts now. So all bank balances are marital property (community property state) but her bank balance I can't touch because it was funded by student loans that I do not want anything to do with. She will get half of what's in my bank when we actually go through with the D.

Considering how things went last time I split up with my wife I am thinking ahead this time. Last time I slept on a leaky air mattress for 3 weeks before I had a bed. I only had a few items in the kitchen to cook with as she took everything including half the money yet left me with the rental house and the big bills.

This time I am considering buying utensils, a pots/pans set, kitchen necessities, maybe a futon and keeping it all in the garage so I am ready for what's coming. What are your thoughts? I have 6 months before someone actually moves out of the house.

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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 07:00 PM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

I don't see anything wrong with that. I would make sure your wife is on board with you doing that. I would have been completely supportive of my STBXH doing that. But, he went home to Daddy instead of getting his own place.
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 07:04 PM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

I wouldn't buy anything this early. If you don't know who will be moving out or who is taking what, you don't know what you'll need in terms of household items and furniture sizes.

When I left my exH, all I took were my personal belongings, my kids toys, and my kids beds. I bought everything else once I had a lease signed and knew exactly how much space I'd have for household item storage and what room sizes I was working with.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 07:05 PM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

What does your state law say about this?

I would toe the legal line as close as possible, if it allows you to then do it, but the law may be sure to take the 50% cut of anything you buy in the end for your partner.

I'd rather be able to give her her share of money outright than owe her her share of the money.
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 07:32 PM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

What does your lawyer say?
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 07:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

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What does your state law say about this?

I would toe the legal line as close as possible, if it allows you to then do it, but the law may be sure to take the 50% cut of anything you buy in the end for your partner.

I'd rather be able to give her her share of money outright than owe her her share of the money.
no matter who moves out the bed is hers. She had it before we got together and we have since gotten rid of my bed.

When looking at the assets we have I'd be willing to make the bet she takes the kitchen stuff regardless of who moves out. Last time she moved out cleaning out the kitchen, taking half the bank account too, and on top of that had a stash of cash saved up that she conveniently didn't split.

Last time we split I had just enough money in the bank to make the bills that were due and no money to buy new things to put in a now empty house. I don't want to go through that again.

I'm not plotting to buy $200 silverware or anything but to have a small walmart set of silverware, some cheapo kitchen items to cook with, and a mattress or futon with some bedding. I'll ask someone I know about the legal aspect of this idea. I was just wondering if anyone else here did this or if anyone has done this and had it bite them in the butt.
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 08:11 PM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

I think you should go ahead and gt the items, you do already have separate finances after all.

I had a friend who did this, and he got a storage that he put things in. He still may sure and pay his part of everything until the divorce, he was better off getting him a few things since in the end she took it all anyway.



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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 08:27 PM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

probably smart to do at least some shopping now. You have time to look for bargains on things you are positive you will need.

I know people who have bought new bedroom furniture and moved into a spare room. Then when they move out, at least that much is covered. (obviously this only works if you have a spare room)

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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 09:22 PM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

I bought a number of things before the divorce with my own money. I felt that would help me prepare for life without him and it did.

Last edited by Openminded; 12-21-2016 at 03:05 AM.
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 09:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

Yeah our money is split up. I pay for everything though she doesn't work, full time student 6 months to go until she is working and we can be done.

I'm going to start buying the stuff and just pile it up on an empty shelf on the garage so I'm ready to go. I don't particularly want any of our stuff. It's poorly taken care of as she delegates all work to her daughter (my step daughter) and it's nothing but reminders of this.


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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 10:32 PM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

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Originally Posted by Tillaan View Post
no matter who moves out the bed is hers. She had it before we got together and we have since gotten rid of my bed.

When looking at the assets we have I'd be willing to make the bet she takes the kitchen stuff regardless of who moves out. Last time she moved out cleaning out the kitchen, taking half the bank account too, and on top of that had a stash of cash saved up that she conveniently didn't split.

Last time we split I had just enough money in the bank to make the bills that were due and no money to buy new things to put in a now empty house. I don't want to go through that again.

I'm not plotting to buy $200 silverware or anything but to have a small walmart set of silverware, some cheapo kitchen items to cook with, and a mattress or futon with some bedding. I'll ask someone I know about the legal aspect of this idea. I was just wondering if anyone else here did this or if anyone has done this and had it bite them in the butt.
Divorced twice in my early days of military... really didn't care about taking anything I didn't come with.

I'd track it just to make sure the courts see you as diligent.

My first wife spent me into near bankruptcy... the court saw I sold everything I had of any value and in the decree stuck her with the balance of debt because I had a ledger of every transaction that my lawyer submitted for action... and my second marriage I dumpster'd everything we had (infidelity on her part).

One doesn't really need much up front... state by state is the rule though.
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-19-2016, 10:35 PM Thread Starter
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

Yeah I'll track what I buy. I doubt I'll cross the $500 mark.


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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 10:35 AM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

I wouldn't buy anything too nice, and I'd probably keep whatever I did buy in storage (except, of course, for anything you need to buy as a result of the in-house separation).

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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 10:49 AM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

How well are you able to discuss and compromise with your STBX? After I filed we were civil so I just asked what she wanted to take at that time and what she needed me to temporarily store in my house, then I helped her move her crap out of my place. Do you think your STBX is going to be easy to deal with or a challenge, because there are different ways to deal with things depending on how you think she'll act.

Also, if you start buying things and it's after you filed for D, she will likely say that you used your share of the assets instead of the communal assets for those purchases.
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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 10:57 AM
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Re: pre-D buying your own set of household goods and/or furniture

I bought a condo and furnished it. That was fair as she kept the house and existing furnishings, except for a few items. Those came from joint assets, so mine should, too. We did discuss all this - I didn't act behind her back. Just as well I bought all that I did, when I did, as the divorce took forever; I bought and lived in three different homes (four, if you count the RV I lived in full time while traveling for work) during the time it took to actually divorce.

Love is an ideal thing; marriage is a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never goes unpunished. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

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