Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?) - Page 8 - Talk About Marriage
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post #106 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 10:20 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

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Everyone told her to just buy it on her own, but she said she wanted my name on it.
This is weird to me. Maybe it is just different languages, but why would people tell her to buy a house without you for herself?

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post #107 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 08:39 AM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

Hi Canada75, now about the house. I can relate since my mother died and left me a large chunk of cash. At the time my then H was going through a downard spiral, wasn't working huge health problems, and I didn't know at the time, but he was cheating left and right (I was pretty dumb). I bought us a house. He could not qualify for the mortgage but I could. So I put the house in both names and only my name was on the note. I wanted him to believe it was our family home. Less than a year later, when I found out what he had been doing, he wanted half the house, or rather he wanted me to give him half the house in cash. Nope. I could trace it back to my separate funds and I didn't lose that. I paid him one-half of the equity that had accumulate in that year. My family was 100% against me putting his name on the deed, but at the time I was trying to support the H. Spouses do that, until..

When someone tells you that don't want you around, believe them.
I'm really sorry you are going through this, it hurts, its confusing. It is not terminal. I encourage you to keep posting and all kinds of people here will help you work through what ever issues arise. You really aren't alone.

In youth it was a way I had, to do my best to please, And change, with every passing lad to suit his theories.
But now I know the things I know, and do the things I do; And if you do not like me so, To hell, my love, with you! --Dorothy Parker
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post #108 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:34 AM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

Go forward with divorce. Separation is just prolonging the inevitable and gives her legal permission to date and fvck around. File for D now, and if down the road she wakes up and decides she wants you and wants to work to save the marriage, you can always have the petition dismissed. But if you don't file for divorce now, and you do find out that she is sleeping around, you will be that much more behind and unable to free yourself from her and move on and heal. And you will wait, and wait, and wait....

You are allowing yourself to slip and slide and wallow in the mudpit. Get out of there.
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post #109 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:36 AM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

Oh that's right...you're in Canada...duh.

Poor bastard. I guess you have to be legally separated for a year before an actual petition can be filed? Dumb law.
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post #110 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:47 AM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

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Yes I am in limbo and yes I do have hope. I hope she figures out that life without our family together is no way to live. It has been 2 months but during that time I haven't really given her the space she needed. I would text her and email her about what she means to me.I have only shut down contact(unless to do with our son) for a week and a half and think I should continue a bit longer. I have never been told I love you but I'm not in love with you. I have been told, I love you and miss you but I just need some space to be alone. She is in hiding from anything to do with reality, and comes across as very depressed. Just because she moved out doesn't mean it is over, it just means she is confused as she stated and doesn't know what she wants. I figure several months of pain would (if it works out) be worth it to spend the rest of my life with the women I love. Pushing her to make a decision now might spell my doom as she has told me she can't handle anything at the moment.
Space to be alone for me means detaching. If one can not find time be alone while living with another I find very concerning. A day away. A few hours away. Not across town in an apartment. We can be sure that being alone with no meaningful contact does not perpetuate a good healthy relationship. It does anything but.

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post #111 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:10 AM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

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Oh that's right...you're in Canada...duh.

Poor bastard. I guess you have to be legally separated for a year before an actual petition can be filed? Dumb law.
Why is it a bad law? Gives the couple an opportunity to cool down, and possibly avoid a divorce due to hasty decisions, but probably more importantly may save on litigation because the couple might have cooled down enough so that they won't be easy bait for unethical greedy attorneys who know how to play their clients against them. The 1 year period may allow for mediation or at least give them an opportunity to work out an amicable settlement that simply needs to be stamped by a judge.

Just because they aren't officially divorce doesn't mean their live has to be on hold, and odds are a person will need a year to process everything before they get back out there and get involved with someone new.

Not seeing a downside. Although I get that in cases where one party is completely at fault, due to cheating, or drug abuse, or criminal behavior, or physical abuse, the other party just wants to get away as fast as they can. But again, putting the divorce off for a year doesn't prevent them from living their own life and making the 1 year law "contingent on circumstances" just makes it complicated because then you'd have to do hearing to determine fault and all of that.
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post #112 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:32 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

I'm surprised no one has brought this up but a really good indicator of what has been going on is your sex life. How has it been in the last few years and why. How often did you have sex in the last few years? Who was the instigator? Has there been any changes in frequency, techniques etc. in the recent times? Has she changed any personal habits, personal grooming, activities, friends, going out, fitness, weight, exercise, weight, phone usage, passwords, Facebook, working late, leaving early etc. Have you checked her phone bill to see if there are numbers that stand out and verified who the numbers belong to?

