A goodbye letter to my husband...
This is a letter I have choosen to write to my husband...
To my Husband,
I expect my words to be ignored and ridiculed. I expect my deepest feelings to be unimportant. I know what I say means nothing. Even with this knowledge, I must speak from my heart.
From the moment I heard your voice I knew that you were a special person. We talked for hours and shared our most intimate secrets. We laughed, played and laughed some more. I remember our first kiss and the tingles that went through my lips, to the top of my head, to the tips of my toes and straight to my heart. It was kismet.
The time we spent together was beautiful and fulfilling for me. I longed to have a family of my own and I was blessed to have experienced that in my short life. Looking back, I can clearly see the amazing power of love. It kept us together when nothing else could. We shared the most incredible life together. We had beautiful daughters, an almost unbreakable friendship and a love that was deeper and unlike any other I've ever known.
As time passed the feelings we had slowly changed. It became resentment, boredom, hurt and regret. I have given more grief than I understood. I withstood more hurt than I could fathom yet I always believed that the love we had could and would conquer all. Unfortunately, I didn't understand that in order for that to be possible I had to give more than take and sometimes take when I didn't feel deserving. Your feelings weren't my priority as they should have been as I pouted when I should have poured on more understanding. I cried when I should have laughed. I was angry when I should have been grateful.
Now the tides have changed. The love that I thought would hold us together has passed. The time spent together is now almost a regretful past that has quickly been forgotten. It is shaded by hate, despair, and unbearable heartache.
I apologize first and foremost to you, the man I committed my heart and life to forever. I haven't been myself. I have been vindictive, hateful, greedy and contemptuous. I have been less of the woman I should have been and more of the woman you cringe at the thought of interacting with. I am to blame for the actions I have taken because I did not keep my cool. Instead I let my emotions get the best of me. I spewed angry, hateful words and I can not take them back.
Secondly, I apologize to Sara. All she is at fault for is falling for a special man. Even though I projected my rage at her she was an innocent bystander in this situation.
As I stated earlier I expect nothing. I expect no understanding or reciprocation of the sentiment expressed in this letter. To laugh at me is to be honest. To not believe me is the truth. My daughter said to me that she wished that there was a such thing as a fairy god-mother. She would wish all of our problems away and wish that our family was together. Then she said the most poignant and revealing words that a 10 year old could ever say. She said, "That part of life is over and we have to write the end of this chapter like it is, a sad ending to a beautiful beginning. We can start a new chapter and make it whatever we choose." Deep, lol
So in closing, I know that I have made severe and life altering mistake and decisions that I will never forget. With that said, I can and will learn from them and not make them again. I have truly found happiness in Jeremy. He is the sunny day to what has been a night filled with angst and turmoil. You have found your flower in a field of weeds, Sara. I believe that she is who makes you smile and I can't be mad at that. With all due respect to her and your relationship, the love I carried in my heart can't be compared and shouldn't be. I shared 10 years of wonderful moments with you and that's the positive memories I will hold close to me until the day God calls me home.
Even with the ugliness displayed over the last few days, I am happy that I know you, happy that I once loved you and happy that I can move on.
Should I send this?
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