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post #16 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 07:14 PM
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Re: Help help help

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I know for sure she is not having any affair
No you don't.

It's all just an illusion you have talked yourself into because it's easier than dealing with the truth.

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post #17 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 12:48 AM Thread Starter
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Help help help

[quote=Spicy;17259538]If you are already past the point of separation and parenting plans, you are pretty far into this process.



If your goal is to R (Reconcile) I would absolutely accept her invite to dinner. I would also follow her lead and do dinner at your house on


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Last edited by alex_grant; 02-23-2017 at 03:07 AM.
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post #18 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 01:22 AM
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Re: Help help help

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Hi Spicy, Thank you for your advice! I think it's such an awesome advice. I'm supposed to have the dinner with her and the kids tomorrow, but this morning when I woke up she has sent about 5 messages that she wants me, she really sill love me and she wants my love. And then she has written a list of the things she wants me to change. She wants me to stop lying to her, accept all her friends, stop playing poker, and show her some love. In the message she wrote she wants me badly and love me. Now I'm confused and even don't know what to reply. Spicy are you able to help me with some advice ? Thank you


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Why didn't you accept her friends?

Again what exactly did you lie about? It's fishy that you won't tell us.
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post #19 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 01:28 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Help help help

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Why didn't you accept her friends?



Again what exactly did you lie about? It's fishy that you won't tell us.


I lied about playing poker


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post #20 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 01:30 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Help help help

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I lied about playing poker


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I just didn't like most of her friends because they were all divorced.


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post #21 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 01:49 AM
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Re: Help help help

Sounds like plan A didn't work out.
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post #22 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 02:36 AM
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Re: Help help help

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Hi Spicy, Thank you for your advice! I think it's such an awesome advice. I'm supposed to have the dinner with her and the kids tomorrow, but this morning when I woke up she has sent about 5 messages that she wants me, she really sill love me and she wants my love. And then she has written a list of the things she wants me to change. She wants me to stop lying to her, accept all her friends, stop playing poker, and show her some love. In the message she wrote she wants me badly and love me. Now I'm confused and even don't know what to reply. Spicy are you able to help me with some advice ? Thank you. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
You are very welcome! It sounds like abscence has made her heart grow fonder of you. So this is very good news. Do you feel like you can change those things on the list? If you can make them happen and you are certian, then I would respond with a "Baby, I'm more than happy to work on improving myself as a husband, because you deserve the best, and that is what I am wanting to give you." Then add, "I greatly appreciate this chance to make things right between us!" Then you slowly reconcile.

Ciao,

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post #23 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 03:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Help help help

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You are very welcome! It sounds like abscence has made her heart grow fonder of you. So this is very good news. Do you feel like you can change those things on the list? If you can make them happen and you are certian, then I would respond with a "Baby, I'm more than happy to work on improving myself as a husband, because you deserve the best, and that is what I am wanting to give you." Then add, "I greatly appreciate this chance to make things right between us!" Then you slowly reconcile.


Thank you so much for all your time and advice. You are awesome.


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post #24 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-28-2017, 10:54 AM
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Re: Help help help

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I just didn't like most of her friends because they were all divorced.
You wouldn't like me then.
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post #25 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 12:40 PM
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Re: Help help help

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You wouldn't like me then.
Or the rest of us for that matter.


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Your marriage reminds me of a guy dragging a dead whale across the beach.
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post #26 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 01:46 PM
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Re: Help help help

The only thing from her list I would suggest Alex is in the part of accepting all her friends...I would table that a conversation where you can discuss friends who are male and friends who may impact the marriage.
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post #27 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-29-2017, 04:21 PM
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Re: Help help help

What is wrong about playing poker? Where and who are you playing with? I don't play, see little value in it but so what if other do? But, poker involves exchange of money, sometimes large amounts. Friends who are divorced I can undertand. I know how other's issuess can slowly poison the people they are friends with relationships.

So can you provide more detail on both subjects?

Oh, plan a might have fizzered out, but just as likely her actions are a form of electric shock therapy.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #28 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 01:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Help help help

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If you are already past the point of separation and parenting plans, you are pretty far into this process.



If your goal is to R (Reconcile) I would absolutely accept her invite to dinner. I would also follow her lead and do dinner at your house on the flip side of the kid trade off.



Also, perhaps plan some great dates to ask her out on. Bring her flowers when you go to dinner at her place. I'm not taking expensive long stem roses every time, but just a beautiful bunch of flowers from somewhere like Trader Joe's or Costco near you. Do all you can to win her back, and hear what she said made her feel the way she does, and make those adjustments.



I hope you will be able to repair what is wrong, and reunite as a family again!


Hi Spicy, I had an awesome dinner with her and our kids together. I came with flower and she was so excited about it. I was calm and she actually started telling me about why she took that decision, I understood her! She felt that I didn't love her and did not care about her. And she said that she can feel that she is finding her love for me again. She said to me Alex I really love you and she wants us to fix this marriage. We had a great time and I left looking happy and she was also happy. When delivering our kids to her place I forgot some few things so she passed by the following morning to pick them and I asked she wanted to eat breakfast with me? She yes why not she will love to. We had a nice breakfast together. When I had to see her off she hugged me strongly and looked into my eyes and said Alex I really love you and we should do all we can to fix everything. We kissed on the lips and left happily. We never argue or fight. We are both calm and the kids are just happy.


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post #29 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 03:54 PM
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Re: Help help help

I am so thrilled for you, your wife and your kids sweetheart! What wonderful steps are being made! Thanks for coming back and telling us! Good job hubby! Keep listening to her, remember to be genuine, and little things like a flower or a card, or a simple thing such as her favorite candy just lets her know you are thinking about her. When you reunite, saying "baby, I'm gonna do the dinner dishes tonight, you go watch your favorite show." We tend to start to take each other for granted. Life with small kids isn't easy. So the little things you can do for each other to show your care and affection go a long way. Keep up the good work! Love and peace be with you all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by alex_grant View Post
Hi Spicy, I had an awesome dinner with her and our kids together. I came with flower and she was so excited about it. I was calm and she actually started telling me about why she took that decision, I understood her! She felt that I didn't love her and did not care about her. And she said that she can feel that she is finding her love for me again. She said to me Alex I really love you and she wants us to fix this marriage. We had a great time and I left looking happy and she was also happy. When delivering our kids to her place I forgot some few things so she passed by the following morning to pick them and I asked she wanted to eat breakfast with me? She yes why not she will love to. We had a nice breakfast together. When I had to see her off she hugged me strongly and looked into my eyes and said Alex I really love you and we should do all we can to fix everything. We kissed on the lips and left happily. We never argue or fight. We are both calm and the kids are just happy.


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Ciao,

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post #30 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-30-2017, 04:14 PM
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Re: Help help help

If this was her version of a sh!t test, it worked for her. You passed. You passed the Bar [the door] Exam.

Wish you the best.

This....This is the nub of the stick that pokes me in the eye when the light of day energizes my optic nerve....SunCMars.... The Allegory of the Cave--> On this, I did a '180' and stepped out.

The Lion in Winter. Invictus..By Will, Shall... Saved from harm by my friends.
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