Entering Divorce proceedings - Page 5 - Talk About Marriage
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post #61 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 11:07 AM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

WOW, you need new IC ASAP!! What a freaking moron! Thank goodness you still had your sense about you this morning.


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post #62 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 12:20 PM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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WOW, you need new IC ASAP!! What a freaking moron! Thank goodness you still had your sense about you this morning.
The IC still seems focused on trying to repair the marriage, and that really isn't helping the OP move forward.

OP, I think you need to be straight up with this IC and tell him you need help moving forward in a healthy way, and if he can't help you with that, then you need to find another IC that will.

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post #63 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 01:32 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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The IC still seems focused on trying to repair the marriage, and that really isn't helping the OP move forward.

OP, I think you need to be straight up with this IC and tell him you need help moving forward in a healthy way, and if he can't help you with that, then you need to find another IC that will.
I agree, he asked me to email him in the morning on how I was feeling so I emailed and told him

'I woke up with the same mindset, I have been focusing on new future without her, the parts the marriage I wasn't happy with, the things I have not done or been able to do, the free time I will have to rediscover myself, have hobbies again and I am excited for this since it has been a long time since I have taken time to just be me'

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post #64 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 12:46 PM Thread Starter
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Latest update.

Stbxw wants to do MC but also still maintain apontments with mediator, told he one or the other and to tell me today. Not sure I want to save anything anymore but if she commits to MC and working on 'us' 100% I would give it a shot since kids involved and feel like after 12 years I owe it to myself to make sure I did everything I could have. Still feeling pretty strong on getting out of this and moving on but have a little doubt I need to remove.
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post #65 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 01:15 PM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Latest update.

Stbxw wants to do MC but also still maintain apontments with mediator, told he one or the other and to tell me today. Not sure I want to save anything anymore but if she commits to MC and working on 'us' 100% I would give it a shot since kids involved and feel like after 12 years I owe it to myself to make sure I did everything I could have. Still feeling pretty strong on getting out of this and moving on but have a little doubt I need to remove.
If you two do go to MC be prepared for the therapist to ask for the divorce to be put on hold. The specter of the divorce looming over your sessions would create a serious problem because she would have so much leverage and there'd be this giant ticking clock for the therapy. Is she prepared to do that if the therapist tells you two that it's the best course of action?

Also, that's a pretty big update. What happened? Why does she suddenly want to try MC? Your first post was on the 27th of February; that's only a week ago! Maybe this got started a bit before that but it would still be a rather abrupt change.
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post #66 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 01:28 PM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Dont do it. Tell her to pound sand.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #67 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 03:12 PM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Your wife seems to be all over the place. She wants D, gets you to meet at courthouse and sign, then shes all nice, then shes walking around naked, then asking for MC.

She is just all over the place.

Not sure what to make of it honestly because it all just seems to irrationally move from one place to the next.

I dont mean to intrude but has she ever been on prescribed drugs or something like that? History of depression etc?


Or she is buttering you up for something. I haven't a clue.
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post #68 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 03:17 PM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Right, so he needs to make that final decision FOR HER and proceed with the divorce. He would be right back here again in less than a year.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.

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post #69 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 03:24 PM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

I agree - Even if there isnt infidelity when a spouse just drops you like a bad habit there is alot of trust lost. Trust in that they speak when things bother them instead of just waiting to drop bombs.

i agree, make the decision for her.
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post #70 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 03:55 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Originally Posted by golfpanther View Post
If you two do go to MC be prepared for the therapist to ask for the divorce to be put on hold. The specter of the divorce looming over your sessions would create a serious problem because she would have so much leverage and there'd be this giant ticking clock for the therapy. Is she prepared to do that if the therapist tells you two that it's the best course of action?

Also, that's a pretty big update. What happened? Why does she suddenly want to try MC? Your first post was on the 27th of February; that's only a week ago! Maybe this got started a bit before that but it would still be a rather abrupt change.
No it really moves this fast, no consistency at all its very confusing and I really don't know what to make of it.


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post #71 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 04:03 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Your wife seems to be all over the place. She wants D, gets you to meet at courthouse and sign, then shes all nice, then shes walking around naked, then asking for MC.

She is just all over the place.

Not sure what to make of it honestly because it all just seems to irrationally move from one place to the next.

I dont mean to intrude but has she ever been on prescribed drugs or something like that? History of depression etc?


Or she is buttering you up for something. I haven't a clue.
Yes all over the place, she has been falling apart the last few days. This has been my battle since beginning my first thread, she does/doesn't and at beginning power ratio was 100/0 her to me, I was begging etc and taking the licks while she left me in the dark and It was a really terrible time, I have been up and down so many times I finally managed to mostly detach, accept and move on mentally but it seems like the choice not solely being hers anymore is adding a lot of stress to her and she broke down in public Saturday and Sunday spent the entire day in bed.

She had a bout of depression almost 10 years ago and was very similar to how she is currently, once it was treated/passed she regretted a lot of the decisions we made because of it. I told her this and asked her outright and was told she is happy with everything in her life except our marriage.

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post #72 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 04:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Right, so he needs to make that final decision FOR HER and proceed with the divorce. He would be right back here again in less than a year.
And this is my worry, this experience is something I never want to go through again. I just feel li

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post #73 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 04:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Originally Posted by Grapes View Post
I agree - Even if there isnt infidelity when a spouse just drops you like a bad habit there is alot of trust lost. Trust in that they speak when things bother them instead of just waiting to drop bombs.

i agree, make the decision for her.
It really is down to trust I would love to turn back the clock but cannot see how that trust can ever be repaired.

Honestly I dont think I will ever truly trust any one ever again and that is not a healthy mindset to future relationships but that is really where I am at!!!!

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post #74 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 04:25 PM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

This upsets people, but let's be pragmatic. I know you have 12 years in, but if there were no kids would you stay?
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post #75 of 217 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 04:28 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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This upsets people, but let's be pragmatic. I know you have 12 years in, but if there were no kids would you stay?
It would be less complicated and confusing since I have tried to put that question to myself a few times and not sure how much that affects my choices but if she could say she was 100% in and show the same I would try but she can't so I won't.

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