loyalandalone

My husband and I have been seperated since 2/06. It has gotten very ugly.
We've both said some awful and hurtful things to each other. We have a 4yr. old daughter. Recently he filed the petition for divorce. I responded and we've since gone to the initial status conference which got very heated. We are now awaiting mediation. He has a lawyer I don't. The conference made me realize just how silly this whole thing is. We are not really fighting over anything. There is no property. We agree on joint custody and he has visitation. We are not agreeing on child support but based on our earnings and the formula they use in court I've realized he is paying the standard unless child care is needed.
Reading over the postings here and on other sites I've realized we are about to divorce over hurt feelings, ego and cultural differences (he's from Jamaica) I called him last night and said (this was very difficult to do) I think our marriage can be fixed with counseling. He flat out refused which was no surprised. He basically said he did not need to change anything but I did.
This is how our marriage was also. He never felt ever in the wrong. I really need a professional to hear him. I need someone to tell him "your not perfect." I need him to understand that our daughter deserves to have her parents together and not apart over b.s.
I plan on bringing all this up in mediation and hope the court will order counseling. If they don't I'm not sure what the next step will be. Does anyone have any advice for me?

draconis

First there are a couple of things you can do.

1) Declare the marriage is possible to save. Normally the court will give you a stay of six months. I doubt though it will change his desire to divorce you.

2) As for parenting classes. He will have to go or lose the ability to see his daughter.

In the end though I think he has made up his mind. It doesn't matter what you want for your child if he wants to not be in the relationship. Sometimes it is better to divorce and have two happy parents then see your parents and know they are unhappy and always fighting.

In the end the choice is your alone to make. It maybe helpful for you to get counciling on your own.

I wish you the best of luck.

draconis

loyalandalone

Thank you, I have decided to let the marriage go. I have realized I deserve so much more. I also realized I was trying to hold onto the marriage for all the wrong reasons. I left him a message yesterday and thanked him. Because of the way he responded (never him needing to change but everyone else) my eyes again opened to the fact that he will never change and why would I want that uphill battle for the rest of my life. I wished him luck and again truly thanked him for helping me realize it was not all my.

draconis

loyalandalone ~ I wish you the best of luck.

I hope you stay on the forums and help other people as well, you have been through a difficult time and that experience is sometimes needed here.

draconis

loyalandalone

Thank you, draconis, I will.