Re: Family fell apart, but no end to drama in sight
Denial is the name of the game! The financial action I took a few weeks ago really pushed a button, and I think the crap is hitting the fan. She has not responded to two letters from my lawyer during that time requesting that the mortgage, car payment, and a couple of other joint bills be forwarded to me so I can pay them from my own account. It is more than the recommended spousal and child support. It's now close to the first of the month and I have no idea what she is doing with the bills. I had my mail forwarded, but I'm not sure if everything will reach me, especially if both of our names are on it. Some of it may be paperless too. I have no idea. She just doesn't want to face this. It's unbelievable. I think ignoring letters from my lawyer about this might get her in some hot water legally.
She also learned about the divorce filing. She hasn't quite been served, but it is imminent and her lawyer spilled the beans (my lawyer told me). I've had two phone calls with the kids since then. She answered both times. I can tell she wants to talk to me but can't bring herself to do it. The first time she sighed and with a real kind voice said "high there, how ya doin" the second time she just sounded really sad. I stayed strong and just asked to speak to the kids. This time I can't be the one to reach out to her as it always has been in the past. If she wants to speak, she has to go to the court and remove that protective order, I just won't do it under this duress.
She is still going out almost every night. The kids tell me so. At least there grandmother is watching them now, or at least I'm being told that. The denial is really, really deep. Any rational person in her position would be having the mother of all garage sales, renting a dumpster, and doing everything else you'd need to get out of that house. Perhaps her parents have told her they are going to buy it for her, who knows.
One of three things is going to happen. 1) She plays hardball in the divorce, thinking she'll be able to get more out of me because of the "abuse", 2) She takes advantage of the 2 year delay period possible in my state, or 3) she finds a reason to try to reconcile with me. I honestly don't know which of the three it will be. Maybe it will wind up being #2. #1 isn't going to happen, because I've been a model citizen with respect to the PFA, while she's shown herself on multiple occasions as trying to bait me to break it. I also have several counselors and social workers who have told me they would testify if needed on my behalf that I am not an "abuser". #3 will not work either, because I've had it and I'm not going back. My list of demands for that would be so stringent that she could never bring herself to comply. They would be that the home is sold and our debts are paid with the equity, and we never buy a house again. She would have to get a real job outside of the home. She would also have to undergo rigorous psychiatric evaluation and take the advice of the professionals involved. Our finances would also stay separated indefinitely. (There's more, that's just the beginning). So anyway, she'll probably just choose the route that allows her to deny and procrastinate.