Originally Posted by Loveontherocks View Post
You're right, it can take years here in Ireland, it's ridiculous.
At the moment I haven't saw him in a month and he has been staying with family as I don't want to he under the same roof. He was reluctant about staying elsewhere but I was firm and told him that if he came by the house I would let everyone know why I'm divorcing him.
So far the communication is via messaging as I won't take any of his calls, I don't respond to his messages but he constantly sends them and continues to phone hoping I'll answer. He sends gifts and has changed his job so he can be at home rather than away, something I wanted for a long time whilst we were together but unfortunately it's too late now.
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It sounds like you're doing everything right in terms of sending a strong message that this is over. A month isn't that long, so this might continue a while longer. It's tough I'm sure, but I'd hope that in Ireland, like the US, that it will still move forward as long as you want it.
That is one thing I would do and I think other posters have written this as well—find out everything you can about the process and how much, if any, leverage he has to stop the divorce or make it drag on and on. You don't have kids so that should make it far easier.
One thing I would avoid from here on out are threats like telling him you'd let everyone know why you're divorcing him if he comes by the house. For one, in his state he might look at it like a fight rather than something meant to send a clear message that it's over. A fight can be "won" so that might have had the unintended consequence of giving him a new goal—to get you to allow him to come to the house to see you.
Second, there could be the potential for him to use that during the divorce process. For example, he could claim that he you denied him access to his home (if he's listed on the lease/mortgage) and threatened him to force the issue. It might not lead to anything substantive, but it could create more legal headaches and costs for you and you don't want that. Also, if he is listed on the lease/mortgage for your current address, I'd suggest you leave if you can or at least explore options to get him off the paperwork. After that, he has no legal reason to be there if you don't want him there.
Hope he backs off soon and that the years you have left to go in this are easier than what's happened so far.