Re: Family fell apart, but no end to drama in sight
I thought I was getting over it but I was wrong. Crazy happened again. It always does in this family and I always feel responsible. Just before a week long visit with my children, I hear from the social workers. My daughter is in deeper trouble. She is getting into seriously bad stuff on the internet. She ran out of the house and the police had to track her down. Same stuff as before I left, but worse. The daughter now has another serious county services report on her. It's all proving that I'm right about everything, but it doesn't make me feel good. Concerns for the children always rope me back into everything with my wife emotionally. I could let it all go if it wasn't for them.
They are here with me now and I feel a little better, but they will have to go back to that hell hole next week. I know things are probably progressing toward me getting custody and my wife being exposed as the narcissistic sociopath that she is, but that is going to take time. Divorcing her will take time and money, and getting those kids will too. It will also take tremendous emotional energy. Every week I see new and different twists on the dysfunction. Every week I have to see her to transfer custody, I get acute physical anxiety symptoms, not just a racing heartbeat, but intense sore throats, coughing, headaches, and skin rashes.
RtZ-As far as the question of liking myself. Yes, I do, but you have no idea of the levels of trauma that have been inflicted on me by trying to stay with this woman for the sake of my children. If I didn't have any self respect at all I would still be there, because I would have put up with it all silently. I did have many moments when I confronted her and stood up for myself, but this was met not with respect, but with cowardly acts of aggression on her part (spurious calls to police, an attempt to have me put in a psychiatric hospital, and eventually the restraining order). This was a problem I could do nothing to solve or prevent. She is pathological. Its as simple as that. Chaos and emotional destruction follow her at every turn. I just didn't recognize it until it was too late. The crazy stuff started when the youngest was 2 years old and had been progressing in the 8 years since, until it really exploded in the last year. I'm living with the constant fear that my daughter will turn up missing or dead because she also can't take living in that house, but has no choice. That is the crux of my pain. No amount of self-empowerment or improvement can change that.