My husband just said hes never coming home to this home!
Here never wants to come home to our marital residence. He says there are too many bad memories attached to this home.
So hes only coming home to pack all the stuff and put it in storage.
I've been working so hard on convincing him to come home and I'm so tired of liivng alone and raising our children alone. Of sleeping alone. My husband and I are very much closer like a new relationship, but he says there are too many bad memories here.
He says his parents house is his home.
He said this all pretty fast so I don't know what it all means.
It seems he does not want to live together again until he gets laid off from work (jan to March) and has to travel to another job in another state.
So from what hes saying I may have to wait until April before I can have my husband back, have family dinners, have our schedule back, watch TV at night with someone special that I love. Raising our kids alone, with no one coming through that door at 6pm every night, giivng me a hello kiss and a whats for dinner question.
Re: My husband just said hes never coming home to this home!
We own this house and he will probably stay at his parents house until he gets laid off and move out of state.
He won't even spend the night here at our family home. Tonihgt is the first I have heard of this. He does come over to viist me nad the kids some nights after work, but he does not stay very long. He has long long hours anyway though. He gets up at 4am and gets home to our house at 6pm or to his parents house where he stays at 7-8pm
He says there are too many bad memories in this house.
Tonight I told him how I missed him, missed kissing him, missed making love to him...that I could look at our wedding pictures and feel desire for him, that I could look at certain places in our house and remmeber us together.
He said all this talk is depressing him.
He says he misses all the things I was saying I missed, like homemade dinner together, coming home to me, coming home to our kids, watching our shows together
but right now he is saying he does not want to come to this home
Re: My husband just said hes never coming home to this home!
So does he want you and the kids to move with him to his parent's home? Have you asked him that?
I don't think it's the home. He wants out of your marriage. He is abandoning his responsibilities as a husband and father.
Is he helping you pay the bills?
Do you work outside the home?
Where does he spend his weekend and time off? Is it possible that he is having an affair? How sure are you that he is staying at his parents every night?
I think it might be wise for you to see an attorney. If not for a divorce then for a legal separation which will establish his need to help pay the bills, give child support, property distribution, etc. That way you have a way to establish your rights in the situation.
When and if he is ready to act like a married man again, the legal separation can be cancelled. It might also wake him up to what he is really doing.
Re: My husband just said hes never coming home to this home!
he recently admitted to an affair. I'm not sure how long it went on for, but I don't think it really matters to focus on the details.
Both his parents know of his affair and they were shocked and his mom really didn't beleive it, but finally beleived it when I told her what the girl messaged me.
Our house does have a lot of bad memories in it for him. He must remember all the bad times, but there was so much stress to contribute to those bad times.
His parents say he is home at a decent hour every night. I know his work schedule to a T and he texts me in the morning before he starts work, at break and at lunch. If he takes his last break he texts then too. he texts when he gets off work, then on his drive home he calls me. Every day is the same routine, with no break. He is often on the phone with me when he gets to his paretns house and I can hear him open the door nad I can hear his parents say HI.
Then when he gets settled he texts me from where he stays in the basement and asks me what I want to talk about.
He does pay for all the bills and he comes to see the kids. If I need something fixed he will say he will do it and he does do it. (he did not do this while we were activly married)
He is very very afraid of my parents coming into the picture again and I'm not sure if that might be another reason he is uncomfortable here at our home. My parents treat me like I'm 5 and him like he can do no right ever. Its not that My H is isolating me from my partsnlet me assure you. There is many secrets coming out about my parents that have to do with controlling me. So I don't want them in my life.
I don't think he wants me to move in with him and his parents. he is not mommya nd daddy bound.
He said he wants to wait to move back in together when we can move out of town or state. I'm not sure how set he is on this because he seems to change his mind from day to day sometimes. Hes always been this way. He was asking me just saturday morning when I wanted him to move back in. Now today this is new that he does not want to move back in.
Re: My husband just said hes never coming home to this home!
We have MC session on the 23rd. I really can't wait. I hope our counselor can convince him to move back in to the family home. He is also afraid that all our old habits will start again.
Re: My husband just said hes never coming home to this home!
The house has bad memories for him? How about for you? So he basically leaves his children?
Why not suggest to him that as long as he is out of the house you both behave as though you are truely separated. He can have the kids so many days a week. He HAS to come get them and take care of them. This gives you some time to yourself.
Since he's out of the house you also need to start looking for work or to get some kind of skill.. that means work or school or both for you. So he has more kid responsibilities.
I think you need to do this because right now he has dumped all the responsibility on you. Until he is ready to act and live like he's married you really have no choice but to believe he will not be back.
And the more he has to be responsible in his life, the more likely he will see how valuable you are to him.. in the way of love and in the way of caring for your children.
