Ok so I need some advice long story short me and my hubs separated due to him saying he wasnt in love and he needed to be alone. we got together young and have been together 7 years anyways. We called it off and agreed to divorce. he ended talking to me slowly again and wanted to be friends first but told me he wanted us to work out and had never gave up.
My issue is now that we are working things out he isnt ready to live together again? and im feeling very lonely. Also we live in 2 different states now and we cant see each other often so we basically only text due to schedules. its draining me and no matter how much i tell him he isnt ready for us to change it and move back in together. he keeps telling me we'll get there but we need to take it slowly. Also Im dealing with trust issues as to that he will hurt me again.
What am I doing wrong? Am I being unreasonable about wanting to move things fast or is He?
Any advice would be great. Any other questions please do ask.
From the limited information in your post, it sounds like he's very confused. First he said he wasn't in love and needed to be alone, then he wanted to be friends and now he wants to work it and had never given up. How long has the separation been and how long ago did one/both of you move to a different state?
If he went from not being in love all the way to saying he had never given up in a short period of time (less than two months I'd say) then going slowly is 100% the right move in my opinion. You were together for seven years (how long married?) so he likely didn't get to that point where he wanted out without a lot of reflection and contemplation.
Now, if it's been several months or a year or more then going slowly is still probably preferred, but you have a right to push for at least some kind of timeline in my opinion. Of course, pushing him for that could make him retreat so you have to be careful.
One thing you need to sort out are your own trust issues. If those persist and you go right back to living together then your attempt at reconciliation will likely be doomed. You'll feel insecure and that will likely lead to him feeling smothered and resentful from your lack of trust. Also, you're living in two different states, which makes moving back in together a much, much bigger ordeal.
If you're willing to share, it might be helpful to let us know some of the issues that plagued the relationship in your H's mind as well as your own. Depending on the severity of the transgressions that will likely change the type of advice you get on the board.
Overall, my advice would be to get yourself some professional help with his if you haven't already and work on yourself. Yeah, that might sound cliche, but you'll need to be at your best if reconciliation has any chance at success.
Sorry about your situation, it sounds really difficult. Hope you get to a better place soon.