A goodbye letter to my husband... - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 12:45 AM Thread Starter
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A goodbye letter to my husband...

This is a letter I have choosen to write to my husband...

To my Husband,

I expect my words to be ignored and ridiculed. I expect my deepest feelings to be unimportant. I know what I say means nothing. Even with this knowledge, I must speak from my heart.

From the moment I heard your voice I knew that you were a special person. We talked for hours and shared our most intimate secrets. We laughed, played and laughed some more. I remember our first kiss and the tingles that went through my lips, to the top of my head, to the tips of my toes and straight to my heart. It was kismet.

The time we spent together was beautiful and fulfilling for me. I longed to have a family of my own and I was blessed to have experienced that in my short life. Looking back, I can clearly see the amazing power of love. It kept us together when nothing else could. We shared the most incredible life together. We had beautiful daughters, an almost unbreakable friendship and a love that was deeper and unlike any other I've ever known.

As time passed the feelings we had slowly changed. It became resentment, boredom, hurt and regret. I have given more grief than I understood. I withstood more hurt than I could fathom yet I always believed that the love we had could and would conquer all. Unfortunately, I didn't understand that in order for that to be possible I had to give more than take and sometimes take when I didn't feel deserving. Your feelings weren't my priority as they should have been as I pouted when I should have poured on more understanding. I cried when I should have laughed. I was angry when I should have been grateful.

Now the tides have changed. The love that I thought would hold us together has passed. The time spent together is now almost a regretful past that has quickly been forgotten. It is shaded by hate, despair, and unbearable heartache.

I apologize first and foremost to you, the man I committed my heart and life to forever. I haven't been myself. I have been vindictive, hateful, greedy and contemptuous. I have been less of the woman I should have been and more of the woman you cringe at the thought of interacting with. I am to blame for the actions I have taken because I did not keep my cool. Instead I let my emotions get the best of me. I spewed angry, hateful words and I can not take them back.

Secondly, I apologize to Sara. All she is at fault for is falling for a special man. Even though I projected my rage at her she was an innocent bystander in this situation.

As I stated earlier I expect nothing. I expect no understanding or reciprocation of the sentiment expressed in this letter. To laugh at me is to be honest. To not believe me is the truth. My daughter said to me that she wished that there was a such thing as a fairy god-mother. She would wish all of our problems away and wish that our family was together. Then she said the most poignant and revealing words that a 10 year old could ever say. She said, "That part of life is over and we have to write the end of this chapter like it is, a sad ending to a beautiful beginning. We can start a new chapter and make it whatever we choose." Deep, lol

So in closing, I know that I have made severe and life altering mistake and decisions that I will never forget. With that said, I can and will learn from them and not make them again. I have truly found happiness in Jeremy. He is the sunny day to what has been a night filled with angst and turmoil. You have found your flower in a field of weeds, Sara. I believe that she is who makes you smile and I can't be mad at that. With all due respect to her and your relationship, the love I carried in my heart can't be compared and shouldn't be. I shared 10 years of wonderful moments with you and that's the positive memories I will hold close to me until the day God calls me home.

Even with the ugliness displayed over the last few days, I am happy that I know you, happy that I once loved you and happy that I can move on.

Your Wife

Should I send this?
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 12:58 AM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

No....just save it for yourself in times of anguish. Do not give him more power than he has given himself. He know all of this in your letter already. It's just my opinion, but if it meant anything to him... he would have made different decisions concerning you. And if you do send it, do not expect him to have a big revelation concerning you. The leaver just does not act that way in regards to the leavee. I am sorry you are hurting, disappointed, confused, etc. Know that you are not alone.

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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 12:58 AM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

I don't see the point. I thought you were either going to try to get him back or tell him off. Sounds like you both have moved on! I think sending him this letter will make him think that you haven't really moved on.

Is that what you are trying to do? Get him back?
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 01:02 AM Thread Starter
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

I thought about trying to get him back but I know that there is nothing I can say to change his mind. I wanted to "try" one last time but I thought I would just embarrass myself further. I wouldn't even know where to begin to "get him back." Hell, I don't even know how to tell him off anymore, lol
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 01:18 AM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

Dont do it

If you want him back this isnt the way.

The way is to take amazing care of yourseld with the 180 thereby making yourself attractive.

I occassionally write letters to get things off my chest but I neve send them.

Abraham Lincoln did the same
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 09:11 AM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

I made the mistake of writing a similar letter....it came back to hurt me in the end. Stop blaming yourself. It takes two to destroy or build a marriage.

Dont send.....it gives him more power.

Hugs.....I know how you feel. Believe in yourself and it will get better.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 01:29 PM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

That's an amazing letter.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 01:41 PM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

It is an amazing letter. But it puts all the blame on you. Since it takes 2 to make a marriage work, I doubt that you were the only one who did things wrong. You need to forgive yourself for what you did wrong.

Because of the above reasons and the reasons stated by other posters, don't send the letter. Keep it for yourself.

Now that you have written a letter to him (hopefully a never sent one), now write one to you about what you did right in the marriage. Surely you did a lot of things that were right.

And then fold them together and put them in someplace where you keep memorable things.

Let go and move on after this.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 08:23 PM Thread Starter
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

Oh no, I don't blame myself for everything at all. I am just able to recognize my mistakes much easier than he can. I'm not going to send it. It wouldn't make a difference, I think I needed to vent. I'm much more at ease now with this situation. Its been one hell of a year and I look forward to a better 2012.
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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 09:01 PM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

Yup, that's a great letter....to keep!

You are bigger than him, so keep him small. No empowerment, no vindication! Let him eat cake!

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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-21-2011, 10:47 PM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

Elegirl, that is a great idea about writing two letters. I, too am feeling like I need to vent, never got to tell him how I felt about his behavior during our marriage cause he was too chicken to face the truth. And I know that there were lots of things I did right. I have learned a lot about what I could have done better and that is good for me and my future. One for him and one for me.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-28-2011, 08:22 AM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

I wrote a similar letter and it did no good. They are shut off to feeling any emotion that way. You got it out, now put the letter away and don't send it. The message is unclear. It's almost like "I forgive you because I was the one who messed up and now we've both moved on." He most likely doesn't deserve that and he needs to take his own responsibility as well.

~ You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough. ~

Or, you could be a big sap and trust your husband, and he could end up being a lying, spineless, cheater.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-28-2011, 08:33 AM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

Beware of "narrative fallacy" (ref. Hayden White)
It's a great letter, but I think you'd be better off 'sending' it by transforming it into a smoke signal.
Suppressed rage, especially when it comes to you legitimately, is not a great thing. It comes back to bite. :-(
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-30-2011, 10:09 PM Thread Starter
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

I never sent it and I wrote another letter...not nice, lol I just needed to vent, lol
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 12-31-2011, 10:57 AM
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Re: A goodbye letter to my husband...

I wrote a letter - it was honest, true and from the heart.

It was the spark that set my marriage on fire.

I will continue to write many letters - but send few.

By the way, your letter was beautifully composed and made me cry. Your daughter is a poet and so right.

You are the author - write the next chaper the way you want it to happen. Then make it real.

Advice from someone who wishes he had some over the past years.

Good luck.
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