Re: My husband just said hes never coming home to this home!
We are truly seperated and have been since the end of August. He lives at his parents and he gets the kids every other weekend. He pays all the bills here at home.
I can't work outside the house. I have a permanent injury and 3 children at home. I have not worked outside the house since I was laid off in 2003 with a permanent injury. I got a settlement from teh company for that, but long gone by now. Not enough of a disability rating to get much of any disability payment at all.
I have 3 children at home all with special needs. So at home is where I need to be. Its not worth it to go work at walmart or any other retailer all hours of the day/night paying a babysitter my whole pay.
I know my husband is afraid of the same old stuff happening again, but hes not even giving our marriage a chance even though he says he wants to give 110% if I will. His fears are disabling him. My husband has always been like this about certain fears, but now this one is coming back home for good. He wants to wait until we can move out of state.
I just can not live like this anymore!!!!
WE have a MC appt on the 23rd and I hope we can get somewhere.
I need help with our children!!! I am starting to break!!! Every single one of our kids has autism & ADHD, so that means constant fits, screaming and weird behaviors, sometimes at all hours of the day. They don't eat regular food becasue of sensory issues, so we can't eat as a family. PLus I can't even cook a meal because there is no one available to help with the care of the kids while I cook. So only microwave it is.
I just can't live on microwave meals anymore!!! I'm starting to really lose weight because of all this stress!! With autistic kids you are stuck at home, so there is no going out to eat if you don't have help.
I have recently told my husband that I just can't live this way anymore!!!
Re: My husband just said hes never coming home to this home!
I have not been able to tell his parents yet that he said he didn't want to come home to this home. He only started saying this last night, so perhaps its anohter irrational thought because he is letting his thoughts and fears control him.
I've only this morning told him that I really can't live this way anymore.
I think hes afraid that if he lives here my parents are going to decide to come over. My dad is an A*S who really thinks he is right about everything and he will get his way no matter what!! My dad knows how to push my husbands buttons and I'm sure my husband is afraid of going to jail. My dad has broken into our home 2 times to try to control me. Once when I was not home to try to prove that I just was not safe with my husband and once when I was home and I told my parents not to come. I was having a hard time and was talking over text and they said we are coming over. I said no I don't want you to come over, don't come over. 20 minutes later my dad used the garage keypad to enter our house and demanded questions from me. I had to stay totally queit so he would finally leave.
So I think this is the main reason my husband has all of a sudden said he does not want to move into this home.
I guess I really need to be able to talk more to him about what the real reason (beyond too many bad memories) is why he does not want to live at this house. If it is my parents I need to reassure him that if my dad pulls this again, the police will be called.
We tried to change the code on the garage door opener, but it won't work and we are not putting money into this house for a new key pad since we are giving up the house.
Re: My husband just said hes never coming home to this home!
I just feel like he is playing games(being abusive), trying to break you. He wants to save the marriage but he has all of these hoops and hurdles and he is constantly moving things around..and changing the rules.
He is blaming your parents for his behavior and choices....past and present, even though you have shunned them out of your life...even now when you probably need them the most because he is being a horse's ass.
I recently picked up this book from my local library...I am half way through the book and my stbxh has been described on every page.....
I was very protective of my stbxh for years even though he was proud and somewhat open about his abusive behavior to me, friends and family ....one day a switch flipped the light went on and I realized I was being abused. It was hard to admit...hard to fully accept....and that was with him telling me throughout the marriage that he was controlling. He told me that "our marriage wasn't worth saving unless he could inflict pain" ...yet still doesn't consider himself an abuser.
Can you qualify for respite care for the kids..so you can get out of the house to regroup for a few hours? He's out of the house...I would apply for all the assistance available...see if there is a program that is designed to get homemakers back to work...subsidized child care, job training, school....I know it's hard, your children's autism/ADHD make you situation even more difficult. But it is always going to be something. My youngest started school that same day I started looking for a job...my husband brought home 2 puppies the next day...and two cats....knowing he was traveling for work 4 days a week...knowing I would be overwhelmed and give up my 'unnecessary' search for a job.
I don't mean to pick on you...I see your posts and I see a lot of myself and my situation and reg flags are going up....
Re: My husband just said hes never coming home to this home!
You should tell his parents that he does not plan to move home and the reasons he gives. If they do not know about the affair tell them that as well.
I would think that his parents would step up and tell him that he has no choice but to move back home and start being a married man.
One sense I am getting is that your husband might be overwhelmed by the issues with our children. Having several special needs children would put a huge strain on any marriage. It's not fair for him to dump the major responsibility of the children on you. Is there any way that you can find help with your children? Are there any organizations out there that could give both of you some relief?
My husband just said hes never coming home to this home! 
