This is crazy
My husband asked for a divorce after 20 years of marriage. I am 63 and he wanted to be free to see younger women and run wild. OK, I get that and I am over him. The issues involve the property settlement, including commingling funds, and the people hired to help with the divorce. We live in a community property state.
Because my husband insisted we not use a lawyer, I hired a neutral party - a certified divorce financial planner. But I also hired a lawyer so I could ask legal questions. This mess has been going on for 4 months. My husband has not turned in all the paperwork and the CFDP is in no way trying to get the paperwork from him. The excuses and delays are endless. No credit report, no 401k statements, no proof of where funds came from. The spreadsheet the CFDP showed me detailing what part of my IRA is CP is full of mistakes...simple and glaring errors. I am living on SS ($1500 a month) and my husband makes over $200,000 a year and at the initial settlement meeting she announced that I did not need any spousal support although I am $39,000 in the hole after bills each year and he is $90,000 to the plus side. There is much more. I really don't know why I have stayed with her this long but my lawyer said to hang on until we got all the documents. I also found an online review of the CFDP and it was scathing. The next meeting is set for a month from now, but I think I need to dump her before that.
At the initial meeting the question of commingling funds was a big issue. My husband had a brokerage account when we married so that was sole and separate at that point. Two years later, he deposited CP money (18% of total in the account). Two years after that he deposited a huge amount into that same account! He claims that it is all from a trust fund, but shows no proof of that. The CFDP agrees with him and wanted me to agree that the entire account was his sole and separate. I did not agree. A few years ago he deposited the proceeds of the sale of a house which would be CP money into that same account. The account balance at that time was almost nothing. Then he used that account as partial payment for another house. The CFDP says that this portion is sole and separate.
My lawyer says that these are all prelim and that I don't have to agree with any of it, but she is in contact with the CFDP and they are having a private lunch in a couple weeks. The lawyer has told the CFDP about results of research I had done without asking me. She talks to the CFDP in another room on the phone. I feel like this is wrong.
Anyways, I am now doubting everyone, including myself. Is that brokerage fund commingled? Do I now get nothing in support? Initially the lawyer told me I would get $4-5000 a month for 5 years until my husband retired based on my age, his income, my income and length of marriage. Everything seems to be rapidly changing and the CFDP seems to be on his side and cooking up ways to protect all his property from me. It has been reduced by 80% during the prelim settlement meeting. Who can I trust? My husband is checked out, living with someone in San Francisco and happy to keep whatever he can.