Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 03:45 PM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

Four years is insanity!


Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #17 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 04:27 PM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Why are you divorcing him?
As I recall he's a lying, unrepentant cheater.

OP, is that correct?
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post #18 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 11:44 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Why are you divorcing him?


He cheated before we were married and hid the extent of it for four years, I only found out a few months ago.


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post #19 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 11:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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In addition to that, (1)how many children do you have together, (2)have the two you tried committing to marriage, church, or psychological counseling,(3)is this the first marriage for you, and if so, how long have the two of you been married, and (4)do the both of you actively work outside the home?


We don't have any children. We have had marriage counselling which didn't work for us. Yes, it's the first marriage for both of us. He works away and I am not working at present due to closing my business down.


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post #20 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 11:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Four years is insanity!


It is, it feels so backwards here sometimes when it comes to issues of this nature.


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post #21 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 11:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Originally Posted by lifeistooshort View Post
As I recall he's a lying, unrepentant cheater.



OP, is that correct?


That is 100% correct. You've gave an accurate description of him.


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post #22 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 06:03 PM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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That is 100% correct. You've gave an accurate description of him.


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Grounds For Divorce | Family Law Ireland

Under Irish law you might be considered to be living apart when you are living under the same roof.

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http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk...-cheaters.html (Be afraid UK cheaters! CheaterVille has come to the UK!
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post #23 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-23-2016, 07:04 PM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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You're right, it can take years here in Ireland, it's ridiculous.

At the moment I haven't saw him in a month and he has been staying with family as I don't want to he under the same roof. He was reluctant about staying elsewhere but I was firm and told him that if he came by the house I would let everyone know why I'm divorcing him.

So far the communication is via messaging as I won't take any of his calls, I don't respond to his messages but he constantly sends them and continues to phone hoping I'll answer. He sends gifts and has changed his job so he can be at home rather than away, something I wanted for a long time whilst we were together but unfortunately it's too late now.


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It sounds like you're doing everything right in terms of sending a strong message that this is over. A month isn't that long, so this might continue a while longer. It's tough I'm sure, but I'd hope that in Ireland, like the US, that it will still move forward as long as you want it.

That is one thing I would do and I think other posters have written this as well—find out everything you can about the process and how much, if any, leverage he has to stop the divorce or make it drag on and on. You don't have kids so that should make it far easier.

One thing I would avoid from here on out are threats like telling him you'd let everyone know why you're divorcing him if he comes by the house. For one, in his state he might look at it like a fight rather than something meant to send a clear message that it's over. A fight can be "won" so that might have had the unintended consequence of giving him a new goal—to get you to allow him to come to the house to see you.

Second, there could be the potential for him to use that during the divorce process. For example, he could claim that he you denied him access to his home (if he's listed on the lease/mortgage) and threatened him to force the issue. It might not lead to anything substantive, but it could create more legal headaches and costs for you and you don't want that. Also, if he is listed on the lease/mortgage for your current address, I'd suggest you leave if you can or at least explore options to get him off the paperwork. After that, he has no legal reason to be there if you don't want him there.

Hope he backs off soon and that the years you have left to go in this are easier than what's happened so far.
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post #24 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-25-2016, 04:53 PM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

Contact an attorney. Best thing I could have done to make the divorce as smooth as possible. Great advise and super helpful. He does not have to hire an attorney. What I told my attorney was that I wanted them for guidance and wanted to do our divorce as much as possible ourselves and the ex agreed. I felt better by having that legal backing just in case he did decide he was going to try to fight anything. I agreed to things that he asked of me and I wish I had not. I was trying to keep peace and I was advised not to change anything just to keep peace.
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post #25 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 05:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Grounds For Divorce | Family Law Ireland



Under Irish law you might be considered to be living apart when you are living under the same roof.


I'll have to look into that some more.


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post #26 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 05:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Originally Posted by golfpanther View Post
It sounds like you're doing everything right in terms of sending a strong message that this is over. A month isn't that long, so this might continue a while longer. It's tough I'm sure, but I'd hope that in Ireland, like the US, that it will still move forward as long as you want it.



That is one thing I would do and I think other posters have written this as well—find out everything you can about the process and how much, if any, leverage he has to stop the divorce or make it drag on and on. You don't have kids so that should make it far easier.



One thing I would avoid from here on out are threats like telling him you'd let everyone know why you're divorcing him if he comes by the house. For one, in his state he might look at it like a fight rather than something meant to send a clear message that it's over. A fight can be "won" so that might have had the unintended consequence of giving him a new goal—to get you to allow him to come to the house to see you.



Second, there could be the potential for him to use that during the divorce process. For example, he could claim that he you denied him access to his home (if he's listed on the lease/mortgage) and threatened him to force the issue. It might not lead to anything substantive, but it could create more legal headaches and costs for you and you don't want that. Also, if he is listed on the lease/mortgage for your current address, I'd suggest you leave if you can or at least explore options to get him off the paperwork. After that, he has no legal reason to be there if you don't want him there.



Hope he backs off soon and that the years you have left to go in this are easier than what's happened so far.


I've never looked at it from that point of view, he may see it as fighting talk, and I don't want that.

We are both on the mortgage and so far he has been very cooperative by staying away as requested and allowing me my space. By doing that he thinks he's giving me time to think and perhaps reconsider, that's what he's hoping for but it won't happen.

I just want the process to be as brief as possible, have wasted a lot of time and don't want to waste anymore on him.


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post #27 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-26-2016, 05:52 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Originally Posted by AVR1962 View Post
Contact an attorney. Best thing I could have done to make the divorce as smooth as possible. Great advise and super helpful. He does not have to hire an attorney. What I told my attorney was that I wanted them for guidance and wanted to do our divorce as much as possible ourselves and the ex agreed. I felt better by having that legal backing just in case he did decide he was going to try to fight anything. I agreed to things that he asked of me and I wish I had not. I was trying to keep peace and I was advised not to change anything just to keep peace.


That's good advice and I will pay attention to it.

I have spoken with an attorney in regards to filing for divorce and all that's gone through, regarding separation and what happens with assets and so on is something I need to find out more about, I need to keep myself safe along with my finances.


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