Wow! I spent the morning reading/catching up on your story and I feel anxious and exhausted just from reading it. I can't imagine how awful it would be to live it. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Like 2nd said, you're husband seems to be living in a fantasy land. He seems to go back and forth between childish tantrums and pretending everything is fine. I think you need to stick with your plan of moving on without him. You can only live with 'crazy' for so long, before they start to drag you down with them.
Thanks guys... I'm exhausted by all this crap.. I know that if I can get through this, & get into my own house with my little girl, then we will be in a much better place. He is incapable of telling the truth. That much I do know. I am convinced that all of this is just lip service to keep me sweet, whilst telling her what she wants to hear and keeping us both dangling. I think it's a control thing. Makes him feel like a big man to have both of us trying to hold on to him...
I dont believe for one second that he truly wants me. He wants our daughter & we come as a package. I'm only dragging my feet because I didn't want any of this, EVER! I don't cope well with change, and although I see it as inevitable now. I would do anything to avoid what is ahead. My confidence is shot. He has been instrumental in that over the years. He has always been jealous, possessive & controlling. I don't see anyone else wanting me ever. I am the kind of person who needs a plan, a clear path ahead of me. I find the uncertainty terrifying.
Each time he starts telling me crap about how he is going to change, I want to believe it. But there is this voice inside my head that is screaming at me not to believe him. I know I can't risk my heart being ripped to shreds again, so I have locked it up & thrown away the key.
I only see him hurting me again. I need to get away from him. Posted via Mobile Device
startingover, you WILL do just fine and you WILL find someone that wants you some day when you feel ready for it.
you are doing good in seeing what is happening.
i know you dont want to be his back up or 2nd choice.
So I decided to talk to him again today.. We haven't said alot since the other day when he came out with the "I'll do anything" crap.. It has been irritating me that there has been a distinct lack of anything since then, no conversation nothing. So I asked him tonight.. So was all that just talk? You didn't mean it? You were just talking crap?
To which he replies... WHAT? so I relayed the conversation we had back to him & he denies it?!?!
WTF?? It never happened, just like the affair & the engagement?? OMG!! seriously I could do him some serious harm right now! He says as far as I was concerned nothing had changed & we were getting divorced.. He can't remember saying what he did..
I'm beginning to think he has serious mental health issues or at the very least a brain tumor, it's the only thing I can think of to explain his behavior.
Why is he torturing me? Posted via Mobile Device
either he does have mental issues or he is just playing you big time.
i think he is playing you and trying to make you think you have the mental issues, hes trying to break you down.
i think youre best off just leaving things alone or you may begin to doubt yourself as he wants.
either he does have mental issues or he is just playing you big time.
i think he is playing you and trying to make you think you have the mental issues, hes trying to break you down.
i think youre best off just leaving things alone or you may begin to doubt yourself as he wants.
I think so too.. I'm so angry right now I want to break stuff..(
I want to hurt him.. The way he is hurting me.. I want to expose his lies to everyone, he's doing a great job of keeping all this under wraps. I'm afraid if I lose it I will look like a nut job and play right into his hands
I want this pain to go away.. I'm scared of what's going through my head right now, I had self harm issues when I was a teenager & I feel like I'm that 16 year old kid again... Frustrated, hurt & wanting someone to help me but not knowing where to turn. I am not this person anymore.. I refuse to let him break me down.. Posted via Mobile Device
I swore I wouldn't cry over him any more.. Good grief I can't even do that.. I'm up here breaking my heart over our broken marriage & he's down there playing on his x box with his mates, laughing & joking... My life is a soap opera Posted via Mobile Device
Trying to be friends with a wayward is foolish and a waste. Go completely and utterly dark. Your marriage isnkt high school. She betrayed you.
Ten years down the road when the anger is gone and the dust has settled, then maybe you can buy her a coke and laugh about the old times. Until then, treat her like communism. Posted via Mobile Device
I think so too.. I'm so angry right now I want to break stuff..(
I want to hurt him.. The way he is hurting me.. I want to expose his lies to everyone, he's doing a great job of keeping all this under wraps. I'm afraid if I lose it I will look like a nut job and play right into his hands
I want this pain to go away.. I'm scared of what's going through my head right now, I had self harm issues when I was a teenager & I feel like I'm that 16 year old kid again... Frustrated, hurt & wanting someone to help me but not knowing where to turn. I am not this person anymore.. I refuse to let him break me down.. Posted via Mobile Device
are you living together now?
if so, do you feel like you need to be completely away from him?
it sounds to me like you need to.
just leave the discussions like you just had with him alone.
dont have anymore with him at all.
you dont want to break for anyone, especially someone who was supposed to love you completely but instead chooses to do these things to you.
really sounds like you need complete distance from him.
are you living together now?
if so, do you feel like you need to be completely away from him?
it sounds to me like you need to.
just leave the discussions like you just had with him alone.
dont have anymore with him at all.
you dont want to break for anyone, especially someone who was supposed to love you completely but instead chooses to do these things to you.
really sounds like you need complete distance from him.
House us up for sale.. He is refusing to leave & I can't. My job means I can't have any bad credit, if I leave he has said he will not pay the mortgage, I can't afford it on my own, I can't afford to pay rent & mortgage.. I'm screwed till the house sells.. But it's torture.. Posted via Mobile Device
House us up for sale.. He is refusing to leave & I can't. My job means I can't have any bad credit, if I leave he has said he will not pay the mortgage, I can't afford it on my own, I can't afford to pay rent & mortgage.. I'm screwed till the house sells.. But it's torture.. Posted via Mobile Device
hmmm, this sucks.
you just need to avoid him completely at all costs.
i know hard to do but you dont want to break and you DO NOT want to go back to being that 16 year old again.
only discuss things you absolutely have to, nothing else, just stay completely away from him as you can.
AND NO SEX!!!
just make like he is not even there.
either he does have mental issues or he is just playing you big time.
i think he is playing you and trying to make you think you have the mental issues, hes trying to break you down.
i think youre best off just leaving things alone or you may begin to doubt yourself as he wants.
"Gaslighting describes a pattern of pychological abuse in which the victim is gradually manipulated into doubting her own reality. This can involve physical tactics (such as moving or hiding objects) or emotional ones (such as denying one's own abusive behavior to a victim.)The effect is to maintain the abuser's self-image as a sympathetic person, while simultaneously priming the disoriented victim to believe that she is to blame for mistreatment."
"Gaslighting describes a pattern of pychological abuse in which the victim is gradually manipulated into doubting her own reality. This can involve physical tactics (such as moving or hiding objects) or emotional ones (such as denying one's own abusive behavior to a victim.)The effect is to maintain the abuser's self-image as a sympathetic person, while simultaneously priming the disoriented victim to believe that she is to blame for mistreatment."
Don't let him gaslight you.
does this sound like what he is doing to you?
sure does to me.
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Re: Where to begin.... 
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