Originally Posted by feelinglostdivorce View Post
2 years ago my wife told me she wanted a divorce. We have been going in separate directions ever since the birth of our 2nd child 10 years ago. I am the major breadwinner in the family but have been more family oriented - wanting to spend time together as a family.
My wife has been more career oriented as she's older (over 50) and wants to spend evenings and weekends working on making a mark in her business and the community. Part of that has been that she is building a business 4 hours away on weekends in her family home area.
As she supported the kids and allowed me to develop my career while they were younger, I have made sacrifices to take care of the kids and the household while she is doing that in the hopes of mending our marriage over the last 2 years and keeping it together.
2 years ago we did try counseling but it didn't work nor is my wife interested in spending any more money on counseling.
Unfortunately the separation and the bridge between us has been too great and she is now firm in wanting a divorce which she told me after the holidays.
This has depressed me to no end and I am really struggling with it.
Its hard to eat, to sleep and my work has suffered from the thought of the dissolution of my marriage. Like most men, I don't have a huge support network like my wife does and all of our friends are for the most part shared (my best friend is her brother in law as an example)
Suggestions on where to go from here.
Lastly, she is wanting to buy a rental property. We have the money and I would be on the title jointly but I am not sure its the right thing to do - to spend cash before a divorce.
Thanks in advance for any guidance or support.
As someone who was in your shoes around 4 months ago, I can definitely relate.
As cliche as it sounds, just focus on yourself. I've been more social these past 4 months than at any other point in my life. Go out with what friends you do have, lean on family if you can and try to meet more people. Go out and explore a new place, jog, hike, play a sport or whatever hobbies you have that you maybe didn't get the time to explore before. Or, take up a new one that you've always wanted.
It took me about a month to get back to a somewhat normal eating, sleeping and work routine. If you feel comfortable, I'd recommend telling your boss about what's going on as soon as you can. Even if you feel like they aren't someone who would give a damn, you'll probably be surprised by the amount of compassion you'll get with this situation. It's best to be honest about why your work may be suffering rather than letting your boss wonder.
I would nix any idea of buying property. It would just add complications to the divorce process and, as others have stated, this is a time to separate everything, not build new connections.
It's going to suck really badly for a while. I'm only just now getting somewhat okay with what's happened to my marriage, but I'm light years away from where I was the first couple of months. Hang in there.