Entering Divorce proceedings - Page 14 - Talk About Marriage
Going Through Divorce or Separation A new addition to our forums, a place to go for sharing and support for those going through divorce and separation.

User Tag List

 161Likes
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #196 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 03:01 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,872
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingForward View Post
@phillybeffandswiss I didn't balk at FSJ's comment I appreciate and take into consideration all input I receive here, this forum is really the only outlet I have to put down thoughts/ideas and get advice. For me this is not a simple decision to make, my mind is all over the place and I feel the need to constantly reevaluate because things are just all over the place.

I do know I have got a lot of work still to do but have made plenty of progress also over the last few months since all this hit out of nowhere(at least on my side)
You do need to see both sides, but you keep creating scenarios to remain in the passenger seat in this divorce. You do realize your wife is currently in another car and you are driving your own car from the passengers seat? You are still describing it as an us scenario. Right now it is you vs her. You can try to work on things, but it is still you vs her. It is right there in your paperwork. I didn't tell you stop MC, not to reconcile or hurry up. I said stop over analyzing everything.

As to "balk"
Quote:
You think that is the better way to go? I am just not sure if having the Divorce hanging over us during MC will be productive but I will give it some thought.
She filed and wanted the divorce, you obviously did not. You are hesitating to do what FSJ suggested, saying it will not be productive, I used the word balk instead. You can still appreciate comments and balk at implementing the idea. Oh and I never implied anything was easy or simple.

phillybeffandswiss is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #197 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 03:12 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 201
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Quote:
Originally Posted by phillybeffandswiss View Post
You do need to see both sides, but you keep creating scenarios to remain in the passenger seat in this divorce. You do realize your wife is currently in another car and you are driving your own car from the passengers seat? You are still describing it as an us scenario. Right now it is you vs her. You can try to work on things, but it is still you vs her. It is right there in your paperwork. I didn't tell you stop MC, not to reconcile or hurry up. I said stop over analyzing everything.

As to "balk"
She filed and wanted the divorce, you obviously did not. You are hesitating to do what FSJ suggested, saying it will not be productive, I used the word balk instead. You can still appreciate comments and balk at implementing the idea. Oh and I never implied anything was easy or simple.
I thought you were referring to another comment, yes you are right the over analyzing needs to stop I am working on it, I think I feel like I am doing OK but my writing shows otherwise. I'm just a confused, slightly scared and a little emotionally broken down, this is a situation i never saw myself in and since i have spent the last few years neglecting a social life and have no other family in this country my W was my go to person so it is very lonely and hard at times and this makes it hard to make the hard and firm decisions for me.

M - 12
Kids - 2
MovingForward is offline  
post #198 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 03:18 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Tampa area
Posts: 2,384
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Your MC described you as a text book example. What text books? Seriously what text books was he citing? What are his professional qualifications? What writings would he cite as being relevant? If you can not answer these questions bail.

Your wife is either a begining stage WAW or a WW (either EA or PA) at this point.

What are the hidden objections?

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
JohnA is offline  
 
post #199 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 03:23 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 201
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Quote:
Originally Posted by JohnA View Post
Your MC described you as a text book example. What text books? Seriously what text books was he citing? What are his professional qualifications? What writings would he cite as being relevant? If you can not answer these questions bail.

Your wife is either a begining stage WAW or a WW (either EA or PA) at this point.

What are the hidden objections?
Not sure what text book her was referring to I didn't ask honestly, he is highly regarded in our State(not sure if that means anything)

I am not sure what you mean on the hidden objections?

M - 12
Kids - 2
MovingForward is offline  
post #200 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 03:25 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,872
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingForward View Post
I thought you were referring to another comment, yes you are right the over analyzing needs to stop I am working on it, I think I feel like I am doing OK but my writing shows otherwise. I'm just a confused, slightly scared and a little emotionally broken down, this is a situation i never saw myself in and since i have spent the last few years neglecting a social life and have no other family in this country my W was my go to person so it is very lonely and hard at times and this makes it hard to make the hard and firm decisions for me.
I have to find a thread for you. I think you may have read it, but it sounds like where you could head. The guy kept reading into everything his wife did, went down the same path as you and I actually left the thread because he wanted reconciliation so bad he was accepting all the blame for everything. He felt I was being antagonistic.

Your situation is different, but you remind me of him. No, it didn't end well. Although, now I realize MC is what you may need to see the truth. This is where he received his wake up call.
phillybeffandswiss is offline  
post #201 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 03:33 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 201
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Quote:
Originally Posted by phillybeffandswiss View Post
I have to find a thread for you. I think you may have read it, but it sounds like where you could head. The guy kept reading into everything his wife did, went down the same path as you and I actually left the thread because he wanted reconciliation so bad he was accepting all the blame for everything. He felt I was being antagonistic.

