The short story is that my wife and I have been physically separated for 7 months now. I live outside the home and we share custody of my 7 year old daughter. There was cheating on her part and we did do counseling for 9-10 visits. She just could not make up her mind on whether our marriage was worth saving. In the last couple of weeks I finally just could not take the fence sitting and cake-eating and lost my temper on her. I think that triggered something in her and she reconnected with her AP and just yesterday announced that we should divorce. We have been married 10 years.
I agreed that we should, but I'm still a little bit sad at giving up on a perfectly reparable marriage. She doesn't see it that simply. She also has had breast cancer, a mastectomy, hysterectomy, lost her job, and a history of childhood emotional abuse. She was also abandoned at birth (adoption). I think it was more of a combination of these issues that has lead to her decision. I'm not taking it personally but it sucks.
We will meet today to see if we see eye to eye on what is "fair" in our split. I already know that this will not go well. While she agrees that we need 50/50 custody, she does not interpret that as my daughter sleeps at my place 3.5 days a week and 3.5 days at her home. She interprets that as she can spend 2 nights with me and then maybe a little extra day time with Dad. She feels that daughter needs a "home base" and that it would be a hardship on her to have a 3-3-5-5 or 2-2-3-3 type of schedule. This total BS and I am going to get true 50/50 custody.
Another big issue that will come up is our current home. She makes more money than I and made the down-payment on our home. The title is in her name, but I have been making my share of the mortgage payments for 2.5 years. She feels that the house is "hers" and will not agree to share the equity of the home. She wants to keep our home. The house is too big and she does not do a good job at maintaining it. I am no lawyer but I need to consult with one (here in California) to see whether she could actually be the owner of this property. I don't know. I want half of the equity.
She wants to do the divorce easily and through mediation. I suspect that a lot of these stumbling blocks will eventually lead to lawyers. I hate fighting with my wife, but she is also a very alpha female, Dutch and a fighter. This could get ugly. I'm going to just listen to her wish list today and state mine. I will not fight or argue but take in her words and process it for a couple of days. Then, I will have a consult with a lawyer and probably move towards mediation. Child custody is priority #1. She will not budge on my getting Sun and Thur for the time being.
Does this seem fair? Is anything ever fair? Does this process have to happen quickly?