Entering Divorce proceedings - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 02:33 PM Thread Starter
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Entering Divorce proceedings

So starting new thread since I am not longer 'Looking for advice on reconnecting with wife' and we are moving forward with a Divorce currently.

Original post started here - Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

When I originally posted back in January I had already been through a few weeks of emotional Hell, ups and downs, hope to no hope and everything in between. We had good days, bad days and completely normal days together and up until last night I still had some hope that things would work out but for some reason unbeknown to me she walked in told me not to be nice to her and she needed me to sign the Summons so we can get our 60 day Windows to dissolve the Marriage and that is the last conversation we had.

Met at Court house earlier and signed papers and she has called to tell me about an appointment with a Mediator next week, I have arranged for a realtor to come and put out house on the Market and we should be up for sale by the end of the week. 12 years to get to this point and can all be over and be strangers in a matter of weeks.

Have a IC session tomorrow with a new guy and timing couldn't be better unless it was today.

Just need to get through these next few months and hope it doesn't get messy, any advice on living in the same house and co parenting while in the divorce process would be very much appreciated?

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post #2 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 03:01 PM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Originally Posted by CMB82 View Post
So starting new thread since I am not longer 'Looking for advice on reconnecting with wife' and we are moving forward with a Divorce currently.

Original post started here - Need Advice on reconnecting with Wife

When I originally posted back in January I had already been through a few weeks of emotional Hell, ups and downs, hope to no hope and everything in between. We had good days, bad days and completely normal days together and up until last night I still had some hope that things would work out but for some reason unbeknown to me she walked in told me not to be nice to her and she needed me to sign the Summons so we can get our 60 day Windows to dissolve the Marriage and that is the last conversation we had.

Met at Court house earlier and signed papers and she has called to tell me about an appointment with a Mediator next week, I have arranged for a realtor to come and put out house on the Market and we should be up for sale by the end of the week. 12 years to get to this point and can all be over and be strangers in a matter of weeks.

Have a IC session tomorrow with a new guy and timing couldn't be better unless it was today.

Just need to get through these next few months and hope it doesn't get messy, any advice on living in the same house and co parenting while in the divorce process would be very much appreciated?
You guys were working on becoming strangers for a long time coming, you just didn't realize it.

Good luck with the next phase. Glad you have the new IC tomorrow.

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #3 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 03:05 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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You guys were working on becoming strangers for a long time coming, you just didn't realize it.

Good luck with the next phase. Glad you have the new IC tomorrow.
Your right just hard to let go sometimes.

I am not sure if the worst is over or the worst is still to come, guess I know where I stand finally at least.

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post #4 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 07:55 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Another night down, went for a drink with a new Friend who also happens to have just gotten out of a Divorce after 18 years so is very supportive.

Still not told any of my family or Friends back home, just not ready to talk about it.

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post #5 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 08:24 AM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Your right just hard to let go sometimes.

I am not sure if the worst is over or the worst is still to come, guess I know where I stand finally at least.
Some days will seem great, and some will feel like you want to die. But it does eventually get better, if you're willing to focus on yourself and do the emotional work.

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~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #6 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 08:31 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

I have a meeting booked with my boss today to discuss seeing if I can adjust work schedule to accommodate Joint custody, hoping that works out so fingers crossed.

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post #7 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 08:31 AM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Originally Posted by MovingForward View Post
Another night down, went for a drink with a new Friend who also happens to have just gotten out of a Divorce after 18 years so is very supportive.

Still not told any of my family or Friends back home, just not ready to talk about it.
Here's the trick: you only have to tell one person. Tell the biggest blabbermouth you know, and tell him/her (or have someone else tell Blabbermouth). Pretty soon, everyone will know without you having to do anything

~Happily un-married since December 9, 2013~
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post #8 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 09:57 AM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Start going no contact with her as much as possible. Do the 180.
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post #9 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:12 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Start going no contact with her as much as possible. Do the 180.
Still living in same house but doing a reasonable Job so far.

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post #10 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 10:20 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Already had meeting with Boss and he was very supportive and told me they could work with me to accommodate a Joint custody agreement so that is great news, I was very worried about my work schedule and not being able to be a decent part of there lives but looking like I might be able to.

Has anyone here had success with alternating 7 days custody with an X? Children are 8 and 5 not sure if this would be a healthy living situation or not for them.

I really do not want to change my relationship with the Children and become a part time or Disney land dad.


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post #11 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 12:57 PM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Sucks to see you here, but there are others who have done the same thing. For me the worst was not living at home with my stbx but the day she moved out to her new house with the kids. That's when it became real.

It took a long time to get over all the feelings involved, be glad you have IC already schedule to help you. Make sure to take care of yourself as well as your kids. Work on increasing your social circle of people you can talk to (DivorceCare is not a bad place to start), work out, eat decent meals, and get plenty of sleep. I actually started to read some self help books on divorce and some on helping my kids.

Limit your conversations with your stbx to the kids and important decisions. Except for the kids, try to look at this as a business deal at this point. Keep everything emotionless and work through it step by step, like you would do a business transaction. Separate the house, belongings, and money in an equitable & fair manner. She has made it plain she is done, so don't pine away over something that is gone.

Make keeping joint custody of your kids your number 1 priority. Most states have become Dad friendly and 50/50 is pretty common, don't settle for less. There are other schedules available than 7 on 7 off, especially considering your kids are young. Look at 3/4/4/3 or 2/5/5/2 type schedules to ensure the kids get to see both parents often. We used a modified 2/5/5/2 which worked well (I have Mon-Tue, she has Wed-Thur, and we alternate Fri-Sun). Works for us since we were in same school district and could just use school as the dropoff/pickup point.

