Weird? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:47 PM Thread Starter
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Weird?

Sorry, there is a long prologue to my question

So my stbxh had this colleague/superior/friend. She is in her mid 40s, has kids etc. When we first got married, my ex told me how a few years ago she went through a divorce and he helped her financially at the time. She was not at our wedding - i am not even sure she was invited but then my ex had zero friends show up to the wedding, so who knows?

Anyway, after our wedding she emailed him to congratulate us. In a reply, he sent her pictures of us from the wedding. I suggested we invite her and the kids over for dinner someday but my ex was super useless when it came to maintaining social relationships, so that never happened.

Then a few months later - she added me on LinkedIn (I know, thats the only form of social networking my ex used ) so whatever. My ex was like - yeah she wants to be good friends with us or whatever. Since he was unemployed and looking for a job, he met up with her once for lunch to sort of ask if she knew of any opportunities. Throughout the year he would bicker about how she has all these connections and he helped her financially during her divorce and now its tough times for him and he could use her help etc. etc. Anyway one day she did call him up about a job and she recommended him to this company who would give her contracts and were now looking for a full time lawyer - and her qualifications were beyond what the company could afford. Anyway my ex interviewed and got the job. Then he told me that if he asked this colleague of his for help, his employer would get upset and as a result he had to "figure" everything out on his own which was making his job stressful etc etc. I suggested he call her and chat with her as a friend and see how she dealt with the CEO, since she had worked with them before but he refused etc. Then he decided to quit the job after a month for what he considered a "better opportunity". I again suggested that he call her and clear the air since she had recommended him for the job - and he was worried he was burning a bridge with her or whatever. Anyway i dont know if he did that.

Meanwhile we separated for the first time during these times. And according to my ex - he had discussed some of our issues with her because she sent me a message on linkedin saying - "I am sorry you are going through this. Take care". Obviously I didn't respond to that when we were separated but did respond to her when we had decided to reconcile - thanking her for her concern.

When I finally separated from my ex last year - he "removed" me from his LinkedIn connections, which was like whatever for me. But I guess she stayed on and because I don't prolifically use linkedin, I never bothered to go remove her from my connections.

This weekend, I received a message from her - "Hi Mucc, How are you doing? I notice that [insert ex's name] is not on Linkedin anymore. Is everything OK with him?"

So I responded and said - I am sorry I dont know whats up with him or his linkedin because we are not together anymore.

To that she responded - I am really worried about him since I haven't heard from him for a long time. Hope you are doing well


And I haven't responded to that anymore.

Do you guys think thats weird? It makes no sense to me. I have never met this woman, she hasn't talked to me in the last year (its not like she checks in on me from time to time) and why didn't she just email him directly?

I just started paperwork a couple of weeks ago and wondering if this has anything to do with that too? Or maybe I am just over analyzing a simple situation because I am paranoid about my ex.

Thank you all

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 04:57 PM
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Re: Weird?

Why does it bother you that she contacted you instead of him? maybe he wasn't replying to her? Why do you think there is an ulterior motive? It looks like an innocent question to me, honestly. Do you think she is involved with him? Do you think she is his lawyer?

Even if I don't get likes for it, I'm still going to say it.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-27-2017, 05:04 PM
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Re: Weird?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mucc View Post
Sorry, there is a long prologue to my question

So my stbxh had this colleague/superior/friend. She is in her mid 40s, has kids etc. When we first got married, my ex told me how a few years ago she went through a divorce and he helped her financially at the time. She was not at our wedding - i am not even sure she was invited but then my ex had zero friends show up to the wedding, so who knows?

Anyway, after our wedding she emailed him to congratulate us. In a reply, he sent her pictures of us from the wedding. I suggested we invite her and the kids over for dinner someday but my ex was super useless when it came to maintaining social relationships, so that never happened.

