STBWX shows up at 3am; Hammered... Mistake 4 days Later?

paperclip · 12-14-2011, 10:28 PM

Did I make a huge mistake?

Quick back story... Me and my STBXW have been separated since 08/2010 (living apart and divorce will be final in January as we waited for the tax break since we owe back taxes) She's been with the same OM since the day I left her! I didn't know much about their relationship or anything except that OM, his mother, and sister have all watched our daughter while shes at work/school.

Anyways, She hasn't really called and txt'd me much in the last 16 months. She has maybe had two occasions where shes called me upset or crying that she missed some part of me. (i always thought it was just because her and her boyfriend had a fight)

Anyways I was at my apartment this weekend and our daughter was already in bed for the night when i received a text message at 12:09 am from the STBXW and it said "Paperclip..." Called twice at 12:13 am and I ignored them as I have already had a converstion with her that shes to leave a msg if its important and wants a call back. I went to bed around 12:45 after watching How I met your mother on netflix!

At 2:49 am, I am awaken to the Buzzer from the front door going off. And The STBXW is calling me. She asks to let her in and I comply as I wanted to make sure she was Okay.

When she gets inside I totally notice shes hammered, can barley walk and she tells me that OM has hit her ( I guess this isnt exactly what happened) and that shes sorry for everything shes done to me. I tell her that this means nothing because even thou you came here because you're mad at your boyfriend you guys will just make up in 2 days and everything will be back to the way it was....

She asked to be held which i did hug her for a few minutes and we did kiss but she was hammered and it didnt feel right... so i put her to bed on the couch and told her to go to bed. She ended up waking up at 6am and left so our daughter wouldn't wake up and be confused that mommy was at daddies house.

The whole time she was here i told her that she should tell her mother that she was here. She told me that shes not telling anyone and she didnt wanna deal with it... It was a mistake. Anyways to make a long story short, I told her that she either tells her bf where she went on saturday night after their fight. Or I will......

She ended up calling her bf and i guess he hung up on her and isnt speaking to her.... And his mother will not be watching our daughter tomorrow so she can take her finals...

Now the million dollar question... Did i make a huge mistake by bringing this out in the open???? Should I have just kept this to myself? Does this help me STBXW grow as a person?

ishe? · 12-15-2011, 05:12 AM

I think you did the right thing. Why should you keep a secret for her?
At least you know she's not off having a great relationship with her OM ... she came to you for comfort and sex because they had a fight and you did the right thing in not giving into her.

Sounds like shes not very happy in her life right now ... but shes not your problem any more

YinPrincess · 12-15-2011, 05:38 AM

I would wonder whether it was really retaliation - but I can't say I wouldn't have done the same thing. Seems like she was seeking comfort, made a mistake, etc. HOWEVER, I would be concerned that she said her bf hit her - and also watches your daughter. I would hate to think that she's being exposed to violence, directly or indirectly. This warrants a little investigating, IMO.

Just a little confused as to why you'd say it wasn't exactly what happened...
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Shaggy · 12-15-2011, 08:25 AM

You did the right thing. Why should you cover for her ? Especially with the guy who was part of the ending of your marriage?
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Walt · 12-15-2011, 01:39 PM

I disagree - what she did was her business, not yours.

You shouldn't get involved - you weren't covering for her. You were pushing her to confess something for nothing.

You're better off keeping out of the mess.

hurtingsobad · 12-15-2011, 03:49 PM

I'm with Walt....she made her bed, now sleep in it.

I probably would've called the cops on her.....well, maybe not....lol

You were compassionate to her plight, and that is great! But I would've been strong pressed to offer a kiss for sure.

aug · 12-17-2011, 10:13 AM

You did the right thing. You kept everything above board and transparent. You made sure that people who are concerned about her knew where she was and weren't worried.