he says hes lost-help - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

User Tag List

 14Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #31 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 04:00 PM
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 35,250
Re: he says hes lost-help

I would do it. But I'm stubborn like that.

Was it in Angela's Ashes (true story) where the mom dragged the kids to the bar and handed them over to the drunkard dad? Pretty effective strategy, IMO. I doubt OW has any intention of caring for kids.

turnera is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 04:50 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 19
Re: he says hes lost-help

My children won't scare her off, its complicated but she's already met them. I was her friend and our kids played together. Something else that works against me.
Her and her ex broke up in October. They had an on/off relationship for 8 years and have 3 boys under 5. He has 2 children from a previous relationship (too many children involved). I'm wondering how long it is before her and her ex start getting along?!
However, I know she's intimidated by me because when we first met, she kept telling me how amazing I was and how pretty I was. I know that if I go in, they have to play nice because I aren't supposed to know and its going to be hard seeing us all pull together as a family. It will also just make them uncomfortable and spin out a bit, not as bad as them turning my world upside down
brainaches is offline  
post #33 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 05:21 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 118
Re: he says hes lost-help

Quote:
Originally Posted by brainaches View Post
My children won't scare her off, its complicated but she's already met them. I was her friend and our kids played together. Something else that works against me.
Her and her ex broke up in October. They had an on/off relationship for 8 years and have 3 boys under 5. He has 2 children from a previous relationship (too many children involved). I'm wondering how long it is before her and her ex start getting along?!
However, I know she's intimidated by me because when we first met, she kept telling me how amazing I was and how pretty I was. I know that if I go in, they have to play nice because I aren't supposed to know and its going to be hard seeing us all pull together as a family. It will also just make them uncomfortable and spin out a bit, not as bad as them turning my world upside down
So that is a bit more complicated, but I still think that the idea of actually caring for your kids, especially when she already has her own, will make this more likely than not to fizzle. I could be wrong, but that's a lot to take on. It doesn't really matter though because what matters is you and how you move forward.

I'm mixed on the bar idea. In general, I think it can lead to more harm than good to put your kids in a position where they could come across as leverage (especially if they're aware that they're being used somewhat in that way). I grew up in a household like that and still have painful memories of the experiences.

You have a lot of huge decisions to make and I'm hoping you ultimately get what you want.
golfpanther is offline  
 
post #34 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 05:46 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 19
Re: he says hes lost-help

I hope you do too. Its just a struggle when you start over analysing everything and trying to find answers in absolutely everything that happens. I mean, when he picks my kids up and drops them off, he winks at me. Is this just familiarity or is he feeling something. He sent me a text a few days after I kicked him out saying his phone was charging and to ring him if I need him. Could i have reconciled then if i would've just not been angry?
Tomorrow, I start getting it back on track. I get to a lawyer, discuss things. See if I can find a counsellor for my and my DD and get my son booked in with my friend for some holistic therapy as he is suffering and doesn't have good language skills.
After that, I will take it day by day. Ex isn't having the children until a week on Friday so i will decide then what to do. If I'm strong enough to actually go through with it. I am using my children as a way in but I know full well it cannot and will not escalate in front of them and it might push him into making a decision. Every person in the bar likes me (and they don't all like her) so it might make him see it all in a different light. It might not but at least I will be showing him indifference and that I'm moving on and may free me a bit when I see him again (because he isn't looking after himself and she won't look after him, I might look at him and wonder I was fussing so much)

Last edited by brainaches; 01-03-2017 at 10:16 PM.
brainaches is offline  
post #35 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-03-2017, 10:36 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 19
Re: he says hes lost-help

About going to counselling- should I tell my ex I'm going or just do it? And should I tell him about taking DD?
brainaches is offline  
post #36 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 08:06 AM
Member
 
turnera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 35,250
Re: he says hes lost-help

I would tell him, just to let him know it's his fault his DD is having to go.
turnera is offline  
post #37 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-04-2017, 08:29 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 19
Re: he says hes lost-help

Thanks for the advice but i think I'm just going to go for it. From what I've read from other threads, he wont even care if its his fault or not, he will just use it as something to argue about. Nothing will affect him whilst hes in "the fog", he will lay the blame at my door for kicking him out and the realisation wont kick in until the fog lifts. I need to make my children my number 1 priority and if he was bothered about how it affected them, he would've opened up instead of burying his head in an affair
brainaches is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome