Well I finally did it - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-07-2017, 08:55 AM Thread Starter
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Well I finally did it

Started the divorce process for real. Got an aunt who works at the county courthouse helping me with the paperwork. She knows a couple of process servers she is going to talk to about the best way to "catch" him when he's in the States. I'm hoping he'll drop in to his mother's house or his US office while he's in country for the Super Bowl. I doubt he'll miss it he's gone for the past 4 years. Not thinking much past that point right now. At least it's a start.


The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-08-2017, 04:12 PM
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Re: Well I finally did it

I'm very proud of you. And good thinking to catch him during Super Bowl. That will save you a lot of difficulty!

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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 09:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Well I finally did it

Since I haven't hired a lawyer yet and want to
wait as long as I possibly can for financial reasons, can anyone tell me how detailed I should be on the paperwork on the question about why I think I should be given the level of custody I am asking for (100% legal and physical)? I mean, do they want all 13 years of the documentation of when he did and didn't show up for his visitations? Should I stick to just facts or go into my son's feelings about his father after not seeing him for 6 years? Should I talk about why we split up to begin with? Or should I be brief here and save the details for family court?

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 10:07 AM
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Re: Well I finally did it

Judges and court look at the facts. You want to be as factual as possible, and leaving feelings out of this. They are looking at what is in the best interest of the child(ren), and need to look at details.

If it were me, I would stick to timelines, and facts.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 10:10 AM
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Cool Re: Well I finally did it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellomynameis View Post
Since I haven't hired a lawyer yet and want to
wait as long as I possibly can for financial reasons, can anyone tell me how detailed I should be on the paperwork on the question about why I think I should be given the level of custody I am asking for (100% legal and physical)? I mean, do they want all 13 years of the documentation of when he did and didn't show up for his visitations? Should I stick to just facts or go into my son's feelings about his father after not seeing him for 6 years? Should I talk about why we split up to begin with? Or should I be brief here and save the details for family court?
Keep on taking fastidious notes, but wait until you've fully brought a lawyer on board before sharing any of those details!

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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-09-2017, 04:08 PM
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Re: Well I finally did it

Should be more than sufficient to show that he's been out of the country for 4+ years and not called or visited during that time.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellomynameis View Post
Since I haven't hired a lawyer yet and want to
wait as long as I possibly can for financial reasons, can anyone tell me how detailed I should be on the paperwork on the question about why I think I should be given the level of custody I am asking for (100% legal and physical)? I mean, do they want all 13 years of the documentation of when he did and didn't show up for his visitations? Should I stick to just facts or go into my son's feelings about his father after not seeing him for 6 years? Should I talk about why we split up to begin with? Or should I be brief here and save the details for family court?
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 10:06 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Well I finally did it

Paperwork is done! Next step, filing at the county courthouse. That might take a while since I'm currently reliant on others for transportation. My dad is the one who usually helps me out but he can't drive right now either. And my sister is too busy. Oh well, shouldn't realistically be more than 2-3 weeks. I might even wait until I get my income tax refund so I won't have to dip into savings for the various legal fees.

I do feel a little bad though. I found out totally by accident that H IS in the States right now - because his mother is dying. My cousin is a nurse in the nursing home he's put her in, and she recognized him when he visited her Monday. Dropping a court order on him right now seems a little cruel. Apparently his mother only has a few more months to live. She has lung cancer just like FIL weirdly enough although maybe not since they both smoked weed and unfiltered, hand rolled cigarettes.

Pisses me off though. He never left his fathers side when he was dying. Even took 3 months family leave. Now it would appear he is doing the same for his mother. And yet 13 years ago when they thought I was terminally ill and gave me only 6-12 months to live, he said he couldn't afford to miss work, dumped me on my parents, and disappeared.

Sometimes I really wonder if he ever really cared about me at all. I've come to the point where I truly don't believe he did ever love me.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 01-11-2017, 10:24 AM
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Re: Well I finally did it

I would ask your aunt at the courthouse if she has any insight into the best way to handle things. She may have seen a thing or two. And good job!
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 11:50 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Well I finally did it

I guess I'm going to have to get a lawyer whether I want one or not. They were able to serve my husband at his mother's residence and he called me last night and told me he'd see me in court and to be prepared to lose everything that matters to me which tells me he's going to fight for physical custody. I don't know if he can have me declared unfit because I'm physically disabled and almost completely housebound or not. But I'm obviously not going to get the uncontested divorce I was hoping for.

The road goes ever ever on, down from the door where it began... JRR Tolkien
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old Yesterday, 02:36 PM
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Re: Well I finally did it

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hellomynameis View Post
I guess I'm going to have to get a lawyer whether I want one or not. They were able to serve my husband at his mother's residence and he called me last night and told me he'd see me in court and to be prepared to lose everything that matters to me which tells me he's going to fight for physical custody. I don't know if he can have me declared unfit because I'm physically disabled and almost completely housebound or not. But I'm obviously not going to get the uncontested divorce I was hoping for.
Sorry to hear that. Good luck.




Sigh, my wife gives me the speaking treatment.
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