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post #1 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:30 PM Thread Starter
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post #2 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:41 PM
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Re: Help help help

Have you checked the phone bill to see if there is an unusual number being texted or called?

The I love you but not in love with you speech is usually indicative of an affair. Separation is the logical next cheating step in order to give the cheater space to explore the new partner with unlimited freedom.

Did she offer marriage counseling? What are her issues with you? Has your sex left Ge changed in the last few years? Particularly lately?
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post #3 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:50 PM Thread Starter
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post #4 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:51 PM
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Re: Help help help

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Originally Posted by alex_grant View Post
Hi everyone, my wife and I have 2 boys 10 and 12. We just separated which might lead to divorce. We have six months thinking time if we can change our minds.
We have an awesome communication, we don't fight og exchange words. we are just calm couple.
I have the kids every other week, and it's the first time I have had the kids. She wrote to me a couple of days ago that she would like that I stay for dinner, we eat together when Im delivering the kids at her place. I'm confused if I should accept it the offer or not. I really need your help. She left because she felt I have taken her for granted. Every time I ask her to come back she tells she would like to but she can't decide that right now. She keep saying I have no love for you and she is hoping with time it will come. She tells me she not going in for another man and that is not why she is leaving. She says I should trust her that she is not going in for another man but she need time to heal and hope that after the healing she will start loving me. I really need your advice what to do. Should I accept the dinner offer ? Thank you
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If you want to save your marriage then yes I would accept her dinner invite and invite her to things yourself. Is sounds like she wants to love you, so that is a good sign. The fact that you two get along is also a good sign, it makes the most sense for her to stay married to the father of her children. But if she is conflict avoidant, getting along calmly may also mean she has just been giving you your way on things and not speaking up for herself, and now she feels used and abused.

I'd read the book His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley right away since she feels taken for granted. There is some great stuff here by the same author: Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice.

Her saying you should just trust her though - that is ridiculous and unrealistic. Wanting to physically separate often is the sign of an affair, or the desire to have one.

What does she need to "heal" from? Also, did she explain what she means when she says you have taken her for granted?
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post #5 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:56 PM
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Re: Help help help

So you know she isn't having an affair because she said so ? But she had an affair just before she dumped you and moved out?
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post #6 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 10:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Help help help

I know for sure she is not having any affair . Really sure!


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post #7 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:01 PM
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Re: Help help help

If you are already past the point of separation and parenting plans, you are pretty far into this process.

If your goal is to R (Reconcile) I would absolutely accept her invite to dinner. I would also follow her lead and do dinner at your house on the flip side of the kid trade off.

Also, perhaps plan some great dates to ask her out on. Bring her flowers when you go to dinner at her place. I'm not taking expensive long stem roses every time, but just a beautiful bunch of flowers from somewhere like Trader Joe's or Costco near you. Do all you can to win her back, and hear what she said made her feel the way she does, and make those adjustments.

I hope you will be able to repair what is wrong, and reunite as a family again!

Ciao,

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post #8 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:04 PM
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Re: Help help help

But she already had an affair once. So she has the affair but you are the bad guy, what did you do exactly?
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post #9 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:04 PM Thread Starter
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Yes


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post #10 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Help help help

I have lied to her and she doesn't trust me anymore. I haven't showed any love to her. She thinks


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post #11 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:18 PM
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Re: Help help help

Quote:
Originally Posted by alex_grant View Post
Yes she thought I have lied so much to her and doesn't trust me any more. Besides I have not showed any love to her .


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Have you stopped lying?
Are you able to?

Are you capable of showing love to her?
What adjustments have you made to become a better husband should she opt to give you another chance?

Ciao,

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post #12 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:21 PM Thread Starter
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I


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post #13 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-26-2017, 11:43 PM
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Re: Help help help

I merge your 2 threads. Only one thread per topic please.
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post #14 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 12:09 AM
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Re: Help help help

What did you lie about?
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post #15 of 37 (permalink) Old 01-27-2017, 12:36 AM
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Re: Help help help

What about another women....
My cousins wife was cheating on him with there sons mom ! No one saw this coming or even fathomed it. Now there separated. Look into it.
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