Along with the good advice from @EleGirl
, here's mine: stop being afraid of your husband. This is your life and you're within your right to have your fair share. He has no qualms about looking out for his own self interests. I suggest that you try to adopt the same attitude. No amount of good advice here is going to change your situation on its own. Only your actions will. I say this not to sting but because I once avoided things when I was worried about upsetting my ex H. I was always walking on eggshells. I was young and afraid and had no one to advise me. I know better now than to let fear hold me in cement. Right now you need to be your own best friend.
I totally get this and you are right and I think about this.....BUT I think that the bottom line is that he has set things up so that he is almost totally protected. I have no fair share. Almost every community property asset turns out to be his. I am just now learning the full extent. So, in a community property state, if the husband can prove sole and separate, he gets it. As it stands now he will walk away with several million and I'll get maybe a hundred thousand. I do have my before marriage house and a decent IRA but that may impact spousal support.
This is what is freaking me out. I see now how he has planned this from the start. He stopped contributing to his IRA, he put only his name on house deeds (3 houses), he is claiming his trust fund went into his brokerage account and although some community money was also deposited, the vast portion is alleged to be sole and separate. And that impacts other assets, making them sole and separate.
If the husband has done this, will the courts follow the letter of the law and leave him with almost everything?
There is still his 401k, which he has not given statements for. And he has given no proof that the trust fund was what went into the brokerage account. But that money was deposited 2 years after we got married so I do not see how it will end up community.
What we are talking about is a large estate that has been carefully planned so the husband keeps it all. And I am 63, haven't worked in 18 years (at his request) and living on SS. So, maybe my lawyer isn't fighting for me to get more because there isn't more for me to get. What can a new lawyer do?
And I've been walking on eggshells.