Re: Family fell apart, but no end to drama in sight
honcho- With regards to the hoarding, it's hard to say. I haven't seen the inside of the house for months now, so I really don't know if she's been good or bad about that lately. She can be functional with that when she wants to be, but usually at least a few rooms are pretty bad. Especially the kitchen and dining room. Might be good to ask the social workers how that is right now,
The house and property has a lot of storage space, which is full of tons and tons of useless stuff. I also had a lot of tools from all the work I did in the house. That's one of the real ironies here. I pretty much rebuilt that house and she has appropriated it for herself. It really was a shameless move and its hard to imagine that she can't have some guilt about it.
Anyway, because the hoarding is one of her key issues, my plan is to do absolutely nothing about cleaning out the house. I already have my necessities, and that is it. She can deal with all the rest of it. She can have a giant garage sale, box it up, throw it all out, whatever. I know as a hoarder she will hate doing all of those things herself, but she will have to. Every time we moved in the past I did 99% of the work. Not this time. I also don't want to suffer the indignity of having law enforcement trail me around while I retrieve my things. It isn't worth it to me. Knowing she has to deal with it is worth more than the combined value of all that stuff.
So that further explains why I was so happy about the talk of selling the house. The issue really is important for accountability sake. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but she had friend who did the same PFA thing to her husband. She managed to find a new guy and keep the house and all, despite similarly having almost no income. I think that my ex developed a delusion that she was living the same life as her friend and could pull off the same thing. Of course there are many differences in the situation that my irrational ex would never see. First, he actually really was pretty controlling and abusive unlike me (this friend actually confided to me that she told my ex to stop comparing the situations). Secondly, their house was nearly paid off and they had additional financial assets. We have about enough equity to pay our credit cards off. Also this woman was close to 30 while my wife is 45 and well past her prime. There are of course also the severe behavior problems with the children. It's all a big delusion.