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post #1 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 11:07 AM Thread Starter
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Unhappy This is crazy

My husband asked for a divorce after 20 years of marriage. I am 63 and he wanted to be free to see younger women and run wild. OK, I get that and I am over him. The issues involve the property settlement, including commingling funds, and the people hired to help with the divorce. We live in a community property state.

Because my husband insisted we not use a lawyer, I hired a neutral party - a certified divorce financial planner. But I also hired a lawyer so I could ask legal questions. This mess has been going on for 4 months. My husband has not turned in all the paperwork and the CFDP is in no way trying to get the paperwork from him. The excuses and delays are endless. No credit report, no 401k statements, no proof of where funds came from. The spreadsheet the CFDP showed me detailing what part of my IRA is CP is full of mistakes...simple and glaring errors. I am living on SS ($1500 a month) and my husband makes over $200,000 a year and at the initial settlement meeting she announced that I did not need any spousal support although I am $39,000 in the hole after bills each year and he is $90,000 to the plus side. There is much more. I really don't know why I have stayed with her this long but my lawyer said to hang on until we got all the documents. I also found an online review of the CFDP and it was scathing. The next meeting is set for a month from now, but I think I need to dump her before that.

At the initial meeting the question of commingling funds was a big issue. My husband had a brokerage account when we married so that was sole and separate at that point. Two years later, he deposited CP money (18% of total in the account). Two years after that he deposited a huge amount into that same account! He claims that it is all from a trust fund, but shows no proof of that. The CFDP agrees with him and wanted me to agree that the entire account was his sole and separate. I did not agree. A few years ago he deposited the proceeds of the sale of a house which would be CP money into that same account. The account balance at that time was almost nothing. Then he used that account as partial payment for another house. The CFDP says that this portion is sole and separate.

My lawyer says that these are all prelim and that I don't have to agree with any of it, but she is in contact with the CFDP and they are having a private lunch in a couple weeks. The lawyer has told the CFDP about results of research I had done without asking me. She talks to the CFDP in another room on the phone. I feel like this is wrong.

Anyways, I am now doubting everyone, including myself. Is that brokerage fund commingled? Do I now get nothing in support? Initially the lawyer told me I would get $4-5000 a month for 5 years until my husband retired based on my age, his income, my income and length of marriage. Everything seems to be rapidly changing and the CFDP seems to be on his side and cooking up ways to protect all his property from me. It has been reduced by 80% during the prelim settlement meeting. Who can I trust? My husband is checked out, living with someone in San Francisco and happy to keep whatever he can.

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post #2 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 11:55 AM
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Re: This is crazy

Fire them both! Then hire an attorney that will get you what you deserve!

"Life always offers you a second chance. It's called tomorrow."
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post #3 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 12:07 PM
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Re: This is crazy

Following your husband's advice was your first mistake.

You need a real lawyer and a real divorce.

"If you deliberately plan on being less than you are capable of being, then I warn you that you'll be unhappy for the rest of your life."

~ Abraham Maslow
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post #4 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 02:02 PM
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Re: This is crazy

It does not matter if your husband does not want to use attorneys. You need to do what is good for you.

Fire the people you are working with right now. they are incompetent. And hire a shark of a lawyer.

A good lawyer will subpoena the records directly from the source if your husband will not provide them.

Since your husband has all the money, you can have a lawyer ask the court to have your legal fees paid out of computing funds. Your husband will need to write a check to your lawyer out of the money he his keeping from you.

I always suggest that a person not file for divorce until you have copies of all legal and financial paperwork. I know it's too late for you to go back and get this yourself. But I'm saying it here for the many people who will be reading this thread.
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post #5 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 02:05 PM
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Re: This is crazy

Look up VeryHurt's thread. Yours looks like a cakewalk compared to hers. But you might learn some valuable insight into how to fight his bs.
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post #6 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 02:12 PM
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Re: This is crazy

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
It does not matter if your husband does not want to use attorneys. You need to do what is good for you.

Fire the people you are working with right now. they are incompetent. And hire a shark of a lawyer.

A good lawyer will subpoena the records directly from the source if your husband will not provide them.

Since your husband has all the money, you can have a lawyer ask the court to have your legal fees paid out of computing funds. Your husband will need to write a check to your lawyer out of the money he his keeping from you.