Your situation is different, but you remind me of him. No, it didn't end well. Although, now I realize MC is what you may need to see the truth. This is where he received his wake up call.
I have read a lot of threads on here but if you figure out which one it is I will check it out and try and read it and take away something.

That is my thing and I own it I try not to but at the back of my mind I am not quite ready to let go and want the R still.

I like feedback on here regardless just interacting with people on here makes things easier and sometimes a little clearer, It may take everyone on TAM to tell me I am being an idiot and making huge mistakes and I may eventually get it who knows but I guess the story will still be here for someone else to learn from or maybe not make the same mistakes.

M - 12
Kids - 2
MovingForward is offline  
post #202 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 03:36 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 4,872
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Trust me, I do not think you aren't listening or you are being hardheaded. You are confused and everything is up in the air. It just feels like you are starting to develop tunnel vision type thinking. You know, to the point you may end up right back where you started.
phillybeffandswiss is offline  
post #203 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-17-2017, 04:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: Deep South
Posts: 340
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Quote:
Originally Posted by phillybeffandswiss View Post
Trust me, I do not think you aren't listening or you are being hardheaded. You are confused and everything is up in the air. It just feels like you are starting to develop tunnel vision type thinking. You know, to the point you may end up right back where you started.

MovingForward - what Philly and Farside are trying to say is best summed up in one of the most familiar passages of scripture.

2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”

4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.




Do you see what I put in bold there? Adam sat there with his thumb up his butt listening to this entire exchange. What was he doing? He was saying and doing nothing. He let his wife do all the talking and make all the decisions. He stood there passively and let all this crap happen.

That has become an inherited curse for all of us men... the curse of being passive and not making decisions. I think it is embedded in all of us guys. We had much rather go out for a beer on St. Patrick's Day and maybe all this stuff will take care of itself.

What I, Philly and Farside are saying is that you must take charge here. You must come to a decision whatever it might be. If you fail to do so you will be swept along in the tide just like Adam. It didn't end very well for Adam.

Good luck my friend. You have some tough decisions here but you must make them.
Absurdist is offline  
post #204 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 12:53 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Tampa area
Posts: 2,384
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

It's a sales term. Sometimes your offer mets every need and is best priced best offer yet the client stalls. Why?

Their are many on line directories that either list the therapist with their qualifications or offer comments about them. Also search using his name to see if he is published. Finally call him and ask for the titles of several books he finds very insightful.

PS: my iPad is having a lot of problems with this site. I tried to reapond yes to your request but it did not go though.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
JohnA is offline  
post #205 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-18-2017, 09:17 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 542
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

If you do go the R route, get a postnup in place.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

thenub is online now  
post #206 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 04:35 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 201
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Quote:
Originally Posted by thenub View Post
If you do go the R route, get a postnup in place.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
How would you go about that? I only found out about that from another TAM member recently.

Have you had any experience with this? from what I gather it is just an agreement on how everything is handles if we go through with the D.

M - 12
Kids - 2
MovingForward is offline  
post #207 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-19-2017, 11:22 PM
Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Southeast
Posts: 2,934
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

A post nup proposal at this time would probably squash any chances at R
Marc878 is online now  
post #208 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 07:18 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2016
Location: Mars - arent all men?
Posts: 460
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

MF - How ya doing?
Grapes is offline  
post #209 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 08:06 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 201
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Quote:
Originally Posted by Grapes View Post
MF - How ya doing?
OK, I got my court date yesterday, asked her what she thought about it all and she wasn't sure, she told me she has done a lot of soul searching recently and I asked if she wanted to share that and she did not seem too comfortable so I mentioned Sunday was deadline were both 100% in or were 100% out. mostly been getting on really well but things clearly not still right.

How have you been?

M - 12
Kids - 2

Last edited by MovingForward; 03-24-2017 at 08:49 AM.
MovingForward is offline  
post #210 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-24-2017, 10:12 AM Thread Starter
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 201
Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

So my court date if we agree to everything we can finalize there and then and be done, I will either be R or potentially fully divorced in 5 weeks. Things moves fast.

M - 12
Kids - 2
MovingForward is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My separation and probably divorce Oscarquevedo83 Considering Divorce or Separation 2 08-14-2016 06:18 PM
Divorce advice needed life.is.pain Going Through Divorce or Separation 47 07-27-2016 09:59 PM
Divorce, over the precipice AvoidDivorce Going Through Divorce or Separation 20 07-03-2016 06:34 PM
Hope after signing divorce petition. Andy101 Going Through Divorce or Separation 47 02-16-2016 12:57 AM
Divorce, dating and going all the way Threeblessings Going Through Divorce or Separation 2 01-31-2016 02:56 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome