nickiblue

exactly 1 year ago i found husband under the covers with someone else.
this made me realise just how much i loved him (which i hadnt up till that point, and admit probably drove him to her)
spent until september begging, pleading with him, still living in same house for him to give me a chance. he refused over and over.
september i file for divorce because i could take no more, and i went overseas alone. i had spent months alone and undesired, had a holiday fling.
returned, h all of a sudden wants to work it out, giving me no explanation for his chgange of heart. (i think his girlfriend all of a sudden realised how real the situation was and got scared).
had offer on house we accepted. despite it all i still love him. dont have any strength left to mke decisions. too scared to see divorce through and too scared to stop it
please help

tacoma

I don`t see the problem.

You two both want to be together so...be together.

You`ll have to take the time to work through the infidelities but I don`t see what other problem you have.

nickiblue

i have gone through a year of pain,
i have moved forward although slowly.
extremely afraid he will change his mind again, 1 month, 6 months, several years time and i will be back to square 1.
i dont think i could cope with that.
he hes refused any councelling- couples or individual
his affair is with one of his collegue, he has refused to look for another job.
i cant see anyother option but to split although my heart is breaking.

Sparkles422

nickiblue: That's the trust issue. That is what burnt it for me.

Can you give yourself a little time to digest this new reality? Ask him for time and observe his behavior. What else can you do? You love him but you don't trust him. Perhaps, with time you will have more material in which to make a decision.

My best to you whatever the outcome.

Catherine602

Unfortunately Niki I think you are the fall back woman. In that position, I think you are a temporary holdover until he can get the other woman back or find someone to replace you. If he can't tell you why he wants back then he is just marking time.

Does he behave as if he feels he made a mistake and has discovered that you are the true love of his life? Does he tell you how much he loves you and he will do anything to prove it? If he seems depressed and just going thru the motions he is greasing the end of the other relationship and wants you around for emotional suport. He is probably still in communication with the other woman and he is probably trying to convince her to come back. He is not sure she will so he does not to be alone. He thinks that since you accepted his cheating once and begged him that you will always be there when he needs you.

You seem to have come so far and you are doing all of the right things for recovery. Please don't go back to him. It does not sound as if he loves you enough to put you first. He has no respect for you because you demand nothing even though he has treated you poorly so he thinks he can use you till his OW comes back.

Tell him that you don't love the man he has become. You will be glad you did. You'll meet someone who will cherish you and you will not make the same mistakes you made with him. get him out of your life, be strong. He is no longer worth it. Let him feel the devastation of being dumpted by two women. From two women wanting him he now has none, too bad for him. ,
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HerToo

Tell him that he really wants you, then he will have to commit to counseling, transparency on everything, and finding a different job elsewhere (company gatherings will only bring heartache).

You see the rules if he wants you. Even if you want him to. Don't go back under the same conditions you live in while he cheated.

And this is coming from a cheater.