Yes I am the one that moved out (stupidly) Looking back he should have been the one to go. I think his reasons were selfish to an extent, I can understand we got together young and he never got a chance to be on his own at the same time neither did I. I take marriage very seriously so even if I felt I had missed out on that I for sure wouldn't be leaving him over it. So in a nutshell his reasons were not feeling in love, never being independent and feeling like he needed to be alone. I asked many times if I done anything to spark this feeling. He always said no. Up until a few weeks ago we had an argument and he was saying how I ruled the home and was controlling with money. Which was not true. I made sure all the house work was done and the bills were payed on time. However he had full access to the money. I didn't let him control paying the bills bc he forgot things a lot. He told me that it had nothing to do with wanting to be with other women. I have asked him if he has been with anyone at any point and says no. But of course I am aware it could not be true.
And yes it was actually just a few days after the 3 month mark where he wanted to work things out.. Today I told him its time to change something or reconsider his decision. He had nothing to say in return... I told him its not fair what he is doing to me.
Usually if I bring up things he has done, he blames me for intentionally trying to hurt him. That's not my intentions but I feel that he doesn't realize how unfair he is being.
His reasons for not wanting to rush me back at home is that he said he is still working on himself and he feels at this point in time we will argue. The only reason we argue now is because he want set an official date for me to move back. He says he loves me and wants to make it work. But honestly if I talk about us or things i'm planning for us to do, he just does not seem excited about it. He seems to think we can put all of this behind us and he never has to be reminded of anything he's done and we will work things out via phone/text and then when he feels ready for me to come home it will happen.
Reading all of this and thinking of all he has done, makes me feel like I deserve better but as I said, I take marriage seriously and I want to at least give him the chance. This came out of no where. When I told people we were separating and possibly divorce, literally every person was jaw-dropped. Because everyone thought we had the perfect marriage.. so did I.
Has he said what exactly he's done up to this point to work on himself? If not, that's likely just a stall tactic.
The whole "feeling like he needed to be alone" definitely sounds like a grass is greener scenario. I'm not saying he for sure cheated, but that at some level he wanted to experience life as a single man and see what happened. Given his change, I'd say he probably struck out or found it to be an unfulfilling prospect, but he's stalling to buy himself a bit more time to see how he likes it. That is an incredibly crappy thing to do to you.
You're situation sounds a bit like mine, except with the roles reversed. While there's more to it, my wife and I also got married very young and she mentioned wanting to see how she was alone in the world as well. It's an understandable point of view, but it can't be the sole reason someone up and leaves a marriage (it wasn't with me and her, but it sounds like that's your husband's main reason).
What really matters is how you feel about it. Do you think that after this you can ever trust that he's committed and not looking around and wondering "what if?" If you think you can, great, but you should take some control of your own life in the meantime. If you want to move back to the city you both lived in, do it. If you need a timeline for things to improve, give it to him. Be sure not to do it in a way that comes off controlling (since that's part of his reasoning for leaving) and instead frame it as you taking care of you.
Lastly, it's ludicrous for him to think you can solve all this over text, phone and e-mail. Working on this means at some point living together. You will argue, you will have bad nights, you will have issues of trust and resentment for a time. Honestly, even when a marriage is great you will have those things, so his expectations sound like perfection and that isn't possible.
Show him that you're ready to move on one way or another and you'll get to see how much he wants to work on things. Hope it goes the way you want it to, but you'll be fine either way.