It's been almost 2 years, no contact order lifted and he will not leave me alone - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 02:29 PM Thread Starter
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It's been almost 2 years, no contact order lifted and he will not leave me alone

So here it is...it's been almost two years that I've been separated and in so many ways it's like we haven't made any progress at all. Ex was arrested for assault in May 2015 and removed from the home. There was a no contact order put in place and he plead guilty to assault in Jan. 2016. His probation ended in Jan. 2017. In that time, I pushed forward to get a separation agreement in place, but he fought me every step of the way. He wouldn't agree to me having sole custody of the kids (even though he doesn't live in the school district and at the time we split he didn't have employment). We hired a custody assessor (a court expert basically) to make a recommendation on how custody should be divided. The recommendation was that I get sole, and he get visitation. He is now saying he is going to sue the custody assessor. Worse still, now that he is allowed to contact me directly, he has been texting me non-stop. And none of it is actually necessary in relation to the kids. It's just constant bashing of me, my parenting ability, my family. He has said some downright vile things. I tried contacting the police about it being harassment but apparently it doesn't fit the "criteria".

Has anyone else out there had to deal with this? I live in Ontario, so I'm sure our laws are not the same everywhere, but it feels like right now I have no recourse to get him to stop.

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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 02:50 PM
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Re: It's been almost 2 years, no contact order lifted and he will not leave me alone

I would ignore him and keep a record of all communication.

Or block him.

This is how bullies operate.....he's trying to get a rise out of you.

My ex was like that.....whenever he'd threaten me I'd wish him luck and ignore him.

Don't respond to anything. Let him drag you back to court at which time you can produce all of your evidence.

The worst thing you can do with a bully is get upset and respond. Just treat him like he doesn't matter.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 03:14 PM
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Re: It's been almost 2 years, no contact order lifted and he will not leave me alone

I agree with @lifeistooshort. As much as you may want to respond to his vile texts, don't. Do not engage him. Unless he is asking about something specifically related to the kids, do not respond. When you do, it is EXACTLY what he wants. He WANTS to show you that he still has that hold on you. Only you can stop that.

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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 03:34 PM
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Re: It's been almost 2 years, no contact order lifted and he will not leave me alone

Save all the texts. Ignore any text that is not discussing something required for the children.

Do not every reply to any of his emotional, insulting attacks. Just ignore them.

Only communicate with him via text or email.

Get a video door bell. Also install motion activated lights and camera by at least your front door.

With the lights and camera, you will have evidence to support you if he moves beyond text stalking.

If he will not agree with the custody recommendation, can't your lawyer get a court hearing and get it finalized?

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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-03-2017, 06:50 PM
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Re: It's been almost 2 years, no contact order lifted and he will not leave me alone

Agree with the previous advice. I'm assuming that when you say that you're living in Ontario that you mean Ontario,Canada. Criminal harassment is a crime here and intimidation is considered harassment,but some criteria have to be met. If you look at this website,there is a toll free Victim Support Line at the top of the page. Maybe they can direct you in a course of action. If I'm not mistaken,Family Court services can also provide you with a caseworker and they would likely be familiar with your type of situation and what you may be able to do.

http://www.victimservicesontario.ca/

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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:40 AM
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Re: It's been almost 2 years, no contact order lifted and he will not leave me alone

I live in a large retirement community of over 150,000 seniors, which covers 3 counties. There are many woman here who are hiding from violent ex husbands. The difference between them and a lot of other women in the country is that they are legally armed and trained to defend themselves. They know from their last beating that restraining orders are a false sense of security. They have group that trains women how to shoot, the self defense laws and other useful information to keep from being found by their ex husbands. Sometimes you just need to relocate and start a new life. Some ex husbands are crazy and will keep after you as long as they can find you. I had a woman stalking me after I broke up with her. I had to move to a different State to get away from her. She knew the law very well and got around it easily. Moving away ended the problem. I firmly believe that we must be prepared to defend ourselves because the police will not guard you but only respond to your call in enough time to call an ambulance and write a report.

Women are the fasted growing segment of people learning to shoot and obtaining concealed carry permits. My most gungho students are women who were raped and women who have been stalked by ex husbands and other men. They go from rabidly anti gun to extremely pro gun. Do what you have to do to be and feel safe. According to the Supreme Court, the police have no obligation to defend individuals, only society as a whole. Violence can and does happen well before the police respond to a 911 call. Your fate is in your hands and I would not count on a piece of paper deterring someone hell bent on hurting or killing you. Court Orders are as usually as No Gun zones are in stopping mass murderers.

Move if you have to. Do not keep a social media page where you tell everyone where you are going for the night and other information. Even change your last name if you have to. It is a big country and if you are smart about it, it is not difficult to disappear in it. The women hiding from their violent exes who ignored court orders in the past seem to be doing well. They have learned to not be so easy to find and feel safe because they were trained how to protect themselves unarmed or armed. I wish you the best of luck but take control of your own safety and refuse to become a victim.

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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 03-04-2017, 12:53 AM
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Re: It's been almost 2 years, no contact order lifted and he will not leave me alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeanie View Post
So here it is...it's been almost two years that I've been separated and in so many ways it's like we haven't made any progress at all. Ex was arrested for assault in May 2015 and removed from the home. There was a no contact order put in place and he plead guilty to assault in Jan. 2016. His probation ended in Jan. 2017. In that time, I pushed forward to get a separation agreement in place, but he fought me every step of the way. He wouldn't agree to me having sole custody of the kids (even though he doesn't live in the school district and at the time we split he didn't have employment). We hired a custody assessor (a court expert basically) to make a recommendation on how custody should be divided. The recommendation was that I get sole, and he get visitation. He is now saying he is going to sue the custody assessor. Worse still, now that he is allowed to contact me directly, he has been texting me non-stop. And none of it is actually necessary in relation to the kids. It's just constant bashing of me, my parenting ability, my family. He has said some downright vile things. I tried contacting the police about it being harassment but apparently it doesn't fit the "criteria".

Has anyone else out there had to deal with this? I live in Ontario, so I'm sure our laws are not the same everywhere, but it feels like right now I have no recourse to get him to stop.
You can't get a permit in Ontario can you? If you can, you should.
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