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post #91 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 02:43 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

Don't ask, just move on. She either jumps aboard your train or you leave her at the station.

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post #92 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 03:10 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

It's over, she should have used that inheritance money to help out in your retirement years. Start the 180 immediately and start investigating if there's an OM. Take her off all the credit cards and and get a lawyer and have her served.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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post #93 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 05:32 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

Didn't she already show you her decision instead of saying it?

She bought a new home for herself, she moved out, she furnished it, you have an agreement about taking care of the child and she does not discuss the situation. The only things that are different to being actually divorced is the legal/financial stuff.
Divorced people can have dinner, they can have talks about the kid, they can give each other presents, nothing you have with her "requires" you being married to her. She treats you like a friend not like a significant other. Did you get the ILYBINILWY speech?

She gets upset when she sees consequences (=actual divorce) coming near when you want to talk about the situation or when you are showing her that you are detaching but there does not seem to be any acknowledgment of your struggle with this situation or any attempt on her part of doing something about it albeit claiming to wait for an Eureka-moment (and damage control after being confronted with possible consequences).

Just sounds like she has some serious mental issues, is just done or is involved with someone else. You said money is tight? That's a shame, you would need a PI to investigate her during the time your kid is with you.
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post #94 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 06:00 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

Canada75 - many people are telling you "just to file". Unfortunately you are in Canada and you have to be separated one year before a divorce can be filed.

This is what you need to do. Go see a lawyer and inquire about a separation agreement. Understand what is involved and what it entails. Who pays for what? How are assets divided? What does custody and child support look like? I am not telling you to push a separation agreement on your wife but you do need to have knowledge. If you had a persistent pain for two months, wouldn't you go see a doctor and get a diagnosis? Of course you would. And please understand.... this has nothing to do about loving your wife but it has everything to do with reality.

Canada75 -

Divorce is hard. Reconciliation is harder. But limbo is the hardest. Please do not stay in limbo lest it suck your life from you.
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post #95 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 06:12 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

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Unfortunately you are in Canada and you have to be separated one year before a divorce can be filed.
Then it seems that she started the clock already and there are only about 10 months left. This way her behaviour would make a lot more sense.
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post #96 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 08:37 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

She's not mental or menopausal....


She's selfish.
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post #97 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 03:22 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

I am going to parrot what others have said here: She is fence sitting without giving you the benefit of even stating your case. I believe that you should let her know that you are not prepared to have this situation continue. Consequently, and this should be made plain to her, you are seeing a lawyer about separation leading to divorce. The second consequence is that once you have a legal separation, you are going to start dating. You will have all of your answers fairly quickly after those pronouncements.

I have a client whose wife acted similarly, she was fence sitting, and found it difficult to make decisions. He basically asked if he could start dating again as she did not seem to want to move in one direction or another. That question scared the bejabbers out of her, as she was quite comfortable having him at her convenience, or rather, he was a convenience for her. She did not have to maintain a home or split duties on parenting. He parented on his days and she pretty much let the kid do what he wanted on her days. She went to work and kept her salary, but he was paying for the marital home and all child expenses. She could pass him off as her husband when it suited her, and when it didn't, she basically treated him as an interloper. The threat of a new love replacing her, and the threat that her lifestyle would be that of a broke unmarried middle-aged woman wised her up quickly.
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post #98 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 05:30 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

I want to let her know I want her stuff out of the house and moved into her new place....but I'm scared I suppose. I really think it is a depression/mid life crisis issue and not someone else in the picture. More then anything I would like to try and sort things out but it is/was a totally one sided effort. She can be stubborn and I have a feeling that if she has any doubts about what she has done and any thoughts about perhaps trying again that me asking her to move her stuff out will push her into defense mode and push her even further away then she already is. I don't mind waiting if she at least communicated with me about our relationship....or lack there of.
I'm on the fence.....I may give it some more time and keep it just about our son and hope she has a moment of clarity and wants to work on things. I may not. This sucks.
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post #99 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 06:00 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

It sucks.
You letting her keep you in limboland sux worse.

She bought a house and moved out. What is taking her stuff and giving it to her going to do, make her leave you?
Sorry man, she's already gone.

Good news! Get her shlt out and the next Mrs Canada won't wonder if you're married or have a girlfriend when you invite her over.

You being scared shows you still have hope. Hope in this situation just keeps you stuck in limbo.
If she wants you, she will come get you.
Accept she's gone and move forward. Don't let anyone treat you like you aren't good enough.
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post #100 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 06:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

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It sucks.
You letting her keep you in limboland sux worse.

She bought a house and moved out. What is taking her stuff and giving it to her going to do, make her leave you?
Sorry man, she's already gone.

Good news! Get her shlt out and the next Mrs Canada won't wonder if you're married or have a girlfriend when you invite her over.

