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Old 12-16-2011, 07:18 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stuck alone and miserable in in wife's city with 3 kids?

@ elegirl

I agree. That's what i've been told by my family/relatives. That would in the best interests of everyone involved. I need to ensure that my kids see the happy and healthy father that they deserve. Although it sucks that it limits my time with them, I need to ensure that there will still be constant communication with them physically and emotionally.
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:09 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stuck alone and miserable in in wife's city with 3 kids?

I'm sorry; this is a tough situation. Have you consulted a medical professional about your depression? Don't wait; just talking to someone and bringing them up to speed on your situation will make further intervention--if needed, down the road--easier.

It strikes me that you haven't said anything about understanding how unhappy she must have felt in your city, once you began to experience similar feelings in her city. Sounds like both of you have trouble feeling empathy--something you could work on (and maybe if you mentioned that to her, she'd be willing, too. If not, you can still help yourself).

If she is not working, then try to make custody arrangements that allow you to see the children in your city more than 4 times a year. You don't say how far it is--but anything less than about a 4 hour drive will likely be considered reasonable for 1-2 days each weekend. It cannot go on forever b/c they'll start to have their own lives and interests, but esp. for the youngest 2, it will help build a bond with you that distance, in the school years, can't undo.
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Old 12-16-2011, 09:38 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stuck alone and miserable in in wife's city with 3 kids?

@sisters359
I've spoken to a doctor about the depression a couple of times already and plan on speaking with a counsellor about my 'new' situation.

Reason i didn't bring anything about her being unhappy in my city is because i never asked her to move to my city in the first place. I met her after she was already living in my city for 5 months for school and work. All i knew is that while we were dating, she mentioned that she never planned on moving back to her hometown and that her move was for good. I didnt' even sense any issues after living happily 8 years together at that time and than BAM! She decides that she wants to move back (and take the kids with her) after this one summer visit to her hometown while she was on mat leave. Imagine if you were in my position just to be given a shocking ultimatum. (Some other posters have suggested maybe she met an old flame during that visit but hasn't been proven).

I definitely plan to make custody arrangements that allows myself to see the children at least 5 times a year (with each visit lasting at least 3 days to 3 weeks or more during summer). I think i mentioned in one of my earlier replies that distance is a 2 hr flight (25 hr drive). In addition to the physical visits, I would want to throw (near) daily skype chats and phone conversations. I know my wife would be understanding for everyone's best interests. She has nothing on me as i haven't cheated and have proven time again of the sacrifices that i made for the marriage/children. Ultimately i am hoping for the best that the stbxw reconsiders and that we try to be one happy family unit again. It hurts to be so physically close to her but yet so far. I know we have hurt each other so many times but the love is still there from my end. I've tried pleading and she has shut the door on every possibility/solutions (at this time anyways as I don't know if she'll ever change her mind).

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Old 12-16-2011, 11:11 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stuck alone and miserable in in wife's city with 3 kids?

Dre. I was there myself. I met my wife while traveling and settled down in her state for her. After awhile, I just wasn't happy there. I enjoyed our friends, the area, and everything, but I couldn't find a good job and I missed all my family and friends I grew up with. Now the difference with us is, we didn't have kids, so much easier for me then you. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I feel you. I know what your going through, at least partially, and wish you the best of luck.
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Old 12-18-2011, 08:35 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stuck alone and miserable in in wife's city with 3 kids?

Dre...

I am so sorry. I know this feeling of wanting to get as far away from your estranged spouse as possible. I am going through that with my husband too. Thankfully,I do have a lot of friends here. ...but it is so hard. My husband was my very best friend, and I no longer have that. I am now trying to work on strengthening my friendships. I am opening up to my friends more. ..and I am being honest with my feelings.

I have also gotten back to volunteering with my local animal shelter. I used to volunteer a lot of my time to this charity. It makes me feel good to be "of use" again. I spent most of my marriage taking care of my husband, dogs, and child.

For me, forcing myself to get out there, socialize, and help others has really helped me...a lot. It has helped me to not feel so stuck in this town--and it has helped me to forget that I have no control over my life right now. The more I reach out to people, the more supported I feel.

...but, I know how you feel. My family is the most important thing in my life. I moved 16 hours away from them to start a new life with my husband --my best friend--. Unfortunately, he has rejected me. Time to pick on the pieces, and figure out what I want my future to look like.
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Old 12-19-2011, 10:07 AM   #21 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stuck alone and miserable in in wife's city with 3 kids?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
I agree that you moving back to where you came from is probably the best choice for you. You can still spend a lot of time with your children.
+1 , I totally agree. You need to get back where you can start to heal and move forward.
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Old 12-21-2011, 07:31 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Default Re: Stuck alone and miserable in in wife's city with 3 kids?

Quote:
I agree that you moving back to where you came from is probably the best choice for you. You can still spend a lot of time with your children.
I've been home for a week now, and all my friends here have reached out to me and even introduced me to new friends. I hate to sound cheesy but, There's no place like home.
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Old 12-21-2011, 06:34 PM   #23 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Geeky_Guy View Post
I've been home for a week now, and all my friends here have reached out to me and even introduced me to new friends. I hate to sound cheesy but, There's no place like home.
Good for you GG. I'm riding this out until the end of my work contract (another 2 months). It's hard to be separated while living in the same house which will soon be put on sale. I want to be close to her and hopefully reconcile but all I see is a shell of herself, very emotionally distant and cold towards me. It's actually reversing my decision on wanting to reconcile with her due to how mean-spirited, cold she's being. I've been taking some days off hoping we can do things together but she chooses to stay at her parents all day (she's on her holiday break already).

I can't wait to be around some emotional support throughout this whole ordeal. To this day, with all her friends/family (the only people i know in this town), not one has reached out to me to see if I'm okay or ask how I'm doing. It just re-affirms what i've been saying all along to her when i disagreed with this forceful re-location in the first place. It sucks but i'm just keeping my head up.

Last edited by dredredre1; 12-21-2011 at 06:35 PM. Reason: added text
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