my story - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-25-2017, 11:15 PM Thread Starter
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my story

ok so this is my story, most will think im a horrible person. I fell in love with a girl when I was 18 we dated for almost a year and when her parents found out they forbid her from seeing me and had a restraining order against me. I was a few years older than her nothing sexual ever happened between us, anyways she ends up moving away to another state and we keep in contact over the years, I still had my feelings for her, anyways one day she sends me a message telling me that shes getting married but that she will always love me. I tell her that im happy for her even though im not, i wanted to stop her but i figured if she was ready to marry someone, who was i to stop her ruin something good she had.

i had been dating this girl who would become my wife one day and she was always ok to be around, never fireworks but i was comfortable around her, never really happy though, i guess i settled thinking that i would never be able to have those kinds of feelings again. As the years go on we have this fight every few months were she says she knows im not happy and there must be someone else, we were never really intimate and i dont like her touching me for the most part, and i tried telling her how i really felt but the words just wouldnt come out, i didnt want to hurt her and i felt obligated to stay with her and her child.

anyways a few years have gone by still with the same arguments only now we have a child between us as well, and its really been like i have just been going along trying to make her happy by being more intimate with her and having more sex but it still doesnt make me happy. then a few months ago the girlfriend from years ago tells me that shes getting divorced and i tell her shes going to find someone that will make her happy and love her and her kids. a few more months go by and we talk some more and i just end up telling her everything how much i still love her and i regret not stopping her and she tells me the same. i end up leaving my wife and moving in with family because there is still the house and everything else to take care of before i would be able to move to where she is, i was ready to leave behind everything to have that happiness i have always wanted. well that didnt work out after a month she tells me she just doesn't feel the same way about me as i feel for her.

that was 6 months ago and i am still living apart from my family but i dont want to give up on finding that happiness, i love my child but is it so wrong to want to have that? my wife is a good woman, shes what a lot of men would like but i want more than to just feel like im living with a roommate who im just trying to make happy when im not, i know marriage is about sacrifice but it should also bring yourself happiness. i have been seeing a therapist and they think im just finally doing something for myself and that i shouldn't feel bad, my wife still wants to work on things thinking that it can be greater that ever but i just dont see how, when i never have been really happy.

i feel guilty but i still dont want to go back, when i told my wife all these things it was like i giant weight had been lifted

so that is my story

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 12:00 AM
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Re: my story

If you are that unhappy in your marriage, then divorce your wife and co-parent your child. It's cruel to stay with your wife since you really do not love her in the way that a husband should. So let her free to find someone else. And then you can find someone else.

You have already left her. Just see a lawyer and do the legal stuff.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 12:53 AM
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Re: my story

Hi.

If I were you I would start legal proceedings and finally end the marriage once and for all. Yes, you deserve happiness but so does your wife, by you stringing her along in a marriage that your heart was not in was incredibly unfair, she's been robbed of years of her life when she could of married someone who truly loved her.

You're doing the right thing now by being straight with your wife, it's hard but you have to be strong and make sure you don't go back just for the child because in the long run it's not fair on anyone.

I hope you find happiness but more importantly I hope your wife isn't too emotionally scarred and can move on with her life.


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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 01:51 AM
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Re: my story

One way to look at this is that perhaps the girl you were hung up on wasn't all she was cracked up to be, especially considering that she eventually pulled away from you. Are your feelings for her were really a reflection of a strong sense of love and not just a nostalgia for your youth? Your wife seems like a good woman. While it isn't fair to string her along if you really don't love her, I would take a deep look at why you think you don't. Are other parts of your life negative now, leading you to look backward in time for happiness? Only you know the answers to those questions. I'd just encourage you to look forward in all aspects of your life.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 07:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: my story

I know that the girlfriend wasnt perfect by any means she had her issues and and I have always blamed myself for not being there to protect her when a lot of the bad things in life happend to her. I never felt like I had to hide my true self from her, could act the same way around her as my friends and it's just not the same with my wife, have always tried to be someone I'm not around her. I'm not a religious person at all but I agreed to go to church with her and raise our kids in that manner. I know my wife and family want to blame this all on my ex but I have been thinking of leaving the past few years and this was just the final push, it's like I needed a real reason to leave instead of just not being in love, I know couples have ups and downs but when there is never an up it's really hard. I want to have a really good open communicant within a relationship but I have never felt comfortable telling my wife how I really feel about anything. I know what I have done is wrong and I feel terrible. I think it's also the same reason I don't have a good relationship with my step child have always kept her at arms length, I think it's because deep down I knew that I would always end up leaving. It's been hard it's a 9 year relationship 4 married
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 09:53 AM
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Re: my story

Dude there's nothing wrong with leaving a bad marriage, over 50% of us do it at one time or another.

Just be fair to your soon to be exwife and stay involved in your child's life.

Don't get married again - EVER - because marriage is a complete shame and destined for failure more often than not.

Don't jump right in with the old girlfriend, take it slow and realize that she might not be the same person you remember her to be, and neither are you.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:23 AM Thread Starter
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Re: my story

I know that things will never work out between me and the ex girlfriend but I do want to find love, I really would like to get married again someday for the right reasons not just because I don't want to be alone.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 12:53 PM
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Re: my story

Quote:
Originally Posted by tony1986 View Post
I really would like to get married again someday for the right reasons not just because I don't want to be alone.
You can be in a relationship without being married and being married doesn't guarantee you won't be alone again someday.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 01:06 PM
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Re: my story

Quote:
Originally Posted by browser View Post
You can be in a relationship without being married and being married doesn't guarantee you won't be alone again someday.
Isn't that the truth! I found out the hard way.

"I've paid double for every transgression I've ever made and that motel and that boat are little to ask for"
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