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Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

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post #16 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 01:53 PM
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Re: Focus

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Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
First of all talk to your boss. They usually understand. Second, join a gym and start exercising it'll help clear your mind. You can't concentrate on two things at once.

If you're smart you'll file as soon as she separates. Separation is for her to spend time with her other man.

Laying around in limbo will not get you much except more wasted life you can't get back.

If you were wanting to try and save this exposure is about you're only weapon.

Being weak and affraid is your worst enemy. Unless as your doctor recommended you can "man up" you'll just linger longer.

Do not contact her at all. The worst thing you can do. You chase they move farther away. That goes for long stupid letters pouring your heart out as well.
All of this. Definitely talk to your boss. I was a mess during my separation/divorce--it opened a Pandora's jar of all these emotions that I had been suppressing my entire life, and it affected my work performance, unfortunately. If I hadn't talked to my boss about it, I could have lost my job. But he was understanding and we were able to make some adjustments so that my workload as more manageable.


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post #17 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 01:58 PM
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Re: Focus

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Originally Posted by falconbridge View Post
Hi, she originally said her reason for space is that she didn't feel like she was the centre of my world. Upon reflection it's the exact opposite. I have not been the centre of her world for a long time (5 years or so).

Yes she has another interest, she said she is having an emotional affair, she has also not given any indication she wants it to stop or that she wants to work on our marriage. She came back from her counsellor the other day and announced that she realises I am not her best friend, that role is someone else.. . that is another guy she works with (not the emotional affair guy).

She has just moved out for a few weeks and then who knows what happens after that, I believe she will look for something else.

I am having a tough time coming to grips with all of it. My work is suffering as I can't concentrate. I am taking this week off work to try and get my head together. I will feel ok for an hour or so, and then I will feel like the world is caving in for an hour or two and the cycle continues.

While everyone is different how do people get through this tough bit? how long does it last? I need to get my head back into my work and concentrate.
First, she is done, so don't go through the cycles of trying do the "pick-me" dance, or appease her in any way. MANY times mental stress can be helped by pure physical exhaustion -- go to the gym and work out HARD. Go run, go Hike, just do hard physical activities to wear yourself out. It's going to take time (and I'm sorry you are going through this).
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post #18 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-13-2017, 02:28 PM
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Re: Focus

I felt same and it hugely affected my Job, luckily I requested a meeting with my boss and he was very supportive and told me he wondered what was going on and glad I told him, even offered to go out for a beer if I needed some space and someone to talk to.

It's not easy and I am still working on it myself but take the advice of everyone on here and go out and keep yourself busy, meet friends, go gym and do anything you can to keep occupied and focus on making yourself happy outside of the relationship, something else that helped me keep sane was planning a future without W and how that would look, the key is focus only on the benefits though

Also talking about it with people is a big help and something I failed to do for a while outside of this forum.

And as @Marc878 mentioned 'You chase they move farther away. That goes for long stupid letters pouring your heart out as well.' this is 100% accurate and something else I failed to do, once I stopped reaching out she came back around and when I open up again she pulled away, I'm still working thru this part.

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