having holiday together with ex in laws
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Old 12-18-2011, 06:48 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default having holiday together with ex in laws

Hi,
Funny story.... We are off to see his inlaws for a couple of weeks and to play happy families.

I agreed as his parents are very nice, but I hate staying in their house but there has never been an option to stay elsewhere, and he refuses to understand why I feel crowded in their house with our 4 children and them being elderly and sick.

As they are both sick, I agreed to go and take my children, as I think they need to see g/parents and there may not be many chances. Also no way was I staying home for Xmas with no children. (we have to travel interstate)

We have lived separetely for 8 months and have seen a counsellor, but currently he has too much else on his mind to continue. Once our house is sold it would help but we still haven't decided to buy one or 2 houses with the proceeds!!

He has 2 children from a previous, whom I brought up, and as they are both teenage girls, another problem all together.

I was annoyed when his mother asked about sleeping arrangements he said we would share with no consulting me. He told me about the call afterwards.

He seems to want me back, but these things show he has not changed. He wants the children, housekeeper and nanny more than a wife, though I am sure he has missed someone to sleep with. Probably why he wants to share a room.... Neither of us have a new partner and we have tried to keep it al friendly for the kids and if we do get back together again.

I am still confused as apart from moving out we have no arrangements in place. He gives me no money but the business pays some of my bills. He sees the kids most weekends, but only if it suits both of us, otherwise he doesn't.

So anyway I just thought I would share my holiday plans and maybe get a few thoughts to help me / us through these 2 weeks would be helpful....
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Old 12-18-2011, 06:57 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: having holiday together with ex in laws

If you feel crowded at their house, maybe you can plan some time out just for you. Do you know anyone in the town you could visit some? If not maybe a pamering visit to a spa? a hair dresser? or just a long walk?
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Old 12-18-2011, 07:43 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: having holiday together with ex in laws

Good idea. leaving g/ parents with kids for a short while would probably be OK. (Their dad is usually out with his brothers) Usually I feel so responsible for their behaviour (or lack of!!) I don't like leaving them unsupervised (out of habit maybe as well). They are older now, and may behave better.

Thanks. Just have to see how the sleeping arrangements work out!
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Old 12-19-2011, 06:17 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: having holiday together with ex in laws

Amy G - Bedroom....
Scumbag - Couch......

Sleeping arrangements complete!
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Old 12-19-2011, 08:27 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: having holiday together with ex in laws

My STBXH tried to pull the sleeping-in-the-same-bed routine when his son came to visit and we were in separate rooms in our house. He begged me to sleep in his room (my old room) because he didn't want his son to find out we were separated. Well, he should've thought about that before he tossed me out of the bedroom months earlier, so I told him too bad and didn't sleep with him.

I agree with hurtingsobad:

Amy G - Bedroom
Scumbag - Couch

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Originally Posted by Amy G View Post
Just have to see how the sleeping arrangements work out!
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Old 12-19-2011, 10:14 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: having holiday together with ex in laws

Quote:
Originally Posted by cyan View Post
My STBXH tried to pull the sleeping-in-the-same-bed routine when his son came to visit and we were in separate rooms in our house. He begged me to sleep in his room (my old room) because he didn't want his son to find out we were separated. Well, he should've thought about that before he tossed me out of the bedroom months earlier, so I told him too bad and didn't sleep with him.

I agree with hurtingsobad:

Amy G - Bedroom
Scumbag - Couch
Get a blow-up air mattress at Wal-Mart with a pump. $25 investment maybe. He sleeps on air mattress. You're on the bed.
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Old 01-08-2012, 06:09 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: having holiday together with ex in laws

Thanks for the ideas. As it happened we did share a bed and NOTHING HAPPENED! Neither of us discussed the possibility of anything

No doubt it will come up in counselling if we ever get to go again, and he will imply it was me being cold. He started to get grumpy and I think he feels I should have invited him. I felt mean, but I also didn't want to be physical with him.

Neither of us discussed anything, but shared the bed like brother and sister. The surreal bit was that all his family know we are separated, but not one person meantioned it, questioned me or anything. Maybe someone siad something to him, but he never meantioned to me.

I was treated same as usual. It was easier in a way as I felt more detached from the s/kids and not responsible for their behaviour in the same way.

We also didn't talk about anything between ourselves, which was a pity as we could have made time if we had wanted to.

Anyway, the kids and I had a few days just on our own in a different city on the way home, and that was a great week.

So it was OK, but I was glad when we did finally leave.
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