How do you know she really is depressed? Is t it odd to be depressed but not want to get treatment for getting rid of it?

Btw, depression figures into a great deal of the infidelity threads here? You can consider depression as a huge red flag. If possible put a GPS on her car.

What's the point of waiting on a wife that very well may be playing you while loving on another man/men? If you find out she isn't cheating great. If she is would you still want her,would you want to wait on her to see if she figures out you are better than her lover or he dumps her. I personally would want to get on with my new life rather than waiting around wasting my life away.
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post #113 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:35 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

Btw, did you guys actually discuss dating other people? She said that's the last thing she needs but did she give you the freedom to explore your" options?"
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post #114 of 188 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:41 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

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Btw, did you guys actually discuss dating other people? She said that's the last thing she needs but did she give you the freedom to explore your" options?"
Just a guess here, Chap : She'll want him to stay in limbo, keep dangling on that hook. Right now, he's plan B.

Can't have him finding someone else and filing.

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #115 of 188 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:06 AM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

My guess with his not being on here is that he finally found that there was someone else.

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post #116 of 188 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:28 AM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

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My guess with his not being on here is that he finally found that there was someone else.
If that be the case Canada....that is when you need us the most....you need someone on your side, to help, to listen, to provide you with answer for the next step.
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post #117 of 188 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 06:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

Haven't been on in awhile as nothing really new. As far as I know there is no one else. Came to a head last Saturday with her telling me she doesn't think she will be back. She said she is going through a crisis and can't deal with anything. Has cut her one friend off as she can't deal with her life problems as well. I said you have just locked yourself in this condo and the only person you let in your bubble is our son. She said she knows but is alright with that. I said you keep telling me "I don't think" "I don't Know" "I'm not sure" and said I have been living in limbo for over 2 months and you haven't told me anything. I asked again if she has been seeing anyone or in any kind of relationship and again the answer was no. I pushed a bit more and she said I don't want you to live in limbo. I asked does that mean it is over and she said yes. I got up and said great, thanks for telling me and walked out as she called my name out.
Next day she dropped my son off and I told her we need to get a lawyer to figure our finances out and she already knew of a place that did separation arbitration in town. I said I will pack her stuff up in boxes and she can pick it up. She called my bluff and asked if she could take a few things now....I said no, not now. I went right back in to denial.
Texted her on the Monday and just said hi.
We texted a bit and she finally said I don't really know what to say to you. I love you and like talking to you, but that is all I can seem to handle at the moment That was her smiley face, not mine. Since then, no mention of what went on over the weekend.
Crushed all of Sunday, happy as can be Monday when she told me she loved me....which I knew, but was nice to hear.

I understand what it seems like looking in from the outside, but she is going through a very emotional crisis of some sort and she is the mother of my child. I will wait, and do what it takes to try and make it work. I love her, and if I thought there was someone else I would see a lawyer, but you don't know her and don't see what I do. She is too fuc*ed at the moment to get involved with someone else. That being said, we will see where the next few weeks go and see if she brings up getting her stuff again.
I will keep you updated.
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post #118 of 188 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:30 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

You chase they flee.
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post #119 of 188 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:35 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

Just go no contact as much as possible.

She's still stringing you along although she says you're done.

Was she always this manipulative?

“The time's gone by for sentiment and all that foolery. Mercy's all very well but after all it's justice that clinches the bargain.”


“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
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post #120 of 188 (permalink) Old 02-08-2017, 07:41 PM
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Re: Wife moved out (she needs space but says she loves me?)

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You chase they flee.
Doing the wrong things to get her back will cost him this marriage. Not necessarily a bad thing. She's either mental and won't get help or more likely she has another love and that's even worse. Her emotional outbursts are likely to be guilt. She knows one thing though and she doesn't want you.

Tell your lawyer you want her evaluated before she can be alone with your son. If she's mental she very well could be dangerous. Stop acting like you know her.
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