As others have stated, you'll need to get specific if you want help working on the issues.
One question: how did you find out about her leaving? You said it was by accident, but that could mean a lot of things.
All in all, if the two of you are still seeing each other regularly and enjoying intimacy then you likely have a much better chance of reconciling than most of us on these boards.
Reading through your posts again, two things jumped out at me as being completely at odds with each other. You that during your therapy session you wanted to focus on the future of the relationship and not revisit the past. However, you also stated that when you spend time with your wife you DO tend to talk about the past and your own problems dealing with it.
That has to be incredibly confusing for her; that you're not willing to talk about the past with the help of a trained professional, but want to dump it on her any time you two are alone. You have to fix that disconnect.
I'm really trying to be specific and open. One day, i ran into a mutual acquaintance. he said he was sorry to hear the "news". that's how I found out. I had to ask her about it, she told me she was moving out. she would have told me that weekend. I had no warning of her intention. nothing out of the ordinary was happening, that I saw.
as far as reasons i was given: "I'm Physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted and have nothing left to give anyone, not you, not my kid, not even myself. I'm done".
to illustrate the suddenness of this, we had even planned and booked a vacation only 3 weeks before this happened.
Since this, I've learned that i did rely on her to much, always expected that she would be there, and that I never expected this would happen. I was complacent. We had a blended family, that never really blended, it was a roller coaster revolving door. There were and are constant custody disputes all initiated by my first wife, that took there toll. It was/is stressful, and I allowed it to takeover my life, and I allowed it to ruin our marriage. I'll own it, and I'll take responsibility for letting it all happen around me. I spent far to much time worrying about tomorrow, the next day, the next year, that I didn't appreciate the present. I neglected her, and I neglected what I had.
yes, I agree with what you say about the discussion of the past, that is good advice and I hope to have the opportunity to fix that disconnect! I must be more conscious of what I say! (I am also going to put my feelings of hurt aside, since really, it does no good to dwell on that either.)
I will share that the last week that we seem to be drifting apart further. I think she may becoming more comfortable being alone, and to be honest, so am I. I hated it at first, but now i am more comfortable with it. I Have been doing a lot of reading, the power of Now is what I'm on now. I've also read a lot about Buddism, thich nhat hanh books, and similar.
I feel like I should at least give this every bit of my effort, and not just give up Others have said, here, as well as personal friends and famil, that if she left, why would you want her back? Almost no one I know personally, understands why I would want to try and make this work. That's a decision I know I have to make for myself, For many years she was by my side and helped me get through some very difficult times (I had a very serious illness that nearly cost me my life) she was there for me. I'm looking at this as an opportunity to give back some of what she gave me.
What I need to do is:
-not fixate on the past, but only visit it to learn from it as needed
-put aside my feelings of hurt, abandonment
-take care of myself
-Appreciate each day