Separation from wife with hyperthyroidism
Hi all, new here.
Does anyone have experience with hyperthyroidism?
My wife and I have been married for 5.5 years, together for over 10. I'm 31, she's 28. We had a great relationship for many years.
A few months after the birth of my son, we began having HUGE fights. Not just yelling and bickering, but continuous escalation that wound up in her physically attacking me at one point (I reacted physically, but it was single open-handed slap to the face), throwing and breaking things in other occurrences (my reaction was to try and restrain her). Maybe I didn't handle these situations the right way, but I was trying to end the "fits" she was having. These were fairly rare, and once things calmed down, we let it go.
A few months later, she seemed to be getting more and more irritable, and began having hand tremors, heat intolerance, rapid weight loss, and rapid heartbeat. I insisted upon her getting to the doctor.
Long story short, she was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism as a result of Graves' Disease. It explained all of her symptoms, even the extreme "rages" the resulted in attacks and throwing/breaking things. She began medication for this, and things seemed to be fine for a while.
Fast forward a bit, and I became unemployed. She was also unemployed, so we spent a LOT of time together for a few weeks. At first, it was nice, but it steadily degenerated to constant bickering. After we began working again, hints of divorce came up, but somehow we avoided doing anything.
My brother died in July, and for a while, our relationship actually seemed to be improving as we dealt with the grief. She had a follow-up visit with her endocrinologist (who's working with her on the hyperthyroidism) and reduced her medication. Things went steadily downhill from there, until about a month ago, when she announced that our relationship was over, and we were getting divorced. She said she'd wait until the holidays were over to keep things easy on our families.
A week or so goes by, I'm emotional, she's withdrawn, but the fight comes up again. I pleaded with her to wait until her condition had been fully treated (defined as either her going into remission or taking treatment to definitively kill the thyroid), but she refused. In the discussion that followed, she acknowledged how badly she needed treatment (not only for the hyperthyroidism, but also psychiatric treatment), but the stress of our living situation was making things worse for her.
I was able to get her to agree to a separation first, to see if things could work out once she's been treated. Instead of waiting until the holidays were over, I suggested that she leave before things got worse. We agreed to a few things, personally and financially, and on who would have our son when.
I asked her before she left if she was still 100% for divorce and if we were just delaying the inevitable, and she said that she wasn't 100% for it, but not sure if it could be worked out.
I'm not going to lie: it's killing me. She's been gone for almost a month now, and our few interactions come only when one of us is picking our son up from the other. At first, she'd get him and leave as fast as possible, but the visits have become ever so slightly longer, with a small amount of conversation occuring, but rarely straying from talk about our son. We're going out in a few days to get Santa pictures of our son, and some dinner afterwards. I don't think this is a reconciliation attempt, but I'm going to try to stick to the 180 principles in my interaction with her.
I don't know how this compares to finding out someone's cheated on you, but it seems to me like then you have the ability to legitimately blame someone, the healing process is aided. I can't really blame my wife for this situation; things like this are typical when it comes to hyperthyroidism, and she's just not her normal self. She's certainly not the woman I married.
I'm not saying the marriage was perfect, I have certainly done my share of misdeeds, but we were always able to work through them before this came up. I don't think it's the root of the problem, but I do think it's the reason we can't get through it.
I'm seeing a psychologist now and taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication. I'm spending more time with family and recently began tai chi.
Anyone have similar experiences or thoughts/advice? I've been emotionally weak from all of my experiences this year, so while the 180 sounds like the perfect way to handle the situation, I'm a little concerned about my ability to execute.
Thanks for reading the wall of text.