Help help help - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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post #31 of 37 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 03:31 PM
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Re: Help help help

gotta be honest here - I didn't expect this kind of change so quickly. I mean 5 days from first post like 2 days from dinner and her mind is completely changed. Somthin's up...



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post #32 of 37 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 03:53 PM
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Re: Help help help

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We had a nice breakfast together. When I had to see her off she hugged me strongly and looked into my eyes and said Alex I really love you and we should do all we can to fix everything. We kissed on the lips and left happily. We never argue or fight. We are both calm and the kids are just happy.
At this point, instead of asking for advice, you should be giving advice.
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post #33 of 37 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 04:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Help help help

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gotta be honest here - I didn't expect this kind of change so quickly. I mean 5 days from first post like 2 days from dinner and her mind is completely changed. Somthin's up...





She is ready and want to fix the marriage. Before she was cold.


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post #34 of 37 (permalink) Old 02-01-2017, 05:14 PM
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Re: Help help help

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She is ready and want to fix the marriage. Before she was cold.


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I get it man. Im happy for you! I'm just very surprised how quickly her tune changed... it wasn't just a little change either.. it was a complete 180 in like 2 days. something else could be up.. be it depression, some other life factor or like others said another dude.

Dont be surprised if the flip flopping continues and she goes cold again. infact, if she 180's (360 now or 1080?) you again something is definitely up. call it a hunch but i think your ride has just started. onward and upward my friend!
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post #35 of 37 (permalink) Old 02-02-2017, 10:36 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Help help help

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I get it man. Im happy for you! I'm just very surprised how quickly her tune changed... it wasn't just a little change either.. it was a complete 180 in like 2 days. something else could be up.. be it depression, some other life factor or like others said another dude.



Dont be surprised if the flip flopping continues and she goes cold again. infact, if she 180's (360 now or 1080?) you again something is definitely up. call it a hunch but i think your ride has just started. onward and upward my friend!


I understand you but in this process men often think about ourselves wanting things to be quick. For the women and their emotional feelings it can take a long time. There are different feelings almost everyday, both negative and positive. We the men should not pressure at all. In my situation she has no man behind, she wants to work it out with me. She says she doesn't want anyone she wants me, she says she loves me and want to develope her love for me again. We have kids together and she knows I love her and it's my fault all this has happened. She has lost the love for me and I totally understand her. The love can't rise up like that . I have to do feel attracted to her again and we are still working on. We are actually doing good and hopefully all will be well.


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post #36 of 37 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 08:31 PM
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Re: Help help help

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I understand you but in this process men often think about ourselves wanting things to be quick. For the women and their emotional feelings it can take a long time. There are different feelings almost everyday, both negative and positive. We the men should not pressure at all. In my situation she has no man behind, she wants to work it out with me. She says she doesn't want anyone she wants me, she says she loves me and want to develope her love for me again. We have kids together and she knows I love her and it's my fault all this has happened. She has lost the love for me and I totally understand her. The love can't rise up like that . I have to do feel attracted to her again and we are still working on. We are actually doing good and hopefully all will be well.


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While this certainly sounds like great news for you and your family, I have to agree with others that this is bizarre. However, I noticed in your original post that you didn't mention how long the two of you had been separated prior to the dinner invitation. Was it weeks? Months? You indicated that you two had agreed on a six month period to figure things out but a lot of advice on here would depend on how long the separation lasted.

I hate to say it but I tend to agree with others that have said another man is involved and when it went sour with him she came back. That could be way off base but given the amount of stories you see on here where it turns out to be true it's impossible to ignore the possibility. Now, if you're at a place where that doesn't matter to you either way then Godspeed. But if it would change your mind to know she had an affair then you probably want to ask her point blank if there was someone else.

With the gambling, how much are we talking? Are you still doing it now and are you in a place that you can be honest about it with her? I sense that there is more to this than is being conveyed because unless you were an addict and losing most of your funds it doesn't seem like enough for her to leave.

Did you mistreat her? Did she mistreat you? All I can say right now is be careful. As others stated, she's likely to flip-flop some more in the coming weeks to months.
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post #37 of 37 (permalink) Old 02-06-2017, 08:54 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Help help help

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While this certainly sounds like great news for you and your family, I have to agree with others that this is bizarre. However, I noticed in your original post that you didn't mention how long the two of you had been separated prior to the dinner invitation. Was it weeks? Months? You indicated that you two had agreed on a six month period to figure things out but a lot of advice on here would depend on how long the separation lasted.



I hate to say it but I tend to agree with others that have said another man is involved and when it went sour with him she came back. That could be way off base but given the amount of stories you see on here where it turns out to be true it's impossible to ignore the possibility. Now, if you're at a place where that doesn't matter to you either way then Godspeed. But if it would change your mind to know she had an affair then you probably want to ask her point blank if there was someone else.



With the gambling, how much are we talking? Are you still doing it now and are you in a place that you can be honest about it with her? I sense that there is more to this than is being conveyed because unless you were an addict and losing most of your funds it doesn't seem like enough for her to leave.



Did you mistreat her? Did she mistreat you? All I can say right now is be careful. As others stated, she's likely to flip-flop some more in the coming weeks to months.

Hi Golfpanther, I took her for granted! I don't play poker anymore. She can see a huge change in me, she said and I have actually becoming better myself which I glad for. We have been separated for 3 weeks now. We invite each other for dinner every Sunday evening when we deliver our kids. Communication is awesome we never get annoyed with each other. She has calmed down and has come so much closer to me than even a week ago. The feeling at moment for me it's like having a new girlfriend living afar. She sends me lovely text messages in the morning and also when I'm at job. We kiss which I couldn't before. We hold and touch each other but haven't had sex yet. She said we should get a counselor to help us through this process which I think it's a good idea. She tells me she really want to work on our marriage to function. I have given her time to be herself to think and deal with the process she is going through which helps her a lot. I'm also dealing with my own process which I need also time to fix them. But all in all we will soon come back. We have even planned to celebrate Valentine's Day together.


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