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post #16 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 07:26 PM
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Re: This is crazy

By the way. When you go see another attorney, you probably should not tell them what your current attorney is saying. Just any attorney that you interview how they would handle those topics and what they believe the law/courts stand on the topics.

If they ask why you want to leave your current attorney, just say that the attorney was only one you asked for some advise that attorney was not handling your entire divorce.


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post #17 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 07:30 PM
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Re: This is crazy

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Originally Posted by holdmyground View Post
It has been 4 months and he has not gotten his 401k statements in, or his credit report. Is this acceptable? No one seems to care.
Of course it's not acceptable. Did your attorney send him a letter asking for the documents and he ignored it?

If you cannot get it from your, your attorney (the new one who will fight for you) can subpoena the documents directly from the instituion.

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post #18 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 07:30 PM
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Re: This is crazy

Are you getting any interim spousal support?

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post #19 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 09:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This is crazy

I just read that on FindLaw this afternoon. It did not directly address the name needing to be on the deed for the house and I am learning that I have to find out EXACTLY. Commingling taught me the lesson. I had thought that if any commingling took place the whole account was considered CP. Not so.

Thank you so much for your help.
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post #20 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 09:15 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This is crazy

Not a cent. I am living off savings and SS. I think because I had some savings no one thought it was necessary. I am watching the savings I worked so hard to accumulate go up in smoke on bills and legal fees.

I am the only one doing any forensic work. The woman I hired is a CDFP (Certified Divorce Financial Planner) and she can't even do a simple excel calculation. I am digging through statements and making connections and telling her what's what.
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post #21 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 09:29 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This is crazy

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Of course it's not acceptable. Did your attorney send him a letter asking for the documents and he ignored it?

If you cannot get it from your, your attorney (the new one who will fight for you) can subpoena the documents directly from the instituion.
No, he doesn;t know I have an attorney because he'd be furious. I feel like I did everything wrong by trying to do the right things. I should have openly used an attorney from the start. Then I kept hoping things would get better. Then the CDFP gave me a prelim look at her proposed settlement and it looked really good. A fair split. Then in the prelim meeting she took it all away. My soon to be ex was delighted. She told him what a sweet spot he was in. Why would she do this??

He has been asked many times by me and by the CDFP when I push her to bug him. There are so many excuses....the bank can't find the statements, the bank sent the statements to the wrong address, the bank was closed, the bank told him he had to call a different department, the statements do not go back that far, he's been sick, he was busy at work, he doesn't understand what he needs to do, etc, etc....
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post #22 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 10:02 PM
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Re: This is crazy

Were the people you have recommended by your H by any chance. Get rid of them and get a cut throat lawyer asap!
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post #23 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 10:37 PM
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Re: This is crazy

Clearly you need to get interim spousal support.

Did you sign a quit claim deed or a disclaimer deed on the house at any time?

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post #24 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 12:19 AM
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Re: This is crazy

Along with the good advice from @EleGirl, here's mine: stop being afraid of your husband. This is your life and you're within your right to have your fair share. He has no qualms about looking out for his own self interests. I suggest that you try to adopt the same attitude. No amount of good advice here is going to change your situation on its own. Only your actions will. I say this not to sting but because I once avoided things when I was worried about upsetting my ex H. I was always walking on eggshells. I was young and afraid and had no one to advise me. I know better now than to let fear hold me in cement. Right now you need to be your own best friend.

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post #25 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 09:14 AM Thread Starter
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Re: This is crazy

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Along with the good advice from @EleGirl, here's mine: stop being afraid of your husband. This is your life and you're within your right to have your fair share. He has no qualms about looking out for his own self interests. I suggest that you try to adopt the same attitude. No amount of good advice here is going to change your situation on its own. Only your actions will. I say this not to sting but because I once avoided things when I was worried about upsetting my ex H. I was always walking on eggshells. I was young and afraid and had no one to advise me. I know better now than to let fear hold me in cement. Right now you need to be your own best friend.
I totally get this and you are right and I think about this.....BUT I think that the bottom line is that he has set things up so that he is almost totally protected. I have no fair share. Almost every community property asset turns out to be his. I am just now learning the full extent. So, in a community property state, if the husband can prove sole and separate, he gets it. As it stands now he will walk away with several million and I'll get maybe a hundred thousand. I do have my before marriage house and a decent IRA but that may impact spousal support.

This is what is freaking me out. I see now how he has planned this from the start. He stopped contributing to his IRA, he put only his name on house deeds (3 houses), he is claiming his trust fund went into his brokerage account and although some community money was also deposited, the vast portion is alleged to be sole and separate. And that impacts other assets, making them sole and separate.

If the husband has done this, will the courts follow the letter of the law and leave him with almost everything?

There is still his 401k, which he has not given statements for. And he has given no proof that the trust fund was what went into the brokerage account. But that money was deposited 2 years after we got married so I do not see how it will end up community.

What we are talking about is a large estate that has been carefully planned so the husband keeps it all. And I am 63, haven't worked in 18 years (at his request) and living on SS. So, maybe my lawyer isn't fighting for me to get more because there isn't more for me to get. What can a new lawyer do?

And I've been walking on eggshells.

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post #26 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 04:05 PM
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Re: This is crazy

Has an actual divorce petition been filed with the court yet?

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post #27 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 05:42 PM
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Re: This is crazy

Stop paying for that lady immediately. Not one cent more. Instead, look up reviews for a forensic accountant and pay HIM instead. Hire him to research ALL your husband's money and provide proof to you of how it got set up, WHEN it got set up, where it is, and how to access it. THAT is what you will turn in to your lawyer and the judge. Proof that he purposely siphoned money away from you. Judges don't like that. This will be money well spent, I can almost guarantee you, if you're talking about a difference between $100,000 and millions. If he has earned those millions while married to you, are ARE entitled to t, even if he's used legal means to deny you access.

Did you read VeryHurt's thread yet? You really need to.
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post #28 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 06:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This is crazy

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Has an actual divorce petition been filed with the court yet?
No. Not yet.
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post #29 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 06:26 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This is crazy

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Stop paying for that lady immediately. Not one cent more. Instead, look up reviews for a forensic accountant and pay HIM instead. Hire him to research ALL your husband's money and provide proof to you of how it got set up, WHEN it got set up, where it is, and how to access it. THAT is what you will turn in to your lawyer and the judge. Proof that he purposely siphoned money away from you. Judges don't like that. This will be money well spent, I can almost guarantee you, if you're talking about a difference between $100,000 and millions. If he has earned those millions while married to you, are ARE entitled to t, even if he's used legal means to deny you access.

Did you read VeryHurt's thread yet? You really need to.
I have been trying to find that thread. The searches I did did not find it. I just found a couple comments she made. Help!

From what I am told by my lawyer, the STBXH has to prove that the money is sole and separate and I don't need to spend or do all that work. So, if he does not produce the clear evidence and money trail, it is CP. So if this is true, I don't want to do his work that may hurt me. My current lawyer says that the money trail is so old that she thinks it will be impossible to follow back that far, but I'm not depending on that. Behind the scenes I am doing some work and have discovered some things and I very stupidly told my lawyer and she told the CDFP.

Thank you all for your help! My stress leven is down some today and much of that is due to finding this site and you guys.

Also, I realized today that I need a lawyer that is very knowledgable re: commingled funds.
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post #30 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-04-2017, 06:35 PM
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