Is this really my life? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 11:07 PM Thread Starter
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Is this really my life?

Never thought this would be me, but here I am. I've been separated since last April, but thought we were working on the relationship. So much has happened over the year. 2 main points being he talked for years behind my back about leaving me and hating me...to my children, from a very young age and my mom. She thought he was just b*tching, but he threatened the kids not to say anything to me. 2nd point...I found out he has been "talking" to another woman on the side. A woman who was supposed to be a "family" friend. Been in my home, around my kids... He's told me everything is my fault. I wasn't meeting his needs. I asked him, begged him to remove the woman from our lives, he says I'm trying to control him by asking him to do that and thinks I should want to meet his needs now more than ever. I'm called filthy names, my children have had extremely physical altercations with him. Both kids have begged me to not let him back in the house.

So...all that said to get to today. Last Friday was my breaking point. He started screaming at me, calling me filthy names all because I asked again for him to remove the woman. (He was in the city where she lives, 400 miles from where we live, but he hadn't even told her he was there....yeah, right.) He threatened that we were over, he was locking me out of the bank account, etc. Well, I finally found the guts to open a bank account. I know, it sounds silly, but it was HUGE for me. Now today, my son...who has never had much of a relationship with his father, told me to find someone new, not to let him be around...says to me he wants to live with his dad if he ever gets a place. (He's currently living in a 5th wheel) I'm heartbroken. Crushed. I feel like his father is trying to turn him against me. I feel like he's doing anything to just ruin me. I don't know if I can take this latest blow.

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 11:15 PM
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Re: Is this really my life?

Sorry you're here.

Get a lawyer. Have him served.

Keep your support network close.

Holes burn deep in your chest,
Raked by machine gun fire.
Screaming soul sent out to die,
Living mandatory suicide.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 11:37 PM
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Re: Is this really my life?

I'm sorry this is happening. Definitely get a lawyer. Your children sound old enough to make a choice (even if they have been brainwashed). Get yourself a therapist to emotionally and mentally support you. Start saving some of that money into your account. The woman is apparently the other woman, so it seems your husband would prefer to have that relationship with her. I feel like with the way it is all described to let it all go. I dont want you to suffer any more and I would rather you have a clean cut break even though starting over is hard.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-24-2017, 11:48 PM
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How old are your children? Are you in a good place financially? He's living in a 5th wheel, so you guys are separate, correct? Why do you still have a joint bank account?

Okay sister...time to take back your power. Let him go. People on here talk about a 180...read up on it and live it. Take the focus off him and onto yourself. Begin today...right now. Let him have the other woman. It sounds like your life has been on "pause " for 8 months. ..time to start living again!!

Did your son say why he wanted to live with dad?
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 12:13 AM
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Re: Is this really my life?

Time to move on. Face it. Move on. It WILL get better. I do want to say not to talk bad about him to the children. That's just my opinion but I've heard it many times and believe it. Will only make them want to defend him.
Hang in there. Just take baby steps forward each day. Get into a new hobby. Stay busy. Eat healthy food and get rest. Just keep moving.
You will be ok.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 12:37 AM
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Re: Is this really my life?

The 180 - Read this a few times, implement it, bookmark it and read it whenever you need. I like to read it before I interact with my STBXW.
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