Then a few months later - she added me on LinkedIn (I know, thats the only form of social networking my ex used ) so whatever. My ex was like - yeah she wants to be good friends with us or whatever. Since he was unemployed and looking for a job, he met up with her once for lunch to sort of ask if she knew of any opportunities. Throughout the year he would bicker about how she has all these connections and he helped her financially during her divorce and now its tough times for him and he could use her help etc. etc. Anyway one day she did call him up about a job and she recommended him to this company who would give her contracts and were now looking for a full time lawyer - and her qualifications were beyond what the company could afford. Anyway my ex interviewed and got the job. Then he told me that if he asked this colleague of his for help, his employer would get upset and as a result he had to "figure" everything out on his own which was making his job stressful etc etc. I suggested he call her and chat with her as a friend and see how she dealt with the CEO, since she had worked with them before but he refused etc. Then he decided to quit the job after a month for what he considered a "better opportunity". I again suggested that he call her and clear the air since she had recommended him for the job - and he was worried he was burning a bridge with her or whatever. Anyway i dont know if he did that.

Meanwhile we separated for the first time during these times. And according to my ex - he had discussed some of our issues with her because she sent me a message on linkedin saying - "I am sorry you are going through this. Take care". Obviously I didn't respond to that when we were separated but did respond to her when we had decided to reconcile - thanking her for her concern.

When I finally separated from my ex last year - he "removed" me from his LinkedIn connections, which was like whatever for me. But I guess she stayed on and because I don't prolifically use linkedin, I never bothered to go remove her from my connections.

This weekend, I received a message from her - "Hi Mucc, How are you doing? I notice that [insert ex's name] is not on Linkedin anymore. Is everything OK with him?"

So I responded and said - I am sorry I dont know whats up with him or his linkedin because we are not together anymore.

To that she responded - I am really worried about him since I haven't heard from him for a long time. Hope you are doing well


And I haven't responded to that anymore.

Do you guys think thats weird? It makes no sense to me. I have never met this woman, she hasn't talked to me in the last year (its not like she checks in on me from time to time) and why didn't she just email him directly?

I just started paperwork a couple of weeks ago and wondering if this has anything to do with that too? Or maybe I am just over analyzing a simple situation because I am paranoid about my ex.

Thank you all
I don't think it's that weird. This woman wanted a relationship while the two of you were together and had a friendship with him prior. I'd take what she says at face value: that she's concerned about his well being because he likely isn't responding to her inquires and is trying to find out if he's okay.

I doubt she's involved with him since she made the decision to reach out to you and didn't seem to know you and your ex weren't together.

Really, I don't see anything to get too worked up about unless you too are worried about him as a result of the message. If not, just keep doing what you're doing and try not to worry about it
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-02-2017, 07:43 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Weird?

I have no real reasons to be suspicious except I question everything related to my ex. I constantly keep thinking if I am missing something, since I missed a gazillion red flags and was an emotional fool when we split.

I am not worried about him at all, he moved back in with his parents and brother and his family. I am sure hes JUST FINE. In fact in some ways I was pissed that he got to move back to his family whereas I didn't have the comfort of having my family around physically. Plus he forced me to move out, so I had to airbnb for a couple of months until I found a place that worked for me. He doesn't even have to pay rent meanwhile. Ass. Makes me angry. But that's just me being bitter about stuff.

Anyway, I probably read too much into the message.

I guess its making me anxious that him/his lawyer (if he has one) have not responded to mine since my lawyer contacted him about financial disclosure and all that. This just means more filing through the court, means more lawyer time = more $$ for me. And his income is double mine. Sigh, it is what it is. Life. Is. Stressful. Right. Now.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 09:47 AM
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Re: Weird?

I dont think her reaching out to you is weird. She certainly was a better colleague to your STBXH than he was to her! Sounds like he was kind of a jerk to her, honestly. Good luck, I hope the D starts to move along better for you.

Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.


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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-06-2017, 10:33 AM
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Re: Weird?

It seems weird because it is weird.She probably did not meet on Linked in that may be a cover story or she Might be his Lawyer or confident be careful what you say to him or her and trust Niether
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