I always suggest that a person not file for divorce until you have copies of all legal and financial paperwork. I know it's too late for you to go back and get this yourself. But I'm saying it here for the many people who will be reading this thread.
^^THIS^^ OP Please take this advice, the only way you will get what you are entitled to is by firing the idiots you currently have working on this.
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post #7 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 02:25 PM
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Re: This is crazy

Probably over simplified but something along these lines.. The only guarantee is #5

1) fire everyone
2) get a new shark lawyer, spare no expense with the gap between wages and length of marriage. Husband will have to contribute.
3) Tell husband crew his "no lawyers" request
4) sick the dogs on him
5) sit back and sip a mojito and enjoy your life!
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post #8 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 06:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This is crazy

Thank you all.

Today the lawyer told me that if only his name is on the deed to the house then it is his sole and separate even though the down payment and mortgage payments were paid for with CP. One more lost asset.

He covered all his bases. I am going to talk to someone else on Monday. This stress is awful. All I can think is that he leaves after 20 years with everything (millions) and I'm going to scrape by. Community property is not good if one party figures out how to keep everything sole and separate.
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post #9 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 06:37 PM
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Re: This is crazy

Do you mind sharing which state you live in.

In most (all) community property states, the house belongs to both of you regardless of whose name is on the deed since community property funds were used to pay for th house, repairs, etc. Like I said, you need a new lawyer.
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post #10 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 06:45 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This is crazy

I am in Arizona and my lawyer works for one of the top family law firms! I thought what you stated was correct, but my lawyer is saying that it is like I gave him the house as a gift! I feel like I have fallen down the rabbit hole.

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post #11 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 06:55 PM
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Re: This is crazy

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Originally Posted by holdmyground View Post
I am in Arizona and my lawyer works for one of the top family law firms! I thought what you stated was correct, but my lawyer is saying that it is like I gave him the house as a gift! I feel like I have fallen down the rabbit hole.
I need to get ready to go out for dinner right now. But I will look this up for you after dinner or early tomorrow. I really doubt that your lawyer it right. I done forensic accounting for divorces in some community property states to prove that property/assets are not sole property. I rather doubt that Arizona is any different than other community property states.

You definitely need to talk to some other attorneys.
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post #12 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 06:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: This is crazy

It has been 4 months and he has not gotten his 401k statements in, or his credit report. Is this acceptable? No one seems to care.
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post #13 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 07:05 PM
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Re: This is crazy

You are paying a lawyer to take care of these things for you. Tell your lawyer to either get it done or they are fired.

And unless the entire home is paid for by an inheritance, it is community property.

My guess is your lawyer may be PART of a huge law firm, but they most likely gave you the VERY least qualified lawyer they have on board, i.e. just passed the boards.

Find someone else who is hungry for the business and will fight for you.
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post #14 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 07:06 PM
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Re: This is crazy

Ok.. looks like dinner plans just got moved to tomorrow.... so here's some stuff to read

Who Owns What in Marital Property? - FindLaw
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post #15 of 44 (permalink) Old 02-03-2017, 07:15 PM
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Re: This is crazy

"Arizona, like most other states on the west coast, is considered a community property state. These states share many similar principles when it comes to dividing assets and obligations accrued during a marriage. Generally, anything that a married couple accumulates during the marriage is considered community property, that is, both spouses own an undivided share of the whole. Exceptions to this general principle include those assets acquired prior to the marriage, by gift, devise (by a will) or descent (inheritance). Because the Arizona courts start with a strong presumption that anything acquired during marriage is a community item, the spouse claiming a particular item is not community property has the burden of proving otherwise."

The above is a quote from the site for a legal firm in AZ. You said that your husband has provided no information about anything financial. So he has not proven that the house is his sole property. AZ courts make the assumption that all property is community property.


What Every Divorcing Spouse Should Know About Community Property in Arizona ? The Law Office of Carrie M. Wilcox

You need to find a lawyer who will fight for you. That lawyer has to be willing to fight to get you half of all assets to include the home; to give all debt to your husband since you have no way of paying for it (I've seen this happen); who will subpoena your financial records that your husband is holding hostage; who will get you interim spousal support; who will ask the court to have your legal fees paid out of community assets/fund; and for you to get half of his retirement accounts.

Find a lawyer who will fight for you. Your current lawyer clearly will not do that.
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