STARTINGOVER@40

I'm ok..

I've had a fair bit on my plate the last few weeks, was taken ill at work. Went straight to the docs.. long story short I've been off with hypertension & been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes

Been taking it easy, trying to get my head around it all. Doc says both can be attributed to stress, but I have family history of both too...

Deadline has passed for me to apply for decree absolute (June 1st) not spoken to the solicitor yet. If I'm completely honest I have been putting it off, STBX-AHOLE is being relatively nice & easygoing. I could do without the drama. But I know I'll have to bite the bullet in the next week or so.

No more viewings on the house, dissappointing but well I don't know what else to do

I have no idea if he is still with her or not, but I have to assume that he is. There has been alot of "overtime" at work lately but he has been splashing the cash on our daughter too (guilt!!??)

I'm still terrified about the future as a single mum, but hey I can't change it. I have no desire to date anyone, even flirt with anyone... I just feel like I cannot be bothered with any of that stuff right now. Too complicated

I had a long chat with my MIL on Friday, we were talking about a younger family member who is going off the rails, how they needed someone to intervene & help them or there was a likelyhood they would end up regretting it later on.. I couldn't help but draw parallels with my STBX-AHOLE and she agreed..

Said she was worried about what he was doing, practically begged me not to divorce him as I had been the best thing that ever happened to him...

It was a really difficult talk... I said that I couldn't turn a blind eye anymore.. that I have to let him make the mistake I knew he was, let him dig his own hole & find his own way out.. I couldn't keep bailing him out, that I need someone to look after me for a change. I'm tired of being the bad guy, the one who says no, the voice of reason.. the adult..

I only want to be responsible for me & my daughter..

I don't know what will happen when the divorce if finalised.. Im sure I'm in for a rough ride.. but I can't go back now.

There is no back... only forwards

angelpixie

((BIG HUGS)) to you, SO. I'm sorry to hear about your diagnoses, but it totally stands to reason. And a good thing you are still going through with the D. It will be rough, but a certain kind of stress will be gone when you aren't legally tied to STBXH anymore.

Take good care of yourself!!

__________________
Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray. -- Rumi

bandit.45

I think about you all the time SO@40.

You get well. Please take care of your health and try not to stress too much. Things will work out for you, just have patience. You have friends here at TAM who care about you.

You have to stay healthy long enough for me to fly over the pond. I want to see those beautiful eyes in person one day.

STARTINGOVER@40

Aww, thats lovely - thank you Bandit x
It's a date x
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STARTINGOVER@40

I'm having a really bad day today, cant stop crying..

It's come out of nowhere, I feel utterly lost and everything seems so hopeless..

I'm overwelmed by how unfair this all is not just on me but on my beautiful daughter..

I just want this all to go away.

I've lost my fight.. I'm cleaning the house to try & distract myself but it's not working

I'm so sick of this

bandit.45

It sucks.

Sucks the way it comes and goes. I would go days being OK and then wham!.... the pain would hit me and take me out. Health, sanity, happiness.....they all take a hit when you have a spouse who is amoral and doesn't give a crap about you or your feelings.

SO@40, you and I are alot alike. Our stress takes it out on us physically... you with the health issues you're having and me with my arterial problems and recent illness. Our waywards have no clue the devastation they cause with their selfishness.

I'm in Vegas on business and instead of sleeping, I stayed up all night and played blackjack....not because I am a gambler but because I didn't want to go to sleep and think about my ex who I ran into yesterday.

I know how you feel.

It sucks.

UpnDown

Take that ride down the rollercoaster and hang on, but once it starts heading up try to really enjoy yourself. Hope you start to feel better though the day!
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cantmove

I'm sorry that you're having a hard time right now. I've been that way for the past couple of weeks. Back to not sleeping and crying uncontrollably. I started taking Ad's about 2 weeks ago. Hope they kick in soon. I wish I had good advice for you but I can't climb out of this right now. My sweet son still thinks his Dad is coming back and his Dad does nothing to discourage it. It makes me so angry because he is still with ow so he knows he can't come back. So selfish.

STARTINGOVER@40

I can't sleep.. Just stewing it all over & over in my head.

I had to sit with my hand over my mouth tonight because I wasn't sure what would come out. I want to scream at him one minute and ask why the next..

Eugh.. I thought I was past all this
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Conrad

Did you win?

__________________
"Forgive or Re-Live"

-AFEH

bandit.45

No. Lost my ass. But it was fun anyway.

bandit.45

I ran into my wife this morning at the airport. I shot off one of my signature flippant remarks to her.

Know what? It really didn't make me feel better. But I told myself it did. Now I just feel like an ass because in a way I was letting her control me.

You were right to keep silent. You're a stronger person than I am. Don't forget it.

STARTINGOVER@40

I don't feel strong... I feel weak & needy
I know I'm focusing on the rejection too much.. self esteem issues have forced their way back.

I have to find a way out of this pit I'm wallowing in..

Dollystanford

damn girl, sounds like someone needs to come out drinking with DOLLY!

__________________
Learn how to talk proper, know what I mean?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dollystanford I don't sweat....I glisten

bandit.45

Party at SO@40's house!!!

A nude party with goats and midgets and chocolate pudding Twister!

Oh wait... she has a kid.
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