No money, I just have a part-time job, but I have interviewed more this week than I did in the last six months. I must be doing something right. I pray I get an offer. Here is the story. Please read and then give me advise from the below. We both were too stupid to come to agreements and compromise. I kept the good fight to ear money, and provide. When money comes first to pay bills and survive and no money to create memories with loving moments over a decade, and with maybe talking in hints and to the point that just pissed the person off, we just quit and developed contempt for each other.
I am getting divorced because she said I took $2000.00 joint funds without consulting her reserved to spend at her discretion and got tired of me earning $70K one year then $40K the next, She makes $26K - $30K consistently. My career tanked four times, and I got depressed once, We used the other $2K to a month prior, but three weeks ago I used the rest to pay our three over due car payments- one hers and two mine, credit card bill, and my medical bill. I chose this sneak attack to pay the bills, although it puts me in a better position. All this was done before her thinking of divorcing me That was her last straw. another two reasons: she took a hand out from her son and brother of which I got pissed about and she refused to return the money, and didn't buy je a Christmas present, and I felt ashamed for asking for a little romance to build up for sex, than the usual, "want to do it-five minutes-Done! Those were my deal breakers, besides her not wanting to cut cable and the cell bill expense for a few months so we can not be late with payments. She always refused for years to cut back, Her 30 year old son and his shack up not paying rent while living with us, and finally, her and her son's hording junk laying around the house. GOD, I can't take it anymore. I had made the decision when she did, but she said it first.
HOw do I,
1. Keep calm while I get employed? by living with her son and her that I can't stand. I am being nice. I just don't like it, I am treated with digs, and she and her son put key locks on the rooms they sleep in.
2.Do I mention to her son to stay neutral or stay out of our divorce matters or should I just keep my mouth shut? Her son and his shack up girl friend are her support group, they haven't treated me bad yet, but their disdain shows. They whisper, connive, and plan with my wife and I can't have a conversation with my soon to be ex-wife unless her 28 year live in son is present.
3. How to have family members on her side keep out or not take sides. Is it even reasonable to request they but out or stay neutral. Or am I just wasting my breath.
I am being very grateful that I am not getting kicked out. I am being very agreeable so I don't get kicked out and become homeless. I am behaving to the point of being a wus since I have my bed and lichen privileges, and given time to prepare my move. I can stay as long as she don't think I will over react.
4. Is this o.k. to let the stress and her actions role over my shoulders, It's the situation and we are both too close to it to really, really have a calm thought process about it? I should just chill and work on the goals: get along, get a job, get money, and move to an apartment. By the way I am not a deadbeat, I did have a career, wasn't good at it, got depressed, and we both had financial issues we tried to solve together. Well I think I am in her eyes. i have worked 2.5 years part-time every weekend, and I have bouts on unemployment every 1.5 yeas that last 3-6 months. I really want a job with job security, badly.
She is a real unfriendly person towards me. I mean we had ten years together, and I am being treated worse than a person who beats up pets. I never done anything violent or passive agressive in my life.
5.Do I stay and save up $1500.00 to get an apartment
6. Do I sell my inherited bedroom set, a grandfather clock and two bookcases,
and my wedding ring? I believe I can get $1500.00 at the lowest $1200 for all. Not sure what I would get for a 18 carrot gold ring with three diamonds in it. I paid $600 for
7. How do I keep it together? We really didn't do anything wrong, we just didn't water the flowers of growth toward each other, we just wilted without seeking advice from the Gardner/counseling. This will be my third divorce, my wife;s fourth and I wish ten years of being together would mean something to be very civil and earn some respect, agreeableness, and have the status of a friend or a real good acquaintance status. But not, it is like this every time, "I hate you and i am positioning myself to get the most out of you, and good riddance- and I really wish you would take a leap off the highest skyscraper without a parachute."