Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 09:11 PM Thread Starter
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Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

I recently filed for divorce as there was huge problems within my marriage. My husband can't believe I've done this and is reluctant to give me an easy divorce and is doing everything he thinks may change my mind, all the things I wanted him to do whilst we were married, however, it's too late now and I need and want to move on.

My problem is...he doesn't seem to fully grasp this, he just keeps trying his best to change my mind rather than accept it.

I am concerned that because of this he's going to make divorce difficult by refusing to sign the papers.

Has anyone any advice with what I can do to make this as quick as possible, even if he isn't compliant?




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post #2 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 09:16 PM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

If you haven't moved out yet, that would help. Staying under the same roof will only drag it out, if he is going to drag it out. He doesn't own you, let him rant on lol If you want out, file...and then move out, eventually he has to comply.

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post #3 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 10:38 PM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

I didn't think he would take it well.

If he refuses to sign the papers does that delay the divorce? Doesn't it take a year under normal circumstances?
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post #4 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 11:14 PM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

Each state has different divorce laws. Google divorce laws in your state. It tells you how long it takes for uncontested vs. contested. There is a difference between not signing the papers, and not responding to your petition for divorce.

Educate yourself..... it helps get rid of all the "what ifs".
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post #5 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 11:43 PM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Originally Posted by SunnyT View Post
Each state has different divorce laws. Google divorce laws in your state. It tells you how long it takes for uncontested vs. contested. There is a difference between not signing the papers, and not responding to your petition for divorce.

Educate yourself..... it helps get rid of all the "what ifs".
The location for the OP says Dublin, so state laws (guessing you mean America) won't help her if that's accurate.

I read up a little on Irish divorces and it seems that it takes 4 years of living separately before the proceedings can actually begin? Is that right? That just seems crazy to me, and this is coming from a guy whose wife recently moved out and is supposed to file any day now for a divorce I don't want.

If you are living in Dublin and that is the case for you, I'm really sorry, that's a ridiculous amount of time to wait.

But in terms of how to deal with him, I'd call, text, see him face to face or whatever you're comfortable with and just say there is no chance at reconciliation. You don't have to be mean about it, but be firm and then tell him that after that conversation you won't reply to any communication (you can set some parameters where you're okay with it if you like—i.e. emergencies, something for the divorce etc.).

After that, stay firm. Just out of curiosity, how much communication is taking place between the two of you now? Understand that he will equate any communication to hope that the marriage can be saved. Even if it's you telling him over and over it's done, the constant engagement will send his scrabbled brain the message that as long as you're talking to him, there's a chance something can change your mind.

Hope it gets better for you.
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post #6 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-21-2016, 11:49 PM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

Is it accurate that the Divorce Act requires that the couple must have lived apart for at least four of the five years before proceedings are issued in Ireland?

ETA... just looked at this : http://www.lawyer.ie/family-law/how-to-divorce/
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post #7 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 06:22 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Originally Posted by *Deidre* View Post
If you haven't moved out yet, that would help. Staying under the same roof will only drag it out, if he is going to drag it out. He doesn't own you, let him rant on lol If you want out, file...and then move out, eventually he has to comply.


I haven't moved out but I've put him out, he's living with a family member right now. And I haven't seen him in around a month. You're right he doesn't own me and he needs to comply.


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post #8 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 06:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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I didn't think he would take it well.



If he refuses to sign the papers does that delay the divorce? Doesn't it take a year under normal circumstances?


He hasn't taken it well at all. Yes, it puts a huge delay on things. Here in Ireland divorce proceedings can take years to finalise, so I'm just concerned that he will do everything to make things difficult for me.


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post #9 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 06:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Originally Posted by SunnyT View Post
Each state has different divorce laws. Google divorce laws in your state. It tells you how long it takes for uncontested vs. contested. There is a difference between not signing the papers, and not responding to your petition for divorce.



Educate yourself..... it helps get rid of all the "what ifs".


That's what I need to do, do some research and find out more and then I can use it if I need to.


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post #10 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 06:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Originally Posted by golfpanther View Post
The location for the OP says Dublin, so state laws (guessing you mean America) won't help her if that's accurate.



I read up a little on Irish divorces and it seems that it takes 4 years of living separately before the proceedings can actually begin? Is that right? That just seems crazy to me, and this is coming from a guy whose wife recently moved out and is supposed to file any day now for a divorce I don't want.



If you are living in Dublin and that is the case for you, I'm really sorry, that's a ridiculous amount of time to wait.



But in terms of how to deal with him, I'd call, text, see him face to face or whatever you're comfortable with and just say there is no chance at reconciliation. You don't have to be mean about it, but be firm and then tell him that after that conversation you won't reply to any communication (you can set some parameters where you're okay with it if you like—i.e. emergencies, something for the divorce etc.).



After that, stay firm. Just out of curiosity, how much communication is taking place between the two of you now? Understand that he will equate any communication to hope that the marriage can be saved. Even if it's you telling him over and over it's done, the constant engagement will send his scrabbled brain the message that as long as you're talking to him, there's a chance something can change your mind.



Hope it gets better for you.


You're right, it can take years here in Ireland, it's ridiculous.

At the moment I haven't saw him in a month and he has been staying with family as I don't want to he under the same roof. He was reluctant about staying elsewhere but I was firm and told him that if he came by the house I would let everyone know why I'm divorcing him.

So far the communication is via messaging as I won't take any of his calls, I don't respond to his messages but he constantly sends them and continues to phone hoping I'll answer. He sends gifts and has changed his job so he can be at home rather than away, something I wanted for a long time whilst we were together but unfortunately it's too late now.


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post #11 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 06:32 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Originally Posted by Emerging Buddhist View Post
Is it accurate that the Divorce Act requires that the couple must have lived apart for at least four of the five years before proceedings are issued in Ireland?

ETA... just looked at this : http://www.lawyer.ie/family-law/how-to-divorce/


It is pretty accurate and it is such a screwed up system.


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post #12 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 07:30 AM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Originally Posted by Emerging Buddhist View Post
Is it accurate that the Divorce Act requires that the couple must have lived apart for at least four of the five years before proceedings are issued in Ireland?

ETA... just looked at this : http://www.lawyer.ie/family-law/how-to-divorce/
They are trying to get legislation to change it.
Not really on the list of priorities in our government.


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post #13 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 07:37 AM
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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I was firm and told him that if he came by the house I would let everyone know why I'm divorcing him.
Why are you divorcing him?
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post #14 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 08:43 AM
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Cool Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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Why are you divorcing him?
In addition to that, (1)how many children do you have together, (2)have the two you tried committing to marriage, church, or psychological counseling,(3)is this the first marriage for you, and if so, how long have the two of you been married, and (4)do the both of you actively work outside the home?

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Last edited by arbitrator; 12-22-2016 at 08:48 AM. Reason: Edification
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post #15 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-22-2016, 03:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Husband can't believe I'm divorcing him and won't give up trying to win me back

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They are trying to get legislation to change it.
Not really on the list of priorities in our government.


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I think the government are still living in the Stone Age at times, it's like our laws can be so backwards.


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