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Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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  • 2 Post By Evinrude58
  • 1 Post By Davidmidwest
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 09:38 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 91

No money, I just have a part-time job, but I have interviewed more this week than I did in the last six months. I must be doing something right. I pray I get an offer. Here is the story. Please read and then give me advise from the below. We both were too stupid to come to agreements and compromise. I kept the good fight to ear money, and provide. When money comes first to pay bills and survive and no money to create memories with loving moments over a decade, and with maybe talking in hints and to the point that just pissed the person off, we just quit and developed contempt for each other.

I am getting divorced because she said I took $2000.00 joint funds without consulting her reserved to spend at her discretion and got tired of me earning $70K one year then $40K the next, She makes $26K - $30K consistently. My career tanked four times, and I got depressed once, We used the other $2K to a month prior, but three weeks ago I used the rest to pay our three over due car payments- one hers and two mine, credit card bill, and my medical bill. I chose this sneak attack to pay the bills, although it puts me in a better position. All this was done before her thinking of divorcing me That was her last straw. another two reasons: she took a hand out from her son and brother of which I got pissed about and she refused to return the money, and didn't buy je a Christmas present, and I felt ashamed for asking for a little romance to build up for sex, than the usual, "want to do it-five minutes-Done! Those were my deal breakers, besides her not wanting to cut cable and the cell bill expense for a few months so we can not be late with payments. She always refused for years to cut back, Her 30 year old son and his shack up not paying rent while living with us, and finally, her and her son's hording junk laying around the house. GOD, I can't take it anymore. I had made the decision when she did, but she said it first.

HOw do I,

1. Keep calm while I get employed? by living with her son and her that I can't stand. I am being nice. I just don't like it, I am treated with digs, and she and her son put key locks on the rooms they sleep in.

2.Do I mention to her son to stay neutral or stay out of our divorce matters or should I just keep my mouth shut? Her son and his shack up girl friend are her support group, they haven't treated me bad yet, but their disdain shows. They whisper, connive, and plan with my wife and I can't have a conversation with my soon to be ex-wife unless her 28 year live in son is present.

3. How to have family members on her side keep out or not take sides. Is it even reasonable to request they but out or stay neutral. Or am I just wasting my breath.

I am being very grateful that I am not getting kicked out. I am being very agreeable so I don't get kicked out and become homeless. I am behaving to the point of being a wus since I have my bed and lichen privileges, and given time to prepare my move. I can stay as long as she don't think I will over react.

4. Is this o.k. to let the stress and her actions role over my shoulders, It's the situation and we are both too close to it to really, really have a calm thought process about it? I should just chill and work on the goals: get along, get a job, get money, and move to an apartment. By the way I am not a deadbeat, I did have a career, wasn't good at it, got depressed, and we both had financial issues we tried to solve together. Well I think I am in her eyes. i have worked 2.5 years part-time every weekend, and I have bouts on unemployment every 1.5 yeas that last 3-6 months. I really want a job with job security, badly.

She is a real unfriendly person towards me. I mean we had ten years together, and I am being treated worse than a person who beats up pets. I never done anything violent or passive agressive in my life.

5.Do I stay and save up $1500.00 to get an apartment

6. Do I sell my inherited bedroom set, a grandfather clock and two bookcases,
and my wedding ring? I believe I can get $1500.00 at the lowest $1200 for all. Not sure what I would get for a 18 carrot gold ring with three diamonds in it. I paid $600 for

7. How do I keep it together? We really didn't do anything wrong, we just didn't water the flowers of growth toward each other, we just wilted without seeking advice from the Gardner/counseling. This will be my third divorce, my wife;s fourth and I wish ten years of being together would mean something to be very civil and earn some respect, agreeableness, and have the status of a friend or a real good acquaintance status. But not, it is like this every time, "I hate you and i am positioning myself to get the most out of you, and good riddance- and I really wish you would take a leap off the highest skyscraper without a parachute."

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 09:48 AM
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,864
Re: Help:

Get a job, get a place to stay as soon as possible.
You can enjoy watching her take care of her deadbeat son and his wife and see how long that lasts.

You can't change a woman's mind. They have to change it themselves.

You not having a steady job will be a problem for any woman. Gotta fix that.

Don't know how to tell you to handle the wife other than continue showing no emotion and file for divorce as soon as possible. Having her 28 year old son and his wife live with you was a huge mistake. Don't know why you ever allowed that. Don't know why you've done a lot of what you describe. You should have multiple part-time jobs if that's all you could find.
Get employed and stop worrying about your marriage. It has been toast for a long time.
Evinrude58 is offline  
post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 09:53 AM
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 127
Re: Help:


Nice piece of work, THESE !

Once you get a full time job, move out. Or get a job, six counties away. Why do you need to be in the same town? The same town with these clowns?

Have a plan. Get it written down with timelines. The start point is when you get full time work.

Me? I would get a job far away from this crowd of losers.
ulyssesheart is offline  
post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 11:14 AM
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Mars - arent all men?
Posts: 536
Re: Help:

Ugh, really sh1tty situation man. Im sorry! endure until you can get out. I say endure because if she can kick you out legally then you really cant rock the boat. Be scarce. get out more, even if its long long walks. just get out!

yes let everything roll off your shoulder. Like everything. None of it matters anymore. what she says doesn't matter anymore.

If i were you. Yes i would sell that stuff for money yesterday. Cash is king and in this scenario cash is the only thing that gets you out of there. If theres any money in the acct's half is yours.. remember that.

Get your job and GTFO. Dont look will be better off. keep your eye on the prize which in your case is some freaking FREEDOM.
Grapes is offline  
post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 11:34 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 91
Re: Help:

Thanks Even, for the good vote of guy support for me to get rolling. I am. I have two interviews on Monday and I am going to get one. One is sales rep for a healthcare facility and the other is for HR with the V.A.
I am going to get that sales job. I already have a p/t job on Saturday and Sunday. I will fit another evening one in three weeks after my boot comes off my almost healed broken foot.. Yeah! Baby.. I will be rock-ing soon.
Davidmidwest is offline  
post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 11:37 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 91
Re: Help:

Wow, If I plan right, now reason I can't move far away. Thanks, I never thought of that. It wil be six towns away 25 milles away. Down the road maybe I can get out of Illinois. We lost almost a million people over a few years. Thanks
Davidmidwest is offline  
post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 01-20-2017, 11:47 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 91
Re: Help:

Thanks for the advice. I got pictures of what I am going to sell. I will put them on-line to advertise. I did my prelim taxes tonight and I will file since I will get $1,500 back. If I am lucky to get $1500 for selling a bit of furniture. I will be able to get an apartment. Man- things are looking up. I have two interviews on Monday, 1/23/17. Wish me luck
Davidmidwest is offline  
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