We're getting back "together" - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
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post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 10:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: We're getting back "together"

We've been together 7 years, married 3 and we have never had any issues until now. I want to be able to put everything behind us and move on but I am still dealing with the abandonment from him. I knew something was weird and when I found out he didn't "feel" in love anymore, we both said we would work on it but 2 weeks later and he wanted to separate. I am still dealing with the pain of him basically making me leave my home. It is a long story but when we separated we said we would just leave the door open for us to reconcile but he said there was little hope for it. Anyways I pushed him for weeks for a answer and after a month of being separated he told me it was for sure over and he would file for D but he never did and when I tried to talk to him about it he would blow it off. I'd say almost 3 weeks later and he started talking to me again but said just friends.. and then it went to just friends but seeing where it went. About a month of that, He said he knew we could make it work again and be happy but didn't want to rush me coming home... I love him and want our marriage but I feel he is being very selfish. I know I need to work on my trust issues by that I mean if he doesn't say something right then I freak out thinking he is tired of me and shutting the door on us again. He thinks when I come home I will be judging his every action and if he messes up I'll attack.

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post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 10:41 PM
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Re: We're getting back "together"

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Originally Posted by GusPolinski View Post
He's cheating.
This.

"Our ability to feel joy is directly related to how much pain we are willing to feel." - Mavash.

"The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for." - Bob Marley
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post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 10:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: We're getting back "together"

So even thought we talk almost 24/7 which would mean he is glued to his phone everyone insists he is cheating. What female would put up with a man being glued to his phone. I know I wouldn't. I'm not saying he hasn't cheated. If for some reason he has I will probably never know. But at this point, I am choosing to believe otherwise.
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post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 10:59 PM
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Re: We're getting back "together"

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Originally Posted by roxy2016 View Post
So even thought we talk almost 24/7 which would mean he is glued to his phone everyone insists he is cheating. What female would put up with a man being glued to his phone. I know I wouldn't. I'm not saying he hasn't cheated. If for some reason he has I will probably never know. But at this point, I am choosing to believe otherwise.
Umm, pretty much every woman under 35 seems to not only "put up with" a man glued to his phone, but they are also usually glued to theirs. Not to mention that hook up culture pretty much requires being glued to your phone so you can text and chat with multiple people at once.

Everything you describe fits the standard keep the wife on the hook just in case something better doesn't come along.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:04 PM
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Re: We're getting back "together"

Please understand that I say this w/ the utmost respect and just as politely as possible...

Wow. I didn't realize that women could be this clueless where relationships are concerned. I though it was just men.

Aaaaanyway...

He wanted to separate because he was cheating.

He wanted to keep in touch but "just as friends" so he could keep you on the hook in case his other relationship doesn't work out.

He wanted to get back together because he got dumped.

He put the brakes on actually getting back together because it looked like his other relationship might work out.

And hey, the phone thing may very well be the reason behind all the strife in his other relationship.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #21 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: We're getting back "together"

Ok I can understand the keep the wife on the hook part. And I get why everyone is thinking he's cheating etc. But I'm asking for advice on that he may not be doing any of this and genuinely wants to get back together.
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post #22 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:06 PM
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Re: We're getting back "together"

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Ok I can understand the keep the wife on the hook part. And I get why everyone is thinking he's cheating etc. But I'm asking for advice on that he may not be doing any of this and genuinely wants to get back together.
If he wanted to get back together then you'd be back together.

But you're not, sooooo...

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #23 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:33 PM Thread Starter
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Re: We're getting back "together"

So it seems I'm going to get no other advice other than he is for sure cheating. So how should I handle it then. If I ask he's going to say no. I have no way of finding out as we are in 2 different places. So what should I do here give him an ultimatum.
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post #24 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:38 PM
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Re: We're getting back "together"

Just tell him that you're done waiting around and that you're moving on.

And mean it.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #25 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: We're getting back "together"

I have told him and told him, I am literally thirsting for love and attention. He apologizes, says he'll try to be more affectionate. But nothing changes. See the thing is due to our living situation we have not seen each other for a few months. I am so lonely it hurts. Yeah talking to him 24/7 helps but it isn't meeting my needs.

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post #26 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-30-2016, 11:59 PM
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Re: We're getting back "together"

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I have told him and told him, I am literally thirsting for love and attention. He apologizes, says he'll try to be more affectionate. But nothing changes. See the thing is due to our living situation we have not seen each other for a few months. I am so lonely it hurts. Yeah talking to him 24/7 helps but it isn't meeting my needs.
This is how he knows he doesn't have to do more than just say he'll change -- all you've done to date is tell him that you're done.

You need to stop saying it and start showing it.

Virginia: "Why can't you kids leave well enough alone? Everything was fine until you started digging around."

Burt: "You sound like a Scooby Doo villain."
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post #27 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 12:00 AM
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Re: We're getting back "together"

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Originally Posted by roxy2016 View Post
I have told him and told him, I am literally thirsting for love and attention. He apologizes, says he'll try to be more affectionate. But nothing changes. See the thing is due to our living situation we have not seen each other for a few months. I am so lonely it hurts. Yeah talking to him 24/7 helps but it isn't meeting my needs.
Why should anything change? He gets to live the single life and play the field while being secure in the knowledge that you're so desperate for love and attention you'll wait around. All he has to do to keep you hanging on is throw you some meaningless text crumbs. He has no incentive to do anything other than keep you in limbo.

Follow the evidence where it leads and question everything.
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post #28 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 01:30 AM
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Re: We're getting back "together"

If you crave a relationship so bad, get on POF.COM now and start dating. It's free. Don't waste anytime for your loser of a husband that kicked you out of the house so he could bang other women. YES, he had sex with other women while you were a state away. Don't be so naive.

When I left my wife (separated), I was banging other women a day later. I was gone a long time before finally leaving (no sex for 4.5yrs), but I wasn't going through a divorce and not enjoying the finer things in life.
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post #29 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 02:55 AM
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Re: We're getting back "together"

Stop chasing him.

Read about the 180.

Slowly pull away from him.

He will see the change and fix things or you will have your answer.

Stop pursuing him now.
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post #30 of 34 (permalink) Old 12-31-2016, 03:59 AM
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Re: We're getting back "together"

Time for a surprise visit back home.

Make it on a Friday or Saturday night.

You probably won't like what you'll find.
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