Need help/ideas dealing with separation/Divorce - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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post #31 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 09:02 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help/ideas dealing with separation/Divorce

Lots of good advice, even if I don't always like it. I appreciate the time everyone has take out of their lives and problems to help me (even you Gus)😄.

I do need to be more positive. I think I've spent too much time surviving that I forgot what it's like to be happy and relaxed. I used to be such a happy and easy going guy, and I've haven't been him in a long while. And I like that guy, not the one I am now. And I know why're not that guy, it's being around her. I hate that I am something totally different around her than I am anywhere else. I am actually good at what I do and am well respected in my community, but it's so different at home.

how can I be so sure of myself and know exactly who I am in every situation but the most important one in my life? Why does she fog things up and spin me about so easily?

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post #32 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 09:25 PM
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Re: Need help/ideas dealing with separation/Divorce

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4. Older two don't really want her back. She is spending Christmas day with us for the whole day, and kids are nervous and youngest one is physically ill being worried about it. How do I deal with that??
Question: why aren't you putting the emotional well-being of your children first, especially your youngest daughter's? If they don't want her back, why are you forcing her on them? Because she's their mother? She abandoned them! Give them the freedom to choose or it will be a miserable Christmas for all.

As for why she only admitted to the EA, it's simple, really. Women understand that with most men, an EA during a marriage is not as destructive as a physical affair. Cheaters by nature lie, because they don't want to feel the shame and public ridicule from the exposure.
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post #33 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 12:13 AM
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Re: Need help/ideas dealing with separation/Divorce

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Lots of good advice, even if I don't always like it. I appreciate the time everyone has take out of their lives and problems to help me (even you Gus)😄.

I do need to be more positive. I think I've spent too much time surviving that I forgot what it's like to be happy and relaxed. I used to be such a happy and easy going guy, and I've haven't been him in a long while. And I like that guy, not the one I am now. And I know why're not that guy, it's being around her. I hate that I am something totally different around her than I am anywhere else. I am actually good at what I do and am well respected in my community, but it's so different at home.

how can I be so sure of myself and know exactly who I am in every situation but the most important one in my life? Why does she fog things up and spin me about so easily?
One word: codependency.

Please refresh my memory; have you done any reading on the subject?

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

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post #34 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:25 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Need help/ideas dealing with separation/Divorce

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One word: codependency.

Please refresh my memory; have you done any reading on the subject?
Please refresh my memory; have you done any reading on the subject?[/QUOTE]


Yeah, I'm about 65 pages into the Boundaries book someone recommended to me. It makes sense and I agree with the book ,it just amazes me I can get into such a fog and get brain lock around her.
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post #35 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:50 PM
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Re: Need help/ideas dealing with separation/Divorce

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Yeah, I'm about 65 pages into the Boundaries book someone recommended to me. It makes sense and I agree with the book ,it just amazes me I can get into such a fog and get brain lock around her.
Give yourself a (very small) break, man -- you're fighting against 18+ years of programming.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

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post #36 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-27-2016, 11:47 AM
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Re: Need help/ideas dealing with separation/Divorce

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Originally Posted by unhappyinohio View Post
Lots of good advice, even if I don't always like it. I appreciate the time everyone has take out of their lives and problems to help me (even you Gus)😄.

I do need to be more positive. I think I've spent too much time surviving that I forgot what it's like to be happy and relaxed. I used to be such a happy and easy going guy, and I've haven't been him in a long while. And I like that guy, not the one I am now. And I know why're not that guy, it's being around her. I hate that I am something totally different around her than I am anywhere else. I am actually good at what I do and am well respected in my community, but it's so different at home.

how can I be so sure of myself and know exactly who I am in every situation but the most important one in my life? Why does she fog things up and spin me about so easily?
Because YOU don't believe you're all that. Until you learn to love yourself, you will always seek your worth in someone else - and that is the path to madness and frustration, putting your happiness in the hands of another person.

Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy yet?
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post #37 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 06:36 PM
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Re: Need help/ideas dealing with separation/Divorce

Thread on the way to necro land.
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post #38 of 38 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 07:48 PM
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Re: Need help/ideas dealing with separation/Divorce

OP The best thing you could do is take peoples advice hear your wife is cheating on you physically let's get that straight right now sorry. She is not your wife anymore she is your enemy. She choose another man you need to take a vantage of the situation and get all you can while she's in her fog get her to sign some agreement about your pension get all that in writing and have it maybe written up by your lawyer. Make no mistake, cheaters lie and she's a liar first of all have you ever read up on bipolar what they go through sexually I'm sure you have I don't know why you wouldn't think she was in a PA. The best thing to do for your life and for your kids to Divorce her now. You know this to be true. Do yourself a huge favor take the advice given to you, Buy these good people that are not receiving a paycheck, and have No motivation to do you wrong, they are here to help out of the kindness of their hearts, no one gets paid they do this voluntarily they do this because they were here like you scared not knowing what to do and they came here received help... so they're just passing on what was so freely given to them. The people here in do a huge service to our society for absolutely nothing in return. Where else could you get this help.? When discovering The biggest nightmare of your life, you find out your wives or husbands cheating on you. You can't call the cops, sure you can call for individual counseling for marriage counseling but most likely the appointment are days away if not weeks. Their asses are falling off right now they need help now. The good people of TAM are here for 24 hours a day. So I tend to get a little pissed off 😡 When some guy comes here for help and he's getting pissed off at some TAM member, because he's telling him the truth about his precious WW who's having a full on PA .

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