You being scared shows you still have hope. Hope in this situation just keeps you stuck in limbo.
If she wants you, she will come get you.
Accept she's gone and move forward. Don't let anyone treat you like you aren't good enough.
Yes I am in limbo and yes I do have hope. I hope she figures out that life without our family together is no way to live. It has been 2 months but during that time I haven't really given her the space she needed. I would text her and email her about what she means to me.I have only shut down contact(unless to do with our son) for a week and a half and think I should continue a bit longer. I have never been told I love you but I'm not in love with you. I have been told, I love you and miss you but I just need some space to be alone. She is in hiding from anything to do with reality, and comes across as very depressed. Just because she moved out doesn't mean it is over, it just means she is confused as she stated and doesn't know what she wants. I figure several months of pain would (if it works out) be worth it to spend the rest of my life with the women I love. Pushing her to make a decision now might spell my doom as she has told me she can't handle anything at the moment.

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post #101 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 07:40 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

I understand, and you are wise to do exactly as YOU think is right.
You know the situation better than I do.
Realize, though, that moving out and buying/furnishing a house and moving in and going no contact with you are totally different things.
Renting isn't permanent, buying is.

She isn't as confused as you think. She bought a house. That's not confusion---- that's goodbye.

What she is doing to you is so cruel, it's a real shame.

I truly hope you are right and she comes back a new person.

I have to ask, have you done any checking whatsoever to make sure you are the only man in her life?

If not, you are sticking your head in the sand. Don't. BE paranoid, just check. You need to have no doubt. The way things are demands doubt from a logical perspective.
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post #102 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 08:07 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

I wouldn't live in limbo too long. You like most are worried that you'll push her away but she's already gone.
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post #103 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 09:42 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

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Originally Posted by Canada75 View Post
Yes I am in limbo and yes I do have hope. I hope she figures out that life without our family together is no way to live. It has been 2 months but during that time I haven't really given her the space she needed. I would text her and email her about what she means to me.I have only shut down contact(unless to do with our son) for a week and a half and think I s1hould continue a bit longer. I have never been told I love you but I'm not in love with you. I have been told, I love you and miss you but I just need some space to be alone. She is in hiding from anything to do with reality, and comes across as very depressed. Just because she moved out doesn't mean it is over, it just means she is confused as she stated and doesn't know what she wants. I figure several months of pain would (if it works out) be worth it to spend the rest of my life with the women I love. Pushing her to make a decision now might spell my doom as she has told me she can't handle anything at the moment.
She is in hiding from your reality, not hers. She isn't confused, you are because your stuck in denial. Your only afraid to push because you'll have the answer you don't want. She has been unwilling to work on the relationship and your aiding that. You need to push and get out of limboland. She is living and learning to live life without you, the months of pain your willing to endure are only making it easier for her to be done.

Your trying to prove you love her yet she has no incentive to change her current situation, so you endure/wait and she goes on with her life. She has the game rigged, you can't and won't win going about it as you have. You must take control of your own life back, start giving her a reason to question her decisions.

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday
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post #104 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 09:49 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

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Originally Posted by Canada75 View Post
Yes I am in limbo and yes I do have hope. I hope she figures out that life without our family together is no way to live. It has been 2 months but during that time I haven't really given her the space she needed. I would text her and email her about what she means to me.I have only shut down contact(unless to do with our son) for a week and a half and think I should continue a bit longer. I have never been told I love you but I'm not in love with you. I have been told, I love you and miss you but I just need some space to be alone. She is in hiding from anything to do with reality, and comes across as very depressed. Just because she moved out doesn't mean it is over, it just means she is confused as she stated and doesn't know what she wants. I figure several months of pain would (if it works out) be worth it to spend the rest of my life with the women I love. Pushing her to make a decision now might spell my doom as she has told me she can't handle anything at the moment.

How long are you willing to live like this?
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post #105 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 10:10 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

Reminds me of the movie "6th sense"......
They only see what they Wanna see....

He sees what he wants to see---
A wife who says she loves and misses him (she misses him????? Wth, she bought a home and moved out!!!)
He believes her because he still loves her and she once loved him... understandable but....

She needs some space and moved out.... yeah, she needs a few miles and locked doors between him and her--- she "loves and MISSES him".
That's freaking cruel as hell of her to say. Obvious manipulation.

Facts: she spent her inferitance on a new home and new furniture--- a new LIFE.

She doesn't communicate with OP at all, except to deal with kids and check to see if he's still on the hook.

It's been over two months.

She is absolutely cut him out of her life and every day that goes by, she's learning to be happy without OP.

I can't tell him what to do. He's the one that has the most info to make the decision.

But if it were me, I'd be planning on a life without her. I'd check on the OM thing-- no husband wants to believe his wife is cheating. That would help him detach if she were.
I'd get a lawyer.
I'd start planning weekends with friends. I'd force myself to meet new people, especially other women.
That way, if she comes back it's a bonus, if she doesn't, he isn't crushed.

In truth, every sign points to her moving on.
Never believe what a wife that's checked out of the marriage says. Believe what they do. It's a lesson I learned the hard way.
What she is doing paints a very clear picture to me.
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