Keep you head up, you can get through this.
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post #12 of 673 (permalink) Old 02-28-2017, 01:07 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Originally Posted by C3156 View Post
Sucks to see you here, but there are others who have done the same thing. For me the worst was not living at home with my stbx but the day she moved out to her new house with the kids. That's when it became real.

It took a long time to get over all the feelings involved, be glad you have IC already schedule to help you. Make sure to take care of yourself as well as your kids. Work on increasing your social circle of people you can talk to (DivorceCare is not a bad place to start), work out, eat decent meals, and get plenty of sleep. I actually started to read some self help books on divorce and some on helping my kids.

Limit your conversations with your stbx to the kids and important decisions. Except for the kids, try to look at this as a business deal at this point. Keep everything emotionless and work through it step by step, like you would do a business transaction. Separate the house, belongings, and money in an equitable & fair manner. She has made it plain she is done, so don't pine away over something that is gone.

Make keeping joint custody of your kids your number 1 priority. Most states have become Dad friendly and 50/50 is pretty common, don't settle for less. There are other schedules available than 7 on 7 off, especially considering your kids are young. Look at 3/4/4/3 or 2/5/5/2 type schedules to ensure the kids get to see both parents often. We used a modified 2/5/5/2 which worked well (I have Mon-Tue, she has Wed-Thur, and we alternate Fri-Sun). Works for us since we were in same school district and could just use school as the dropoff/pickup point.

Keep you head up, you can get through this.
Thanks, regarding schedule I just wanted to ensure I got normal time with them like I currently. We are seeing a mediator on Tuesday so will see how that goes, I really need to keep this as civil as possible but without being a doormat and accepting less.

I am going to see if I can refinance the house and buy her out although could be a struggle but would be worth it, really like my house and where I live so hope she goes for that would make life so much easier for all and keep things more stable for kids.

M - 12
Kids - 2
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post #13 of 673 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 08:58 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

Nothing much to report today, feel good knowing Joint custody is an option but still nervous to bring it up in Mediation next week, also a little worried how she will take me buying her out the house if I ca n get cash together, I feel it would work best for all of us especially the kids and her but I have a feeling she won't like it.

Ended up having a dream about her last night(The sexy kind, my sexual frustration is sky high) and then woke up anxious about the future of running into her when she is dating other people, that is something I am not looking forward to at all.

Have a great Day all who read this.

M - 12
Kids - 2
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post #14 of 673 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 09:09 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Originally Posted by C3156 View Post
Sucks to see you here, but there are others who have done the same thing. For me the worst was not living at home with my stbx but the day she moved out to her new house with the kids. That's when it became real.

It took a long time to get over all the feelings involved, be glad you have IC already schedule to help you. Make sure to take care of yourself as well as your kids. Work on increasing your social circle of people you can talk to (DivorceCare is not a bad place to start), work out, eat decent meals, and get plenty of sleep. I actually started to read some self help books on divorce and some on helping my kids.

Limit your conversations with your stbx to the kids and important decisions. Except for the kids, try to look at this as a business deal at this point. Keep everything emotionless and work through it step by step, like you would do a business transaction. Separate the house, belongings, and money in an equitable & fair manner. She has made it plain she is done, so don't pine away over something that is gone.

Make keeping joint custody of your kids your number 1 priority. Most states have become Dad friendly and 50/50 is pretty common, don't settle for less. There are other schedules available than 7 on 7 off, especially considering your kids are young. Look at 3/4/4/3 or 2/5/5/2 type schedules to ensure the kids get to see both parents often. We used a modified 2/5/5/2 which worked well (I have Mon-Tue, she has Wed-Thur, and we alternate Fri-Sun). Works for us since we were in same school district and could just use school as the dropoff/pickup point.

Keep you head up, you can get through this.
@C3156 did you use a Divorce support group? I did a search on DivorceCare and there are a few groups in the area but only at the local Churches, if you went how was your experience?

M - 12
Kids - 2
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post #15 of 673 (permalink) Old 03-01-2017, 03:27 PM
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Re: Entering Divorce proceedings

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Nothing much to report today, feel good knowing Joint custody is an option but still nervous to bring it up in Mediation next week, also a little worried how she will take me buying her out the house if I ca n get cash together, I feel it would work best for all of us especially the kids and her but I have a feeling she won't like it.

Ended up having a dream about her last night(The sexy kind, my sexual frustration is sky high) and then woke up anxious about the future of running into her when she is dating other people, that is something I am not looking forward to at all.

Have a great Day all who read this.

Brother! Please for your sake get an attitude adjustment on the bolded underlined above. You are the FATHER and have absolutely every single right to get 50% custody. You have every right your wife has. Just because you have a penis doesnt meant you get less access to the children.

Its not just an option!! Your attitude is to settle for nothing less then 50%. There is no negotiation period! (provided you haven't been abusive and are just a normal good father dude). There is nothing to be nervous about because you are the father and are going to get what is legally yours.

No knock on TAM at all but there is a site that does nothing but help fathers get the custody they deserve. I strongly suggest you check out the site. Its a no Bull**** place where people will offer up good advice to fathers only in custody cases and D. Its like TAM on the topic of infidelity.

PM me if you cant locate the forum and ill let you know. simple google search will find it.

good luck and keep us posted
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